Monday, 21 December 2009
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Help! I’m Not Ready For Weddings and Babies
If I got married or pregnant this year, nobody would bat an eye-lid. It wouldn’t cause some huge sensation, because people get married and pregnant when they’re my age all the time. That’s scary. I’m not ready for weddings and babies! I still just want to party and write!I’ve done OK so far. I have my Bachelor’s degree. I have a post-grad. I’m well-read and decently traveled. I’m not in the career I want to be in right now, but I’m trying. I have dreams and hopes and I’m getting there slowly. I have a stable relationship with no desire to get married until I’m psychologically old enough (which might take some years yet!) and I’ve lived away from home for years.
But OK isn’t good enough.
I remember being a kid and thinking, “Wow. Twenties is so old!” I genuinely believed that by my twenties, I’d have made a name for myself. I’d be a famous writer. I’d have my own mansion. I’d be married to some incredible Disney-style-Prince, and we’d have a second-home in Italy where we’d spend our summers judging tourists and listening to Bach. Mmmmm. My twenties sounded so good back then. The reality is, of course, incredibly different. Maybe it’s the crushing actuality of it all that makes me ashamed to be meandering listlessly towards my mid-twenties without having achieved these things. And so, every time a stranger asks how old I am I reply, “Nineteen.” It just comes out. I can’t stop it.
Nineteen! I can’t remember what nineteen feels like. I just remember it being completely different to now. Nineteen was going away to college. Nineteen was getting my first car and not having to pester my parents for theirs anymore. Nineteen was spending a summer in the States and partying until dawn every night. Nineteen was falling madly in love for the first time. Nineteen was realizing that the world was mine for the taking. Nineteen was no responsibilities, and the excuse “I’m only nineteen!” Nineteen was amazing. I felt so young and alive! How can my perceptions of my age change so drastically in just four years? Four years is so small and minuscule! In another four years I’ll stupidly probably be longing for the age I am now
I hate looking like I’m in my 20s, too. I live in the UK, and you have to be 18 to purchase alcohol over here. If I go to the supermarket to buy drinks and they don’t ID me? Then, I leave the store incredibly sad. And offended. And vowing to dip my entire body in Oil of Olay every hour from then on. How dare these people assume I am my actual age! I want to be like Wilde’s Dorian Gray. I want to get more fresh-faced and immortal with each passing day. I don’t want to look almost 24!
Is it normal to feel this way when you’re still only in your 20s? I say “only” because I’m well aware that 20s is infantile in the grand-scheme-of-things. I’m well aware of these things, yet still I long to be younger. I need a good shake. Have you ever lied about your age? Why did/do you do it?
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About the Author
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- From: Kookoolee@xanga
- Name: KT
- About Me: Hiya! I'm KT! And sometimes? I get awfully confused and put milk on my fries and salt in my tea. But I'm not all bad. Honest. I like big adventures, cheesy music, sparkling wine, classic literature, and pretending I'm Taylor Swift in my car!
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Comments (47)
16 and loving it. Most of the time I don't want to grow up either.
My thought is not to rush things. I'm turning 29 in the upcoming year, and I have a wonderful family and a bachelor's degree that I've worked hard for. I think you CAN establish your career while having a family, but if you're not ready to, I wouldn't. I started having kids at 25, and I don't regret that at all. However, I had 2 years into my career (teaching) before that, and it was so worth it to focus on myself and my marriage and my career than to worry about having kids. However, if you're in a super stable relationship, I'm not sure why I would put off getting married - but again, that's just me. :)
hey I'm only 17 but I think that 24 isn't old at all. Most people get married at around age 28-30 today. But I did once lie about my age so that I could be a legal age to hang out with older people. I wish I was where you are now. I'm so ready to get married and have children... but I'm too young and don't have a job soo yeah that's self explanatory ...
I'm 24, and recently married (hey, after nearly 7 years, we needed some legal backing), but I totally understand.
I've got a bachelor's, but I'm unemployed, and in no way financially or emotionally prepared to even TRY having kids --- yet everyone thinks it's their place to tell me to hurry up and get pregnant.
Let's see -- what else is wrong with that?
-I have a mood disorder that my birth control is HELPING WITH!
-I have uncontrolled asthma, and my meds can't be taken while pregnant.
-I have a small heart murmur which hasn't been checked out recently.
-I suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder, and 9 months of hormone hell will NOT make life any safer for myself or those around me.
..and I still feel like the 17-year-old I was when I met my now-husband. It's been 7 years(to the day, actually, since we met), and I still feel like the same teenage girl , sitting around and having the same goofy, pseudo-philosophical discussions. Somehow I don't think a screaming ball of snot and shit would leave room for that.
@my_favorite_song@xanga - let's go to never never land.
where we'll never never have to take another precalc/apush test again! <3
Oh god almost everything you've said is what I've been feeling this year. Probably going to feel the same in 2010. I was 19 years old 14 days ago and now I'm twenty it sucks dude it sucks.
How dare these people assume I am my actual age!
LOL!
I absolute love this post. Although I wouldn't mind looking my age sometimes... I am 23 years old, and I get mistaken for being like 17. It gets old... FAST.
30 is old. 24, you're still young.
You're 24, get over it. It's not like you're in your thirties or ...GASP, forties! __eye roll___
I lie about my age when I go to the states so I can drink, I'm only 18 teehee
I'm 24, and that's a bit scary, but I would never pick 19! Maybe because 21 is a much more significant age here in the US, but 19 seems way too young. If I had to lie, or pick an age to stay at forever, 22 would be my magic number
i understand what you're saying. i'm nineteen right now, and although i'm still a teenager i have friends getting married and starting families. it's surreal for me now. i assume that when i'm 24 i'll be in the same position as you. hang in there though, and do what' you think is right for yourself!
Oi, I'm nineteen and about to turn 20 in two days. For the past few weeks, I've been having my half-way-to-mid-life crisis. Peter Pan syndrome. I can't stand the thought of "growing up". I try using the excuse "I'm only 19" on occasion, and older people just sneer at me and say, "well, when I was your age, I was married", etc...and even worse, some don't believe me when I tell them I'm nineteen (I smoke and drink like a fiend and don't get enough sleep, so I get placed around 25 often. Which isn't bad, really, but at this rate, I'll be looking 50 when I'm only 40...).
Twenty four? Actually, I'm ready to be rid of my teens and skip the whole 21 thing all together because to me, from 22-30 are your bad ass years. The crazy, subject to change on a whim young person years. You are above the confused teen and college years, you know how to do shit and can get away with doing even more shit because you are not under the rules of older people. And I've always liked the sound of that.
I love Dorian. My favorite character to hate, but...I've wished for that too. :)
Dorian Gray traded his soul for that, didn't he =)?
A lot of people I know from elementary/middle/high school are already married or engaged, and it's making me feel like I'm falling behind (I'm only 22, but I sure haven't felt like it in a long time =/). I thought the same thing when I was younger, that by this age I would have a career and all that, but I don't even know what I want to do with my life anymore, and I feel like time is running out. I don't lie about my age, mainly cuz I feel like I wouldn't be able to fool anybody =(.
Turning 21 was hard because there are no more special privileges after that...except maybe running for president at 35 (like that will ever happen!). Oh and I can join the Red Hat Society at 50! Yeah!
I'm 18, and engaged to a fantastic amazing man that I can't wait to marry. The marriage will happen soon enough, but babies are a no go until I finish my schooling- it's killing me! Of course I want to finish school, but then I see his family. He's older than I, and his siblings are raising families.. I want to join in!
i'm 15 and i never get id checked...the highest age someone guessed me to be was 21. :| at least you look your age, i don't want to be called 40 when i'm 30!
@FairyTalesAndWhiskey@xanga - Good way to look at it
@azashi@xanga - Stop Bragging.
I'm twenty-one but no one ever believes it at first glance. The oldest anyone has guessed me to be is nineteen when I'm wearing my professional attire. The youngest has been eleven. I understand seventeen, but eleven...really! I'm almost 5' 9" with c cups. I don't know about you but I've never met an eleven year old with those stats. I don't like being confused for a younger age but I guess the grass is always greener on the other side. Maybe I'll appreciate it when I'm 30.
live in vegas. they card u a lot. lol.
how abt being 27 and being asked for ID? And then get comments from clients that goes "i thought u are 30+" And of coz, still not married at 27 when half of my friends have been proposed to, or are already married...
Luckily i feel comfy in my own skin & i luff it off at any comments on my age. I m petite (which helps in looking younger) but i have extremely long curls which add years...something i need in my line of work.
Back to ur ready for marriage & babies..I tink there's no right age to get married/ procreate just coz ppl around u are... :)
I m 22, but I m not reli care sth like" how old do u think I am"
cause people may just lie to you and want you feel better.XD
I always hope I look like exactly the age I am.
(in my 30s I may hope I look 5 years younger than my age)
don set limit on age, it doesn't matter if you hv ur baby in 24 or 34.
It's merely a personal choice.
No I never lied about my age..A lot of people think I'm a lot younger than I am. I'm 21, and a lot of times people don't even think I'm 18 yet. I guess I will love this mix up as I get older but right now it's kind of like ah, are you serious? lol
As far as getting married and having a baby goes, I don't know when I will be ready for that either and I'm even engaged lol! I just don't feel the need to rush into marriage until I'm 100% ready. As long as you're happy with where you are in life, that's all that matters.
I agreed with everything you were saying in the first couple paragraphs. I, too, have accomplished things no one else in my family has: i moved out of the town I grew up in, to the big city. I have a bachelor's degree, and most likely, will go on to grad school after a year or two of working. Like you, I definitely haven't found my dream career, but I am happy. I have also been with the same guy for 5 and 1/2 years, and we are very happy.
Do I want babies? Nope. Marriage? Nah. I'm so not ready for any of that, and neither is he. We are just happy to be together and moving into our adulthood/professional life as a couple. I get the marriage question a lot, but most people know to back off at this point, haha.
As for lying about your age, you definitely shouldn't feel any need to do this...ever! Be proud of what you've accomplished, what you're growing into, etc. You are still super young, and you should be proud of all that you've done.
I am 18, but at my job I regularly am asked if I'm old enough to work there. I get carded for lighters/cigarettes all the time, even at the little corner store by my boyfriend's house, where the guy hardly cards anyone but me. I guess I just look really young. Being barely 5' tall doesn't help, either.
I figure it'll be a good thing when I'm older.