So it happened. The thing that women always question to themselves... "Will I ever have a one night stand?" That answer finally was answered for me last night. The answer was "yes."
I would previously write in my blogs that I am nowhere close to the label "SLUT," but I am horny a lot ever sincee me and my first love broke up. I just talk to myself on whether or not it was worth seeing some person and just having sex. Because it came to the point for me that I wouldn't care who I was with (giving the exception that he would be clean in all aspects). But at the time I had only been with one person at the time, and like I said he was my first love, so I was at the level of people I ever wanted to be with. Yet the thought always at the back of my mind was... "Would I be considered a slut? Would I lose my self respect? Will I look in the mirror and despise myself in the end?"
I told a friend about what happened. She has been with more people than me, and told me... "Don't become me." I don't consider her a slut because she is one of my good friends and I know all of her situations behind all of the people she has been with. I told her I can't believe I did that, and its not like me, but at the time it seemed like I should. I just flat out didn't know what came over me. Now I have 2 notches in my belt and I am not particularly happy about the second one.
Later the second day, I was sitting on the floor just thinking. Thinking about how I felt and how messed up it made me. I feel like my love making isn't worth anything if i could just give it away like that. It's so easy (in my eyes) to end up repeating the same mistakes. I wouldn't want to repeat the same mistake. I'm curious on what others think about this subject.
Have you ever had a one-night stand? How did that make you feel? Do you think that one-night stands are that bad?
Comments (51)
No. As long as you are aware, conscientious and responsible. Society made all this unwritten "acceptable rules" judging us what is right and wrong. Again, who is society to have such authority over us?
Sex is very primal but one that also comes with consequences. But, do not use sex to fill the a missing void or to compensate yourself in anyway. Because then, the problem doesn't actually lie in one night stands but how you value yourself really.
Hope that helps :)
Cheers
I applaud you on being so open about your one night stands. It's really taboo and even though the media and music videos "pray" on the sex, it's hard to even talk about it. Us Asians, it's even harder to express ourselves "sexually" since it's almost condoned to talk about it. Anyway, I think it doesn't matter how many times you've done as long as you feel like you're not being mentally "hurt" by it. At the end though it will take a strain on your mentality and it might be like a "gateway" action, like it leads to severe actions that will affect you even more severely.
In the end, it is your body and actions. It's better to have one night stands with people you know than strangers although it's probably not a good idea if it's a long term thing.
Are there actually women out there having one night stands with men? I'd love to meet some!
I'm not sure how qualified I am to give my opinion here, being a virgin without much relationship experience, but:
I think sex is a form of intimacy. I think it's a beautiful act that should only be done with someone who you're already nonsexually intimate with, who you're in a relationship with and are in love with.
Flirting with strangers is okay. Dancing with them, talking with them, beginning to get to know them. Kissing is pushing it, making out is putting your toe on the line. And sleeping with them is taking a running leap over a barrier that separates appropriate conduct from inappropriate conduct.
But that is the way I live my life, and I'm not telling you that you should live yours the same way. As long as you and your one-night-stand-buddy both understand your actions, and what it may or may not lead to, then that's acceptable. In my own opinion, it's not a respectable way to act or a good thing to do. But as long as it's not hurting anyone, I'm not going to be too vehemently opposed to it.
wasn't this on datingish?
Go have one night stands. But this sounds like a very trashy, uneducated way of talking about it.
@S_K_O_T@xanga - yeah but they wouldnt fuck you
I did by accident. I'd been hanging out with a guy 4 years ago and I thought we were starting a relationship, turns out he just wanted to 'bed' me. It hurt like nothing else. I won't sleep with a guy unless it's for real.
@XoAsianBabioX@xanga - my thoughts exactly ...
I had one. It was with a guy who I'd had a crush on back in high school, and it was a really great boost to my self-esteem at the time, but sometimes I feel kind of bad about it. I don't plan on doing it again, or making a habit of it, but I don't think it is the worst thing anyone could do. As long as both parties aren't emotionally involved (with the situation or with other people), I don't see a problem. It's when it becomes a habit or when you think a relationship could ever come from it that it becomes an issue.
The picture says it all.
@turnyalightsdownlow@xanga - @XoAsianBabioX@xanga - yea it was on there. i submitted it to both of them. but i didnt think that both of them would actually publish it.
@ShimmerBodyCream@xanga - Wouldn't expect them to,the man fucks the woman!... and anyway, I didn't say anything about fucking,you did!..., there's a WHOLE LOT of great things a man and woman can do together, either for a night, or a lot longer!
@S_K_O_T@xanga - the man being the top and the "woman" being the bottom.
Whatever you and your boyfriend do is private, just keep it in the bedroom. I don't want to know.
You know what one night stands can be beautiful in their own way. Whatever sexually empowers you, you do it. There is nothing wrong with one night stands. As long as your happy with them and dont feel awful about it. if it feels right go for it, if it doesnt stop
I hate the label slut
I think you are over analyzing it. Just because you had a one night stand you are not a bad person and that doesn't make you worth any less. I think you're beating yourself up way too much. Lots of women have one night stands, they just don't always have the balls to talk about it. Really, what is different from guys going out and sleeping around from women? Who makes the call or the rules to say that men are studs and women and sluts when they both do the same thing? It's stupid and inconsistent. It is all about your mindset and it's not like you're whoring yourself out, you're doing it because it is something you want.
Honestly they're allright as long as you KNOW it's a one night stand and you protect yourself... I don't see why people see them as so terrible.
Sex doesn't mean love and vice-versa. It's when women begin to blur the line between the two that one night stands become an issue.
@ShimmerBodyCream@xanga - Hey, hey...YOU bought fucking up! And, hey, hey, hey, stop there...though the word "fuck" has come to mean the gammut of sex in general, let's be honest, fucking really means that...fucking! It's about the penis, it's about the cock, going into the pussy ( or maybe the ass) ! It's about the man fucking the woman and the woman getting fucked! There's finger-fucking as well (or even fist-fucking, but we shouldn't go there...no-one should!)...but fucking is only part of the spectrum of sex and love-making between a man and a woman.
I generally don't like to, and don't, talk quite so blue as this, but you took it there, and if anyone else wishes to know the reason for my burst of ribald language, then please consult miss shimmerbodycream's initial comment to me.
@ShimmerBodyCream@xanga - ...and, contradict yourself much?! You usually seem to want what "boyfriends" do with each other aired blatantly in public, you seem to really WANT to know what "top" and "bottom" "boyfriends" are doing...because you're usually supporting and pushing the fuck out of that shit!
It depends on how you handle the situation. There are some people who say as long as you can count the number of people you've been with... it shouldn't matter. Yes, after your first typically you'll question your actions and your judgement, but you'll eventually get over it and accept it or learn from it and never let it happen again.
And as far as your quote "I feel like my love making isn't worth anything if i could just give it away like that" one night stands are not about making love- it's about f**king and it's just sex.
@S_K_O_T@xanga - for you im assuming that is penis in the ass. If anyone would actually have you. but probably not. Go back to your fleshlight.
@ShimmerBodyCream@xanga - You're ass-uming correctly...for once! I would NEVER go for a Fleshlight, never, I need more, and deserve more, than that...you cold-hearted horror! I have to repeatedly settle for going back to my fist, but that's not nearly enough.
One Night Stands and love making are 2 toooootally different things. One's for pleasure one's emotional. Nothin slutty about that unless you're having one night stands like 4 times a week. Time to talk to Dr. Drew. He could help. But i don't see how he could help cause he is one night stand material. (; lol
ive had an accidental one-night stand. i gave him a ride home after knowing him for a day and we were watching a movie. it lead to other things, and it felt fabulous. i hadnt had sex in almost a year. he was #3 for me. the next day we talked and he wanted friends with benefits, i wanted a relationship, so i told him we're in 2 separate places and its not gonna work, and i havent seen him since.
i dont and have never felt bad about it. i wondered why on earth i did that when i never have before. hormones i suppose. but i didnt feel like a slut. i didnt like having another notch on my belt, but other than that i dont regret it. what i regret more is sleeping with my ex, who was #4. he was awful and he didnt wanna do anything to me and it made me feel like he was disgusted by me. it didnt last. pretty sad. actually, i ended up cheating on him with ex who was #2, about a half hour after sleeping with #4. confusing i know. i questioned that more than the one-night stand. it was like suddenly, my morals disappeared. or, my hormones kicked in and i knew that #2 could give me what nobody else ever could. its weird how you do a lot of the things you say you'd never do. life's lessons i suppose. the important thing is you learn from them. like: i dont want empty one-night stands and; eventually the guilt of cheating is going to catch up to you even if you didn't feel guilty for some time after it happened, so i wont do it anymore.
the important thing is you live. you may make mistakes, but you wont always wonder 'what if'