Editor's Note: This entry appears on the Xanga front page, but we thought Lovelyish readers would find it interesting as well.
My wife wears Shalwar Kameez. But I really would not mind if she wore a Hijab, Nijab or even controversial to western culture Burka. Since I am talking about such a controversial thing I need to explain a few things to my readers.
I am not Middle Eastern nor do I follow the Muslim religion. I am a Follower of Yeshua (Jesus) and unlike popular belief when talking about Burkas, I believe that my wife is free to wear what ever she likes.
At this moment almost all of her outfits are Shalwar Kameez. I believe that all women should be able to choose what ever they want to wear. Short shorts or burkas, it doesn't matter to me. I would urge you though to think about wearing modest clothing.
So why wouldn't I mind if my wife wore a Burka?
(my wife in her Shalwar Kameez)
Here are my top 5 reasons.
Reason 1: Most Men are lustful creatures at best
Why do you think the porn industry is one of top industries in America? It's a common fact that men lust after women. A woman can walk down the street past a group of men and the men's conversations will turn to certain attributes of the woman that had just passed (usually going into some sort of inappropriate comment).
This usually does not happen with a woman who has a choice of clothing in modesty. If anything they will comment about how stuck up or fully clothed the woman is. I have been witness to many a conversation on the attributes that God has blessed certain well endowed women as they passed by..so believe me when I say more often than not these conversations do happen...don't let men fool you.
When they talk about such attributes they are not giving you a compliment. A compliment would be "I like the way you think" or " you are a very trustworthy person" not " you have a nice (insert lustful body part here)" We have breed a generation of women who think looks is all that matters, and then you want to yell when men don't take you seriously in the work place. How can men take you seriously when they cant see past you cleavage... as I said men are lustful creatures.
You may be saying but skin is beautiful or why should I hide my skin for a man anyway well that leads me to reason 2
(a picture of Shalwar Kameez)
Reason 2: I will be the only male who knows the specifics of my wife's body
Skin is beautiful..and my wife hides hers for the enjoyment of her husband. I take great pride that I will be the only man who knows what my wife looks like under her clothes. No other man will be able to say truthfully that they know the form of her body. I as a husband will be the only person who can fully appreciate the beauty within her form. It is a great feeling to know that.
Also I have found that there is a great amount of attraction to my wife knowing that she takes the time to share her true physical form with me and only me. I find myself staring at her with new adoration as she goes through her daily life dealing with people, knowing all day long there is one aspect of her that is truly all mine. That she has made a stand to protect that treasure to the best of her ability from the world around her and for that she is the Jewel of my heart.
(a Picture of Hijab - Headcovering that covers the neck and all the hair but leaves the face open)
Reason 3: People will take my wife for her and not her looks.
People will be forced to get to know my wife for who she is and not what cookie cutter mold she physically fits into. It opens new doors to people, who wish to get to know her. I find that most of my wife's considerations are more in intellectual issues and not fashion and/or modern trends in ways to lose weight.
Men tend to talk directly to her staring at her face and looking her in the eyes. They tend to be straight to the point and are friendly but not in a sense that would make it seem they are trying to get away, or an extreme friendliness that would make me uncomfortable. She simply gets the normal reaction that I get when I would speak with them.
Women have two reactions to her.
The first is the actual interactions. Her Shalwar typically is a conversation starter with a good many of women and have helped her start new friendships. When people (people who know her) actually talk to her about things they tend to look at her as an equal and not a threat or someone to compete with. Things seem to just go smoother.
The second is that she get women staring at her. Some of them seem to be with a glare and whisper...some of them with a glance a re-glance...and some of them will add the rare comment about pushing the women back into the stone age. Most people would view this as a reason not to wear it. For me it is a reason for her to wear one. She finds out really quickly the true colors of certain women way before most would find out. My wife has felt that when women have reacted negatively toward modesty it is because they are struggling with that issue themselves...I tend to agree.
(Pictures of the Nijab - Covers everything but eyes and can be worn with Shalwar if one wishes)
Reason 4: Less prep time when we want to go out.
Some men will understand this more than others. It takes my wife the same amount of time to get ready for an evening out that it does me. There are not hours of primping in the mirror and dress changes.
This does not mean that my wife does not get dressed up but it has seriously cut down on the prep time she does. She can still apply makeup, and do her hair (even though she wraps it under a scarf).
Shalwar even comes in a variety of style and some of them can be very modest and elegant. But the great factor in all of this is I know that the makeup and the hair styling is all for me. It is not for the benefit of others because they can not see it. They don't know what she looks like underneath the clothes but I do and It has taken less time to do than if she was dressing for the world to see.
(Burka - Covers whole body - with or without eyecovering)
Reason 5: Freedom to do anything she needs to do with out fear of exposing something I wouldn't want her to.
My wife can do anything she wants to with out exposing undergarments or body parts. My wife is a pretty active person she hikes, exercises, plays DDR (Dance Dance Revolution), does housework, takes care of kids, cooks, even sometimes plays sports all the while wearing her Shalwar. She says that the clothing actually makes her feel cooler than the stuff she used to wear.
I remember one time (we were dating at the time) when my wife and I went rock climbing. It was more of a patch of rocks that were left by glacier. We had gone there on impulse with some friends, so my wife was wearing a skirt as she normally did even when we would go hiking together.
My wife and I were climbing on rather high rock that unknown to us had enough room for people to walk underneath us. All of a sudden we heard the voice of our female friend tease my wife "oooo pink underwear...colors only mean that you want someone to see them." I am just glad that my guy friend was not with her.
If she was wearing her Shalwar that would have never been a issue and there would be no embarrassment and she would have been ready to do anything, even bungee jumping if she wished.
Like I said before I believe that women can wear what they want. You may not want to wear burkas, nijabs, hijabs or Shalwar (also known as punjabi), but I wouldn't mind if my wife wore any of them.
Do you think there is a need for women to dress more modestly today? Do any of my reasons make sense to you?
True 
Lifetime
Comments (39)
Ugh. Appreciate? This post has gotten too much attention already, and caused more problems than it was worth. Can we all as a collective group just drop the recent obsession with burkas?
Burqa.
So...speaking as a man, would you wear a burka?
I get pretty lustful when men with nice rear ends wear the right pants... Does that mean men should start wearing baggy dresses down to their ankles?
I hate to sound ignorant, but I don't see how a man's lust is a woman's fault. I love to wear skirts and dresses and tank tops and shorts. nothing I wear is especially revealing, but I suppose if I had a very attractive body, I could inspire lust in some men. Some of those Shalwar outfits are pretty sexy in my opinion. They're not baggy or anything. I see how a man could still think lustful thoughts looking at a woman in a Shalwar outfit. I don't know. I think it's silly to spend so much time thinking about clothing. Buy what flatters your body type in the way you want it to, then throw it on when you feel like wearing it.
i think that's very cute that you called your wife your "jewel" and i think you and your wife have something special.
i understand that this is a cultural dress, which i believe is appropriate.
and props for following yeshua. : ]
First I would like to say women should be free to wear whatever they want...1.) When I posted only my eyes as my profile picture I got a lot of mostly sexy type comments and attention from guys. I thought I was being discreet but it had the opposite effect. I had the same problem with only posting a picture of my hand. I want to be known for my writing not for how sexy my eyes or hands are. My point is that what men can't see they will invent in their wonderfully creative imaginations. That's why the best strippers very seldom remove all their clothes. They know that seldom can a womans real body compete with a mans imagination of it. I don't think Burkas will reduce a mans tendancy to lust for women. The countries that traditionally have the highest number of hidden women seem to me to also have the highest populations so someone is lusting for something.................................................. 2.) It sounds like both you and your wife are happy with the decision and that is fine with me........................ 3.) I find it a bit unnerving talking to someone when I can't see their face because for me facial expressions are an important part of communicating with people. I don't avoid women who cover their faces but it is harder for me to be relaxed in conversation........ 4.) It never takes me long to dress for outings but I am not a true fashionista................ 5.) I agree that your wife should wear what she likes.............. as to the question about the need for more modesty..... I don't know..... I think it's a matter of perception and has a lot to do with how you are raised. In tribes that have nudity as a normal part of life from birth the men do not seem to be overly stimulated by it and a man can't really hide his reactions when he is nude.... In areas where women cover most or all of their bodies men seem to be much more easily stimulated. I have a group of buddies male and female that I hike with, some of them are nudists. The men who are raised that way simply don't have a problem with even complete nudity.... and like I said it's sort of impossible for guys to hide their feelings about things like that when they are naked. If you believe the bible Gods ideal state was for men and women to be naked and without shame.... so I guess I will have to ponder that question some more.... but I do agree that women should wear what they choose to wear.
this again? really?
There's a bit of hostility towards the concept of a burqa (especially in America and Europe), cos a lot of women and men see the burqa as something oppressive against women.
And in most cases, it is.
In quite a few Muslim countries, women are veiled against their will because the government justifies it as a law that is to be followed. And then it spirals out of control, leading to not being able to go to public places without a blood-related male escort, and neither being seen nor heard.
However, the burqa is - believe it or not - often something that a woman chooses to wear. And it's not because she is oppressed by her family. It's because she feels that her faith asks her to do so, and she is more than willing to comply.
She wants to achieve some sort of status as a religiously devout woman in the afterlife, and wearing a burqa is a worthwhile price to pay. It's not what her husband or father tells her, but what her book of faith states.
I think that's what bothers me the most about this entire issue. Yes, I can hardly blame someone for seeing the burqa as an excuse to repress women and to label them as lustful creatures that need to be locked away.
But to some women, the burqa is a choice. And to say that they are loony or whackjobs or brainwashed by their husbands and fathers- that's insulting on far too many levels.
@jupiter312@xanga - cant agree with you more.
why is it that women are blamed for men's lust?
Okay, we've answered that question. Now we can ask men whether they care if their wives wear revealing clothing in public.
I agree that some women need to dress more modestly if they don't want negative attention, but some men also need to grow up. I've been hit on while wearing a wool coat in the winter time, so I don't think I'm the one at fault in this case.
i dont understand how you can blame the love of your life for beautifying herself to please you. if you take someone out, you want others to envy you because your partner is beautiful in the sophisticated and mature sense.
there is nothing wrong with a women who grooms herself for her pleasure and her man. if you want her to wear whatever she wants to or feels comfortable with, why do you prefer her in one particular type of clothing?
i'm not saying women should wear little and reveal as there are some disgusting cases, but that does not mean a woman cannot look good in a respectable manner.
men.. selfish.. obsessive..
women are not your possessions.ÂNow imagine yourself living in a country where all the politicians and people who run the military are women and men must stay home and wear these silly costumes and cover themselves. In a country where religion often is used to justify abuse and even killing of men and it has been that way for centuries. Now imagine your wife saying she wouldn't mind if you continued to practice this sociological/religious construct for the purpose of maintaining superiority and dominance over the males of the population...
Would you think the same?
You might as well put a leash on your wife and have her crawl on the ground behind you. I bet you wouldn't mind if she chose that either.
I think the whole middle eastern religion thing is just a worse version of the christian thing and it's all a psychiatric thing.
Grow up.
...You just gave me somthin' to blog about.
I do not agree with approval of the burka now that I have done research
One thing I did not agree with was "and then you want to yell when men don't take you seriously in the work
place. How can men take you seriously when they cant see past you
cleavage... as I said men are lustful creatures."
Exactly men are lustful creatures I really do not think you worded that sentence right. Because you are implying we are at fault for men lusting over us (women)
There have been many times I have been totally covered up
Pants and a shirt ( no cleavage exposed.. though it's obvious I have a large chest) and have had rude comments made.. It is frustrating we can not just walk around without getting starred and whistled at
Embracing your naked body and others should be a beautiful time
God did not make our bodies to hide them... but ( As I'm sure you know) when Adam+Eve sinned they were trying to cover themselves up because they were now 'naked'
And if we are in a physical form in heaven do you think we would be naked? I guess one thing that comes to mind is all of the pictures I see of Angels.. the are almost always naked
and when we get to heaven we will be free from sin and not be ashamed of beautiful bodies that God blessed us with and maybe we will go back to the way of thinking of Adam+Eve before they sinned
I was not TOO sure.. but did your wife wear 'regular' clothes before? And what if she decided to dress that way from now on how would you feel?
Your kidding right.. Why is this posted again? So everyone can repeat themselves?
You can't even spell Burqa right.
GUESS WHAT. NO ONE CARES WHAT YOUR WIFE WEARS OR WHY SHE WEARS IT.
@Shock_Every0ne@xanga - Agreed! Just because a burqa covers everything doesn't mean a man isn't going to lust after you. Infact, he'd probably be more curious as to whats under there!
No matter what, men will always be pigs and think "lustful" thoughts, so that is just extra work for nothing.
@brittbritt__x@xanga - Oops I didn't spelll it right either! *Burqa
@Shock_Every0ne@xanga - Haha don't even sweat it, its not like you wrote a blog about them and spelt it wrong hahah.
I made a big opinionated post about and and hope I didn't offend anyone but I don't see how you could be offended, making people wear sheets is just so stupid.
Spelled phonetically in English "Burka" is acceptable.
*yawn* must be a slow week in xangaland if we are back to this again.
How could I have missed this the first time?
Any woman who submits to wearing a Burka / Burqua
SHOULD JUST BE CHAINED TO THE BED!!!!
this really pisses me off.... why are people so stupid and shallow?
Women are not objects so we should cover them like objects?
No Burkas or any other form of symbolic repression are for people who don't see themselves as human. Yep God made us to cover up and never enjoy the sun and rain on our skin? I think not.