Thursday, 25 December 2008
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My Parents Say I'm Ugly
This post was submitted by a Lovelyish reader
"Did you get enough sleep? You look so ugly today."
"You need to start exercising more; you look fat!"
I grew up in a not so typical Asian family where grades didn't really matter and I could pretty much stay out as long as I wanted. The typical thing that my parents did do was being outright mean when it came to criticizing my appearance. If I had skin problems, regardless of how insignificant, my mother would definitely be the one to point it out. I had been told that I looked 'fat' too many times in my life by her even though I am 5 ft tall and 104 lbs. For a while this definitely warped my perception of my own appearance and I know a lot of beautiful girls that don't even want to look people in the eye because they have been told that they were ugly by their own parents.
Despite how beautiful someone may be, if they're told that they are unattractive by those who are supposed to be closest to them, I really believe that they will start believing those words. Maybe those parents are the ones that are insecure themselves and want to pass it on to their own children. Maybe they had been beauty queens/kings and think that their children should be exactly like them. Whatever the reason is, I know I definitely will not become like my parents or any of the ones I know who bring their own sons/daughters down.
Are your parents critical of you, whether it is in the area of appearance or other things? How did this affect you?
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Comments (302)
I went fucking ballistic. Asian girl right here. They always say I'm fat..or not good enough. Pissed me off that's why I'm so rebellious haha I would say more..bu ti'm on vacation..maybe next time
I am quite clear-skinned, 5'3 100lbs, and tanned but my mom criticizes my weight, face, skin all the time. I get annoyed but I usually shrug it off. Sometimes I am amused and tell her I am beautiful and stick out my tongue. But I think when she criticizes me, it is only out of love. She would like me to look better and always cooks really healthy food and points out which type of food would be better for my health or looks.
I've learned to ignore my parents over the years. I don't give a shit if they don't like how I look or what I wear... because 99.9% of the time, everyone else loves how I look or what I'm wearing when my parents disapprove.
It's pretty depressing, but yes, my parents do the exact same thing. About my grades, about my appearence, about my friends, about everyfrickenthing about me. Honestly, their comments are way more hurtful than say, the bitchy girl from school calling you fat or the teacher you hate telling you your work is a disgrace, etcetc (which have all happened to me). I guess it's just from someone who's more... important and who knows you best, that's where it hurts the most >__< But I've learned to shrug it off and constantly tell myself the opposite.
I'm Asian too and can heavily relate to this post, esp. about appearance, education, jobs, and etc.
I have a ridiculously good complexion, but on the rare occasion some unexpected visitor pops up on my face, my mom goes nuts and will buy me a bunch of products because she's embarassed for me.
good grief.
also, there's the fun occasion where my mother looks at me and says "i think you're butt is bigger than it was a few days ago. you should go run or something"
charming.
I come from an Asian family and my parents do the same thing to me. I just ignore what they have to say when they nit pick at my appearance because sometimes they're just being ridiculous.
My mother has always done nothing but tell me about everything she sees wrong with me, no matter what it is. I'm 21 years old and she still does it.
I have absolutely no self-esteem because of it.
To Asian parents' defense, I really don't think they are trying to hurt your feelings... but it's just their way of showing concern? At least your parents do care about and look at you, hoping you look the best and be the best that you can. Probably it's not the most effective and caring way of showing it, but be grateful of your parents...
I try to ignore it. And hide behind my eye makeup, which is really (in its application), quite an effective mood-lifter. :P
My parents criticize my grades, my jobs, my appearance, my personality, everything really. As a result, I've never managed to be truly happy with myself knowing that I'm such a disappointment to my parents.
Wow, are all Asian parents like that? That is messed up and cruel. Makes me glad I am white.
It seems like everyone's parents are like that! How depressing!
My mother likes to come up to me, stick her finger out and wave it at my nose and say, "Do you know you have a REALLY, REALLY big zit on your nose? And right on the tip, too. Its HUGE."
Oh, yeah, good job Mom, I didn't notice it. Thanks for pointing it out. That just makes me feel so beautiful.
LOL is it in the asian blood or something? My parents say I'm fat all the time(heck even my siblings does it) and okay fine, I'm a little overweight. My dad says I have a horrible voice and I shouldn't sing. I've loved singing since I was 10 and my friends say I have a pretty good voice! So I don't really understand it why they are like that.
Also, when my friends and I wanted to audition for this singing competition, their parents straight out told them blatantly that they never would make it as singers because their singing sucks which is really ridiculous because both of them have great voices! But because of their comments they got really discouraged and one of them decided not to audition and I for fear of getting the same "recognition" as my friends decided not to tell my parents and just drop out altogether....
If only...
my mom was a tad bit criticizing. but i ignored it all.
I was a chubby little kid. My parents would point it out a lot and comment on it. Long story short, I had an eating disorder(s) for years.
My mother was the type of girl who could never gain weight. She ate twinkies and power shakes and anything else she could get her hands on to gain weight. But, never did a single pound appear. She was made fun of  her size. For me, the genes didn't bless me. I gained my fathers big figure and his easy weight gain. I curse the heavens for my weight. I'm not a big fans of sweets and when I hardly eat anything I gain weight. The only key to keeping my weight off is being active, something I don't do too often.Â
Now, my mother is a sweet lady. She cares about my self esteem and health. She just dosen't have the delicate way of pointing out I need to lose weight or my acne(Thanks again to my father's genes.) is getting worst. This has affected me in a negative way, yes. But, my relationship with my mother is not too bad, since I know she meant and means well. Just she tends to do the opposite of trying to encourage me to be fit.Â
@HoneyBeePrincess@xanga - I severely doubt that's the case. Its just that the girls who's case it fits are showing their empathy to the poster.
To the OP, I don't know whether to say I've been criticized or strongly critiqued. Either way, my mom brings up my skin alot (because she works in skincare), and she used to bring up my hips and butt (until I decided to lose weight).
Your parents words--or just words in general, STRONGLY affect the way you see yourself.
YES. so freakin critical. i've learned to ignore it by now though
damn yo, my mom is the same way, she always bitches to me about my skin and such. im always told im weak, espesially comming from a very athletic family. my brothers always teased me and my whole family is very sarcastic with other things as well,i dont think they mean it tho cuz im the same way, telling my sisters they are fat when i dont mean it most of the time, but it tottally rubs off on me and i hate it, ive started to think that my11 year old sister is fat and hating my 8 year old sister because im soo jealous of how skinny she is. families screw thinking processes up too much.
I went crazy. I had a grudge against them for a while. I couldn't stop thinking of the mean words they said.Â
if the people closest to you think you're ugly, then you're probably ugly for real. they don't need to lie to you, they're stuck with you, they're your blood LOL
my parents critize me about... pretty much everything. mostly how short i am.. the way i look.. and the boys i date. they pick at me about it til i fall apart. its so dumb.
My mom definitely does that. As a teenager I had really low self esteem as a result, and these days I still feel that nothing I do will ever be good enough. Even when I follow her suggestions and make changes, she nitpicks, turns around and says I should've continued doing it the way I had been. Usually I just make faces at her and try to ignore her comments (I don't need my mother to point out every time I've gained weight, I wasn't blessed with her weight genes). Worse case scenario I vent a little to my boyfriend and things are ok. I guess the permanent effect is 1.) I never think I'm skinny enough, even when I've lost so much weight that my mom's telling me to eat, and 2.) It's hard to believe when guys find me attractive. Ah, well. I try not to dwell on the matter.
holy shit. lots of mean parents out there :|
i am a very rebellious kid,
so i probably bring it all on myself.
i just laugh at it though :)
i think after my blue hair, and after my mom found my pipe,
they began to get the point that i do not conform to rules very well :)
but, my parents are quite understanding.
i think some people need to start sticking up for themselves,
even if they are your parents.
they dont have the right to make you feel insuperior.
:)