Friday, 02 January 2009
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Sometimes I'm Jealous of White People
Jealous isn't the right word, but I am jealous of white people's hair. I have to fry mine to get it to look like that! Other than the texture, I like my hair because it turns blonde in the summer because the ends get really gold.
I'm actually only half black, but it bugs me when people call me black than when they call me white. In reality, I'm Mulatto.
I hate to admit (even though it's hard) that I try to make myself more "white." I dress really preppy. In middle school, I would only buy clothes from A&F, Hollister, or American Eagle. That was just a phase though; all of their clothes look the same, so I've moved on to more mature stores.Apparently I talk really girly, like Paris Hilton. I can promise you... I DON'T try to sound like that and I have zero voice control. I can't sing and I can't whisper. But to me, that is better than sounding like I'm straight out of the hood.
The worst thing I've ever done was change my eye color. I have 20/20 vision, but I've wasted a good $100 on green non-prescription contacts just because I think they're prettier than my natural color. I guess some black people, like Tyra Banks and Rihanna, have naturally green eyes, but that's not common. Have you noticed how most "black" celebrities have a very light complexion and light eyes?
There are racists out there, too. My best friend's Grandma is the worst racist I've ever met. This lady is so sweet to my face, but behind my back she tells my friend Courtney stuff that even makes her cringe.
"How can anyone make something so hideous? Marrying outside of your race is the most disgusting thing you can do!"
How can she not grow out of that attitude and move on? Maybe you can't teach an old dog new tricks. However, America has come such a long way, so I give everyone credit for bridging the gap and making it acceptable to be of color.
My school isn't racist, but its definitely stereotypical, so I get frustrated when people say, "You are so ghetto!" because I am not on the inside and in my opinion, I don't even look ghetto on the outside.
Yet, the most annoying question has to be, "What are you?" I know what they mean, but I think it's the rudest thing to ask that. Does it really matter what I am? It shouldn't change the way you think about me, so just drop it. Usually I answer by saying I'm half black and half white, even though most white people will ignore that and call me black, and most black people will ignore it and call me white-washed. Sometimes I really just can't stand it and I tell them I'm Asian just to keep them wondering.
Do you ever envy features or characteristics of other ethnicities? How much do questions of ethnicity come into play in your everyday interactions?
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- From: AnchorsAwayx@xanga
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Comments (399)
I know white people that spend just as much effort and money changing their appearance. This society is bad about promoting twiggy sized beautys and blonde bombshells but the important beauty is inside
um, i don't know about now, but when i was in high school, everybody called everybody ghetto. it's called lack of vocabulary. :)
i hope someday you can appreciate who you are. if that is a real picture of you, seriously, you are gorgeous. I have always thought half white/half black people are really beautiful. There is no shame in being either, or in your case, both. I know this is not the opinion of everyone, and racism is real and painful.
But I think perhaps, people who feel discriminated for whatever reason tend to look for it and notice it even when it is not really present. I hope to encourage you to give people the benefit of the doubt sometimes, many of them probably mean no harm and have no idea of your insecurities in this area.
the next time someone asks you "what are you?", surprise them by asking them why it is so important for them to know . i'm sure most people have good intentions and are just curious, but there are ways of asking politely. usually, when i ask people why they want to know, they immediately realize they were being a little rude and rephrase their questioning, apologize or drop it.
I am black and I have never envied the features of other races. I think that green/blue eyes are nice but I have never desired it for myself because I wasn't born with those eye colors. Other than that I embrace my dark brown eyes and curly hair.
And why on earth do you get upset when people call you black and not when people call you white? You're only half white, right?No offense, but you have some issues to deal with.
You seem to be wrestling with your racial identity which is understandable especially given the fact that you are biracial. But, believe me, there is NOTHING MORE POWERFUL than being okay with yourself. You are part black, part white. You hair may be this way, your eyes may be this color, your skin may be this color, there are people who hate you for it, whatever.
Americans are usually obsessed with race, so you just you're just going to have to deal with it.
I hope that when you grow older, you'll understand what I am saying.
Wow, maybe I'm biased, but I've always thought mixed people were GORGEOUS. Two of my best friends are mulatto. One is a mix of African American, Native American, and British decent, and the other is half Scotch-Irish, half Black Cuban. They're both beautiful.
My grandfather was Magyar Gypsy, and looked very Mongolian, but I have blonde hair and blue eyes, so I get told I look completely Scandinavian all the time, and it drives me absolutely mad. Even though I get really dark in the summer, everyone considers me white. I always think that if I had dark hair and brown eyes, people would realize I'm Eurasian.
Oh, well. Guess the grass is greener or some other cliche.
I think mixed people are gorrrgeous.
Just embrace it...
The grass is always greener on the other side, isn't it?
Although I love blonde and want to be blonde , I still satisfied of my appearance , dark hair , dark eyes , short .That's me!! I should be appreciate what I look like coz I think there's someone else is "jealous" me at the same time.
When I was younger I struggled with my biracial identity as well. I'm half black (Caribbean) & half white (Dutch)...but I was less focused on the colour and more on the nationalities of my parents.
Now that I'm older I don't really care. I still get those "What are you?" questions but I actually enjoy answering them because I am proud of what/who I am. Most people aren't asking to be mean, I find that they are just curious.
I used to wish I had blue eyes but the only eye colour that fits best with me is the one I was born with. I do straighten my hair but I also wear my hair curly.
I think maybe if you spend more time on highlighting the qualities you where born with and less on what you wish you had, your longing for other features will disappear.
Racism does suck, but the only thing you can do is just ignore it. There is always someone out there who hates others.
@toivleeg@xanga - agreed!
Well I'm half and half so I'm a little biased... but I love it, I think mixed kids are adorable. I get asked all the time what I am, but it doesn't bother me...
I'm half asian, half caucasian. My dad has straight blond hair, green eyes, and easily burnt skin. My mom has straight black hair, dark eyes, and dark skin. I have naturally curly brown hair, dark brown eyes, and skin that gets white in the winter but tans quite easily in the sun.
Often I get called anything from hispanic (this is most common, i think it's the curly hair?), to hawaiian, to native alaskan, to Jordanian(?). I really don't mind, I don't see why it matters.
Just be what you are. You don't have to "pick sides"....
I am also half-black/half-white, and I know where you are coming from. Most people think I'm Mexican or Native American, but no one has had the audacity to ask me, "What are you?" That was not even right.
I always wanted blue eyes because I thought it would look neat with my olive skin and dark hair. But now I'm fairly happy with what I have, and I don't wish for those things anymore.
It will get better. Just love yourself for you. Don't worry about what other people think. In time, it will get easier.
what is mulatto? New word for me
@oOBuBBLes711Oo@xanga - mulatto is a term used to describe people who are half-black and half-white. Now, people use the term 'biracial' It is isn't that widely used anymore because it has a negative connotation. Slavemasters used to use that term.
It's so sad that people like your friend's grandma are still going by that way of thinking. There will always be people like that, I guess.
Personally, I think you're lucky. Mixed people are absolutely gorgeous, and you get to grow up knowing two cultures.
i agree with several of the commenters before me - i believe mixed people are beautiful! next time people ask you "what are you?", smile and say you're a girl :) it'll throw them off and maybe embarass them a little for asking such a rude question.
OK, first I'm going to have to say something about the usage of the word mulatto.
You see, biracial would be the word of choice in this situation as mulatto has an annoyingly negative meaning, derived from the word mule to describe people who are half black/half white in a previous era when it was far more looked down upon.
I don't know about you, but I don't want to be compared to a mule.
But about your post. I myself am multiracial and I completely understand where you are coming from. I used to envy my friends who didn't have to straighten out their hair and who had pretty pale skin and light eyes. I bleached my hair and bought hazel contacts to try and look a little more...I don't even know, It's not like I could have passed for white or anything. I shunned hip hop, r&b, rap, and soul because I thought people would call me ghetto. I got an education not entirely for the sake of being educated, but to further distance myself from being stereotypical.
However, it took one hell of a semester of misery at my majority white high school, summer school in the ghetto, and the rest of the summer of loneliness to find my real self. I learned to love my curly hair and love the texture and softness when it isn't straightened out. I loved the freckles on my skin and my gorgeous caramel complexion. I found that my large, almost black eyes are deep, innocent, and curious. I became accustomed to and eventually came to adore my small breasts and serious rear end, my small waist and my larger hips, my tummy, my butt, my thighs, my calves, everything. I spent hours in the mirror poking myself and discovering all of the wonderful things it has and can do.
The only advice I can give you darling to to try to learn to love yourself the way you were born to be. You are beautiful, but you have to know it.
I'm half white, half asian; and I haven't got any major beef from people about it. As far as looks go, most people immediately assume that I'm white. Then you get the few who pick up on the fact that there's something else in my blood, and it actually annoys me when they eventually find out that the other half of me is Sri Lankan.
I'd rather retain my vague exotic mystique, thanks.
Then again, I've yet to come across anyone else of the same mixed race as me, lmao. People don't expect a white/asian mix, as I've learned. They'd rather assume I'm Italian before they find out the truth. And then they look a little disappointed. Hah.
It's not all that glamorous of a mix, when you think about it.
I don't have a lot of racial issues. I hate it when people are racist though. I am white but am adopted and part of my family is mexican. My school also has people of many races and even a few exchange students. One of my friends moved here from Africa a few years ago and a couple of my friends are asian. J hates it when people ask if she is chinese and always tells people she is from Kaziakhstan (which she is) and they get embarrassed.
@Purple_Harlequin@xanga - One of my friends is half white half Japanese. When I first met her I could tell she looked a little different but didn't think anything of it. She is really pretty and I have never met anyone else who is white and asian.
I'm white. Very pale skin tone, green eyes, slightly wavy-ish hair that you might as well call straight.
My sisters, (half-sisters, but there's no distinction to me) are biracial, and they are absolutely beautiful. I've envied their little curls ever since they've had hair, and their skin tone. I can't tan, even when I spend my summers working outside.
Just goes to say, no matter what you have, and no matter what you look like, you'll always... 'envy' traits you don't have. One day, my sisters'll come up to me and ask me why we're different. And I'm not sure what I'll answer - I won't start talking about melanin to little kids, but I'll make sure I tell them they're absolutely beautiful, and I'll mean it.
Your friends grandma is stuck in the old times when interracial relationships were shamed upon, or whatever word comes to mind (since I can't think of any other words) but you can't blame her for that, since she was raised that way in her youthful days. Although it's quite mean how she's nice to you in your face then talks bad about you to your friend, that's messed up.
You should be proud of your ethnic background,
for one Alicia Keys is also half white/black :D
@girl_lost_in_the_dark@xanga - Shame I'm not that type of asian then, lol. Half orientals are beautiful.
nah, i like being black...i hope you can come to terms with both of your cultures because they're not going away. you're pretty lucky, most women want to look like you, whether you realize it or not. people who put you down because of your race are just jerks and are more than likely jealous of you and you should just ignore their ignorance (i know it's easier said than done).
my personal peeve with this post (not necessarily the author) is the whole stereotypical "ghetto" thing. just because people choose to use correct grammar and pronunciation doesn't make them "white" or "sound white" for that matter. personally, i think paris hilton is a ditz, so i would never strive to sound like her or use her as an example of anything positive.
i think people play into stereotypes too much. people should be less concerned with races and more concerned with who you are as a person. next time someone asks you what you are, try asking them the same thing regardless of what color their skin is. we all have heritages, and perhaps they are just trying to learn more about you. also, a lot of "white" people are envious of caramel and darker skinned people. Perhaps they think that you are pretty and are curious as to how you got that way? I wouldn't stress about it though.
@oOBuBBLes711Oo@xanga - mixed.
@ajforward007@revelife - aww thanks :) your so sweet. I never think about my race until someone brings it up. I am comfortable with myself, but I'm not comfortable with how some other people see me.