Monday, 21 December 2009

  • Why Can't I Be His Best Friend?

     

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    I feel that when you're in a relationship with someone for a long time you should become best friends with that person. Or you should at least have a best friend-like bond. Best friends have a special bond and they become very close with each other over time. The two people have a bond where basically they can do anything together and somehow still have fun. I'd like this bond in a relationship. I'd like to be able to sit with my boyfriend doing nothing and still have a good time. We've been together for over a year now and just recently I told him I wanted to be his girlfriend and his best friend. He replied with "You're my girlfriend and that's that." Why can't guys get down and emotional with things like this? They know they have a best friend who they can run and tell anything to. Why can't their girlfriend be that person too. Now, I know my boyfriend can trust me and he can tell me things when he needs to. But I also know he doesn't let me know all of it. I know he runs to his best friend and vents to him when he's mad instead of talking it out with me.

    Why can't men get to our level and see things through our eyes with something like this? Why is a subject like this so touchy with them? It's not embarrassing. I have a best friend, or someone close to a best friend. It's difficult but I won't get into that. Why do guys get so touchy when we bring up best friends and the relationship they have? I want a mans perspective on this. I want to get to the bottom of your bromances and what's behind them!

    Any men want to help me out on this? Any ladies experience something like this with their boyfriends?

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Comments (37)

  • Manstration@xanga

    Wrong ISH site.
  • Vacantwhispers@xanga

    Women don't always see things from a man's point of view, so how can females expect males to do that while we can't do it ourselves?

    I'd say if he's not comfortable telling you everything and you don't wanna put up with it, leave him.

    But don't get in between a man and his fellas, that's just cruel.
  • soyeahthatswhathappened@xanga

    @Manstration@xanga - yeah...


    my boyfriend is my best friend, we do everything together and it's always been that way so i'm not sure how to help. sorry.
  • babymeatball@xanga

    ohhh boys just take longer to get to that phase, i think. some boys at least. maybe you guys just aren't right for eachother, who knows.

    i've been dating my boyfriend for almost 3 years, and it wasn't till about a year ago that he actually said i was his best friend as well as being the love of his life.

    these things just take time..
  • thegirlwiththecamera@xanga

    I disagree. You boyfriend should not be your best friend. You each need to have other people to turn to. You can have a bond as if he's you best friend, and I do find it weird that you tohe can't just hang out and do nothing together. Guys don't always see the way we do, and he may not realize what the big deal is. Some guys need their best friend to be a guy who he can kick back with and have a beer, watch football and talk about chicks. If you don't like that, that's your problem. I'm sure he has nothing against you, and doesn't think of you any differently, that's just how it is, and how he needs it to be.
  • betterdesigned@xanga

    Shouldn't this be on Datingish or something?
  • TakingxOverxMe@xanga

    Wrong site.
  • Imnotcrazyjustinsane@xanga

    Do you nag at him like this about it too?

    Maybe that's why.
  • SamiiSaysHaii@xanga

    I can see where he's coming from. I mean, there's just some things I wouldn't want to discuss with my boyfriend, whereas I would be fine talking to my best friend about it.

    But then again, to each their own. Does it really even matter though ?

  • Nina1981@xanga

    Like others have said... wrong "ish" site.
  • Parsimony@xanga

    It would be ideal. I'd want that.  But sexual dynamics is not the same as platonic dynamics, the two are usually mutually exclusive.  It doesn't happen to everyone.  That kind of bond takes a certain (platonic first) compatibility and a long time to build.
  • Shy___Away@xanga

    I don't think you should ever make somebody be your best friend. That's kind of... weird, I don't know. It seems like becoming best friends is just something you fall into, not request and expect to have happen.
  • crazedhobbit@xanga

    this seems like it should be on datenglish.. but me and my boyfriend are best friends, it seems like your boyfriend might be more intersted in the physical if he cant see u as a close friend
  • XoAsianBabioX@xanga

    @TakingxOverxMe@xanga - yo i was gonna say the exact same thing. xD

    but i was best friends with my boyfriend. it was great. we were open to each other about everything.

  • scruffylizard@xanga

    why is this on Lovelyish? I don't sub to datingish for a reason. I object. 
  • prototype_abbeyancyF7@xanga

    SO =/= best friend. That's borderline clingy. It's not a good idea to confuse two types of emotional support - the romance (boyfriend) and the advice (best friend). Good relationships often have the female and male counterparts both with their own groups of friends. If you spend too much time with one guy who's double-dutying as both best friend and boyfriend, the claustrophobia sets in twice as quickly.

  • endlesscrowd@xanga

    It's not a good idea. I just got out of a relationship that lasted a year.... we were best friends. If you break up, you loose your best friend and you loose your lover. It's harder when you loose BOTH. 
  • arenadi@xanga

    This is not against you, poster.  This is against Datingish posts on Lovelyish.  I avoid Datingish for a reason, and I don't want to see Datingish material on Lovelyish.
  • x__BeautiifulxDiisaster__x@xanga

    @Manstration@xanga - Agreed.
    I don't think it's all men, seems like it's just immature men (a.k.a. boys). Once your bf (or SO) is mature enough to have a mature enough relationship with you, there won't be things kept from each other. It's not much a of serious relationship if he can't confide in you when he needs to vent.
  • P0RCELA1N_D0LL@xanga

    because he has known his male best friend longer than his girlfriend and one year may seem like a lot but sometimes it takes a while longer for him to confide in someone, who is not likely to gossip or blog about it to the entire world. I was on datingish and this girl said her guy friend told her to not tell anyone about his relationship problems with his gf but she posted a public blog to ask for advice to humiliate him anyway

  • andeeeee@xanga

    for someone to be your best friend, you need history that doesn't revolve around your relationship. if you were childhood friends and started dating, there you go. just because you're in a relationship with someone isn't a reason to be best friends. you have nothing to fall back on when the relationship is over... I hope you're not just wanting the title. love can turn into hate in an instant; the more you love him, the harder you can hate him.
  • Jadedecaro@xanga

    i am his best friend.
    but sometimes its just better to still have individual friends.because sometimes ur individual friend understand u more than him.
    also, u can be each other's best friends.it's more stable too. but without the rush.
  • ron_andante@xanga

    coz he needs some space to bitch abt u? just like how we bitch abt him to our gfs? :D
  • peaceciao@xanga

    My boyfriend was my best friend before we got together, and I was his. For years before infact.
    So now we have a bestfriend and a boyfriend relationship.


    However I think its different when you just meet your boyfriend, that bond doesn't come straight away, if ever to be honest.
  • supaflychikn@xanga

    my boyfriend was and still is my best friend.

    might complicate things if you break up though.

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