One Lovely writes:
My boyfriend and i have been together for over a year. When we first started dating, he lived with a female and I didn’t really mind. Things didn’t really work out so he moved out. Then he ended up getting a place with a friend and that never really worked out for him, then he ended up moving in with another female six months into the relationship even though I told him I wasn’t really too comfortable with it. The problem now is I’m not too fond of his new roommate. She is constantly looking at me funny, always bringing girls around him, and pretty much putting him in certain predicaments. I want him to move out but he is way too comfortable now. How do I get him or her to move out?
Okay, I’m going to be pretty blunt here: you can’t get him or her to move out. Besides looking like a complete psycho, if he’s happy living there with her, he will continue to live there. You made your feelings known before he moved in with her and based on the information you’ve given me, that didn’t make a difference. I suggest that you take a step back, ask yourself these questions and put your relationship in perspective:
1. Why does your boyfriend seem to only live with female roommates?
Are these just random roommates that he has found on a community board in a coffee shop or did he know these women before he moved in with them? Why do you think he prefers living with females? You also mentioned that a few living situations “didn’t work out,” what do you mean by that? Did the living situations not work out because something happened between them, or was it something like a rent discrepancy?
2. How do you think he would react if the roles were reversed?
If you had a male roommate that acted strangely towards him and always put you in predicaments, how would he react? Would he try and convince you to move out or would it even bother him at all? If you think that he wouldn’t like it, you need to have a talk about the state of your relationship. I always consider my partner’s feelings in every major decision that I make… if I think my actions would hurt my partner’s feelings or make him feel insignificant, I would either talk to him about it first or I simply wouldn’t do it.
3. Even if your boyfriend or his roommate did move out, do you think he’d just find another female roommate?
Your boyfriend seems to prefer living with women, so if she did move out, it’s likely that he would just find a similar situation that will leave you feeling just as uncomfortable and jealous. This living situation may seem like the main problem here, but it’s really not. It’s the lack of consideration that he seems to be displaying towards you. Trust me, even if this situation is resolved, based on the information you’ve supplied, this is part of a bigger problem.
4. Have you made an effort to at least be civil with her?
If the situation made you uncomfortable from the beginning and you didn’t know this girl, it’s possible that you two may have just had poor first impressions of each other. Have you at least made an effort to be nice to her? It could be possible that if you don’t speak to her, she assumes that you hate her, or vice versa.
Honestly, based on the information that you’ve supplied, this whole situation sounds pretty shady to me. His decisions seem to put you in a pretty crappy position because it forces you to either deal with it or leave. That’s a pretty selfish way to act towards your partner. And feeling jealous and wondering what your boyfriend is up to while he’s at home can feel like a full-time job, and even worse, it makes you look like a psycho. While it seems easy to get mad at her, remember that she does not have any kind of relationship with you. She doesn’t have to be mindful of your feelings and respect your relationship: That’s HIS job. And it sure doesn’t sound like he’s fulfilling his duties.
I say talk to him about it and if he doesn’t at least make an effort to see where you’re coming from, you’re better off without him. Being inconsiderate is a major deal breaker.
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