Whenever I go to a wedding, I imagine why they will get divorced.
Awhile ago, my friend and I were talking and I had a lightbulb moment: a coffee table book called "Happily Ever After". On one page, it would have marriage photos, and then on the other side would be a copy of the divorce papers, and underneath maybe the man/woman's version of why things just didn't work out. I thought that would be interesting, something I would definitely buy if given the chance. Who knows. maybe that book already exists.
More and more of the Facebook albums my friends are tagged in are of weddings. Hell, I was in a wedding in October and I'm still waiting to get tagged so I can untag myself with lighting speed! I know, we're all supposed to be happy for the newlyweds and such, but more often than not we are imperfect people. In this age of instant satisfaction, I think the idea of "life is too short to be unhappy" pops up all too easily.
What do I have against marriage? Nothing in and of itself., just everything that surrounds it. It is a milestone, but its not the ultimate definition of what will make you happy.
Maybe I have a biased point of view because bad marriage stories are always way more interesting than good marriage stories.
Don't get me started on kids!
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Comments (36)
If you have nothing against marriage, why do you state you DO have something against it in the title of the post? You have a thing against WEDDINGS. Totally different. Write about that.
Seriously though, divorces are just easier to get these days than they used to be. People don't realize how much hard work goes into a successful marriage. They whimp out and split after a few months/years. No big deal. You can keep getting married/divorced until you find a person willing to fight to keep you in their lives because they sincerely love you. Or, at the very least, strongly likes your company.
I think people are just getting worse at relationships with other people in general. I read some study a while ago that indicated that the average person had 2-3 close friends they could always confide in these days, as opposed to 5 close friends a few decades ago.
Technology's not helping either.
That book sounds a bit cruel, though. I can't imagine how many people would want to tell the entire world why their marriage failed, unless their partner did something horrible and they wanted to out them.
AMEN.
Just so you know, I second everything you just said. FINALLY. Someone who believes the same thing as me.
I don't think there's anything wrong with marriage or divorce. There are many social reasons that so many marriages end in divorce, these being but not limited to, a vision of an ideal, but unattainable relationship, the unimportance of a life long commitment, and the lack of knowing oneself before getting married.
Whether people want to admit it or not, when they see movies, or they see relationships outside of their own, they tend to want to copy it. We pick up characteristics from others that we want to adopt, even if we never do. For example, I pride myself on being flexible. Today I asked my fiance if I am, in fact, flexible, and I got a terse "No" as my reply. Oops! When these sort of things happen, we confuse what we want to be reality with reality, and become unsatisfied.
In other cultures, commitment is a virtue. In America, commitment is often considered dumb. Neither is wrong, but you can't escape the fact that we are in America. While two Indians may be completely complacent in their arranged, loveless marriage, Americans don't feel the need to honor the idea of lifelong commitment, and instead break away, and do other things.
Also, people really do not know themselves. While this may be said for any culture, it is not as relevant in cultures where commitment or arranged marriages are common. In societies such as our own, it becomes an issue of great importance because we want to identify with our partner in a way we cannot with anyone else. If we have no idea who we are, we can't do that. Some might argue that who we think we are is irrelevant, and I somewhat agree, because, as I said before, who we think we are may vastly differ from that which we are (which is always changing, by the way.) But to have some sort of grasp on what we believe in, and what we stand for is crucial to make a relationship work.
Anyways, I'll stop talking now.
@Shy___Away@xanga - Although I agree with what you are saying for the most part, I disagree with the fact that you are completely generalizing arranged marriages as "complacent and loveless." Sure thats what America's view is, and there might be some like that. However, me being in Indian I can tell you I have met plenty of people who have very loving and affectionate arranged marriages... actually most are very happy.
I'm not sure if thats how you meant it, but thats how it comes off.
well aren't you just a ball of sunshine?
I'm against people constantly obsessing over their search for "the one". Seriously? Is that all you see as important in life? Talk about tunnel vision.
@pawnshop_heart@xanga - my original was "happily ever after" lovelyish changed it.
@jamesc1025@xanga - Lovelyish changes everything. Though, I didn't mention in my comment how I think you aren't the only one who feels this way. It's just how things are these days. People just don't expect much anymore in the marriage department.
This post makes no sense.
Wrong site?
You have a baseless argument?
You're just really cynical...?
What's your point?
im a little confused why you're against marriage.
I do believe in marriage, I am married myself. However, I do believe that people don't understand the meaning anymore behind it. They think relationships are all fun and games and when it gets hard they give up. I don't believe in divorce (except in drastic situations such as abuse). Relationships are work, sometimes they are hard, but they are worth it in the end if you truly love the person. I'm really tired of divorce being used as a get out of jail free card. Also most marriages fail because of disillusionment. People tend to think things will be perfect once they get married, that any problems they have will magically disappear, that everything will be perfect. This will never be the case. People are not perfect they make mistakes and they will disappoint you. At the end of the day if you are still in love with someone no matter how much they screw up then that is worth working on. Sorry I could rant forever, I am a psych major and have taken many a class in relationships.
I'm not against marriage, but I HATE weddings. I hate how they basically are made to show off to your family and friends. I don't feel the need to prove my love in front of 200+ people.
I'm likely going to just elope.
marriage is a great thing. not everyone get a divorce. i mean my grandparents have been married for 50 years and so is their sister and brother.my parents are still married.i have a whole long list of how many of my aunt and uncles are still married. just because you have bad spots in a marriage doesnt mean they will divorce.i also think we should make divorcing less easy like they can only divorce if they have a good reason
i just dont believe in weddings, marriages or whatever its called. whatever its called.
I don't have anything against marriage...as long as someone else does it!
In all seriousness, I wouldn't mind getting married if I ever met someone I wanted to marry. But the idea of a big fancy wedding makes me sick! I don't want a frilly white dress and everyone going crazy over silly little decorations. I just want a hand-binding ceremony out in the woods with a few close friends and family members.
marriage is another excuse to post more conceited pictures on their facebook
first it was a college party hardy album with drunken pictures, then drunken marriage pictures at the dinner reception party, later it is a drunken picture of the spouse using his cheeseburger as a harmonica humming the blues because his spouse cheated and betrayed everything that he's ever known but life goes on. back to partying in da club
i think you hit the nail on the head with the instant gratification nowadays. people feel good when they start out, and they dont wait til they hit a rocky patch to see how they can handle the rough times together. so they get married and when the rough patch rolls around, they dont know how to deal with it. ultimately, if they waited, they wouldve seen they never shouldve gotten married. i also think there is a lot of social pressure when it comes to big weddings. and people dont want to be alone, so they dont wait for someone special, they settle with the first person they can
I think our generationis very muchinfluenced by the media ,which is very idealistic. So many sitcoms with perfect marraiges that have problems that last a day max.
We're humans it's not possible to have a perfect marraige with hard work.Technology has given us the delusion that everything can be done without effort. We don't see all the work that goes into designing and manufacturing a kettle but we see the wonderful outcome.
I believe a perfect marraige should be designed and manufactured very carefully.We're all just too lazy and slightly delusional.
I admit I have a huge chip on my shoulder and I think marriage (in general) is a colossal joke, especially nowadays. In other words, I ain't doing it!!! And I don't like weddings because, as was stated above, they're just too showy!
I have absolutely no desire to ever get married, but if I did suddenly lose my mind and decided to take that plunge into madness, I would rather go to Vegas, get married by an Elvis impersonator, and then top the evening off at a Cirque du Soleil show.
Of course the bad marriage stories are more interesting, that's why you hear so little about happy marriages.
It's like the news. They bring on the really bad guys, because what news would it be to say "hey, 99% of the population haven't killed anyone today, thank you folks!" But that doesn't mean there's only horrible people out there.
And you do think different when you're married, you can't just break up with that person so you handle fights and problems completely different.
LOL i admit it...i have lots of things against weddings and marriages! if you're not going to submit yourself to the torture of children, there's practically no point in getting married besides making legal paperwork easier.
BTW, i like your idea for the marriage/divorce book. go find some divorced couples and make it happen 'cuz i wanna read it!