Sunday, 19 June 2011
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Would You Forgive a Cheater?
It's an unfortunate fact that quite a few of us, men and women alike, have been cheated on at some point in our lives. For me, this nasty experience came to pass quite recently.
I met a boy whom I absolutely adored, and he seemed into me as well. Come to find out a month after we began dating, he had been dating another girl for five months before meeting me. And then still dating her the month that I was dating him.
Did it sting? Yes. Was I heartbroken? No. I mean, it was just a month of my time. I felt for the other girl, in that she'd wasted more of hers on the cheater. Here's the catch:
Cheater stops all contact with her and instead tries to salvage what is left of his relationship with me. Which, at that point, consisted of me calling him names and not much else.
About a month later, I am now back together with him. I could sit here and write about the various changes I've seen in him, or the fact that I will never truly trust/care as deeply for him after the fact, but that would be pointless and boring. I'm more interested in hearing from you, Lovelyish readers.
Have you ever been cheated upon? If so, by whom? Did you forgive him/her? Have you ever been the person to cheat in a relationship? Why?
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- From: sur_la_lune
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Comments (57)
I've never been cheated on. I don't know..if I could ever. Cheating is a deal breaker for me..I can't really say because I've never been put in that situation, so I don't know.
i forgave my ex and the girl he cheated on me with, but i can't help but be bitter sometimes.
Once a cheater, always a cheater
I think you can if he's sincere about it, but I guess there would always be the thought that he might do it again.
Oh hell nooo.
I was...in ever pass relationship i have been. They've cheated on me. Sometimes they've even try to find a reason on why they should be allowed "Well you won't DO it with me. and I have NEEDS. I'm sorry. I won't do it again?" And I don't forgive them, and I wouldn't try and date them again. The pain is there.
&& for the most part you already know they've done it once, so who's to say they won't do it again? And them cheating on you, it means you aren't everything to them. and you know it, to a point.No. I'm too hot for that.
I've cheated before. I'm not trying to justify or minimize what happened and what I did, but I think it's important to consider in these conversations that "cheating" may be defined differently for each person or couple. When I say cheat, I don't mean I fucked someone else. That's unforgiveable to me. Sex isn't just something I can casually accept or give to others. When I cheated, it was a close friendship, more time spent with them than my SO, and a kiss that I initiated. I consider that cheating. I did it because we were going through a "rough patch," and I wasn't happy. It got to a point where, instead of breaking up or trying to change/fix things, I just got caught up in someone else who paid more attention to me. But I was forgiven and it made ALL the difference. I realized everywhere I went wrong and I regret cheating all the time, but I know I would never be able to do it again. It might sound bad and I don't expect anyone to understand, but I think it changed everything in my relationship for the better.
I have been cheated on. I think it's a horrible thing to do to a person that you claim to love. I've been cheated on by a boyfriend and also I've "helped" some guys cheat, unknowingly. If you date someone when you are taken that is cheating, IMO. I didn't forgive them but gave one of them the benefit of a doubt and then that was wasted. No, I don't cheat.
This may seem bizarre but I don't understand cheating in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. I can understand someone cheating in a marriage ( I said understand them, not forgive them or think it is okay). But cheating on a boyfriend/girlfriend, why? Just break up with them and move on.
I promised my wife that I would never leave her no matter what, even if she were to cheat, but that's not something I recommend to everyone (and I'm sure of her faithfulness, anyway). I certainly wouldn't stay with someone who was cheating and lying if we were only dating. I wish you well, but don't be surprised if this comes back to bite you.
I don't know if I've been cheated on, but I never knew about it so as far to my knowledge, no I have never been cheated on. However, I also, too found out a month into unofficially hanging out with someone, it turns out he was married. That really disgusted me I was unknowingly getting with a married man. Since he wasn't my boyfriend, he didn't cheat on me. That's the closest I've ever been to getting cheated on.
I knew of another guy I hung out with who got with someone else while getting with me, but he wasn't my boyfriend so they technically didn't cheat on me, but they cheated on the person they were with. Once I knew those idiots were getting with someone else and had been "committed" to someone else, I stopped all contact with them. I never thought in my life time I would ever get with a married man who is married to someone else, but it happened to me unknowingly. I don't get how people can live with themselves when they do that. And the man cheated on his high school sweetheart with me and I'm sure with other women as well. Luckily I wasn't too fast to jump into calling him my boyfriend. I'm careful with whoever I call someone my boyfriend.
I have cheated on someone, too, but this was in high school. Once out of high school I've never cheated. The person I cheated on ended up being a douche bag anyway. He was getting with me while sneaking behind my back to try to hook up with one of my best friends and this was before he knew I ever cheated on him so I didn't feel bad that I cheated on him, especially because it was in high school that I did that and he was acting like an immature douche out of high school hitting on two good friends. I wonder what his excuse is for acting like that in his young adulthood when I grew up from my high school ways as an adult. I cheated (in high school) because I had liked someone else more than him and I got together with him at a bad timing. At the time I was young and wanted to know what it was like to have a boyfriend and when someone I truly liked finally showed interest in me, it was bad timing really bad timing. He asked if I had a boyfriend and I lied and said no because I was just shocked someone I was really interested in finally showed interest in me. I wish I never went out with that one guy though, I didn't even like him. I just wanted a boyfriend at the time. I learned from as of lately, I've been careful of who I want to be in an official relationship with.
I would never forgive someone for cheating.
Oh yeah, and to answer your questions, I haven't cheated, but I've been cheated on a lot by exes. I always forgive. Carrying hatred for someone is poison.
@Amazon_Bunny@xanga - I am with you there... to some extent.
I have never been cheated on, nor have I cheated, but I know people who do, and have, and ... let's just say they never! don't cheat again. In my experiences.
So I would never forgive a cheater, no matter how small the "cheat" was. I wouldn't like it done to me and I know I would never forgive (well maybe I would forgive but I would never forget or let them into my lives the same way, or trust them) so I would be a hypocrite to do it myself.
I value my relationships too much and the people in them.
I forgave him. I'm madly in love with him, and we made it work like mature adults. We've both become better people in the process. Although we've had many bumps along the 5+ years we've been together, I'm happier with our relationship now more than ever. I'm so glad I forgave him, and I'm glad he learned from his mistakes.
@Amazon_Bunny@xanga - i disagree.
I've talked to 3 guys at nearly the same time a few years ago, but we were all single and not actually dating, but not hooking up either, no sexual contact, just flirting/talking, so I'm just a flirt, not a cheater since I directly told them that I wasn't looking for a serious relationship. I've talked to a few other guys, who turned out to be in a relationship or married. when I found out that they weren't single, I asked them about their gf/wife and one said that his gf lost her sex drive. I never had sex with him although he really wanted to hookup with me. if he easily suggests hooking up with me, then how many other women is he hooking up with-ugh~no way, I lost interest in him after knowing that he is so easy and desperate.
another said that his wife betrayed him-not sexually cheating but stole his money and fled, then denied wrong doing, so they had a vendetta against each other to get justice or something by cheating back in other immature ways. he said that his family didn't know that they had problems and would basically frown upon divorce, so I guess they toughed it out for years. he also said that he got bored of her and she doesn't put effort to spice things up in the bedroom and was offended when he suggested that she dress up in sexy outfits for some strip tease or something, because she isn't the dress up type. he says that he likes her don't give a f*** personality or chill attitude, but it was contradictory, because he also said that he doesn't like how she is so mean sometimes, yet that's why he was attracted to her in the first place, because she truly doesn't care if she offends her own husband with her words, so she sticks it to the man
I think he meant that he'd like it if she wasn't so bitchy/moody, but I think he played a part in her reactions. that guy had tons of issues and drama, so I stopped talking to him for that and the not single status. too much baggage-I just wanted to talk, not help them deal with their issues. good riddance to them:D I have a new guy now, but he has been acting shady lately, so I'm not sure if he's single like he said. hmmm...lol I tend to meet guys, who turn out to be sociopaths
Just from my personal experience, I wouldn't do it again. I'd forgive them, but I won't stay with them. i did that once. So awful.
i don't know. I used to check bf phone, i saw he text 'i love you' to a girl. Then he said his friend used his phone to do it. I believe him that time. It was like last year.
Sometimes, my mind still thinking,there are more and more of question marks in my head.It still haunt me.
I am going crazy
My first boyfriend told me that he had been going to the movies with this other girl (that he had a thing with before he dated me) while we were dating. He also told me that he couldn't get over her and he still had feelings for her. He told me this on a date. I should have dumped him then. I don't know why I didn't.
But yea. It's wasn't physical cheating, bu it was cheating non-the-less. He didn't have his whole heart in our relationship because of it and that really hurt.
My boyfriend now had been cheated on by multiple girlfriend's in high school. We have both agreed that cheating is a deal breaker (while we're still only dating), but we have also agreed that that's not something we would be willing to put each other through. We know the hurt that it causes, and we love each other deeply. I don't think anything could tear us apart though.
Got cheated on by my ex, forgave her but still bitter towards the guy...
cheating should be a deal breaker
i dont think anyones cheated on me, not that im aware of or ever knew about. i did cheat once though. it was towards what felt like the end of a relationship and my first love came back around to seduce me away. and i let him. -_- i was feeling rejected and lonely with that boyfriend. it was stupid and i regret it. i broke it off with that boyfriend soon after feeling guilty and disgusted with myself. i should have just broken up with him instead, though he never found out so he never experienced the betrayl. no less. doesnt make it any more right or better. thats life though, you live and you learn.
No cheating is never forgivable. My dad cheated on my mom with some other woman. I even remember meeting her when I was 5. It is never okay, I dunno why people think it is.
Forgiveness is a good practice, but forgiving someone doesn't mean you have to stay. Seeing change doesn't benefit you if you don't trust him, especially already knowing the things he's already done recently. Boys take years to grow up (if they do), not months. Don't try to rationalize his actions with something you're not 100% about.
I cheated on a boyfriend whose favorite name for me was "Whore"... so I think he deserved it very much. I didn't fuck the other guy but did date him.
I'll never forgive a cheater.