I don’t do dieting any longer, in any form. Of course I believe in regulation and moderation — which is much easier and less stressful than any form of dieting (for me, at least) — but they are easier said than done. And when you realize that you’re starting to strand your ship on the rocks of Eating Disorder Bay, it’s really important to get help before you get stuck.
I have a passive-aggressive history with food, but it’s primarily aggressive. When I lose weight, I lose 25-30 pounds; when I gain weight, I gain 25-30 pounds, if not more. I stand at around 5’7″ and at any given time, my weight can be anywhere from 118 to 155. I’ve never stayed at a consistent weight for longer than 10 months. This is because I’ve had a lot of weight issues, body image issues and eating problems that have led to yo-yo patterns with my size and an ever-expanding (out of necessity, not just desire) wardrobe.
Long story short: For close to a decade, I had an eating disorder. It damaged my body in several ways, many of which are permanent, and it altered the way I think about food, weight, relationships and my own image. It wasn’t planned or plotted out; in fact, for most of those years, I was truly positive I was in control. I’d have moments of clarity where I’d realize I was destroying myself and losing weight wasn’t worth it, but those were few and far between. Now, though, I’ve worked for a long time on making my brain keep track of my thoughts so I can avoid relapsing once again. This has led me to be a lot more aware of warning signs in myself and with other people.
But it’s not. And even if you cannot help but believe that your value is based on appearance — I still have trouble not placing value on my own, I admit — it’s significant to recognize that many of the side effects of over-dieting and eating disorders can cause health problems that affect your appearance in addition to your insides. Here are a few questions to ask yourself:
- Are you a perfectionist when it comes to your appearance?
- Do you get angry with yourself when you “slip up” and eat something unhealthy?
- Do you classify all foods in categories of either good or bad?
- Would your day get worse if you weigh more today than yesterday?
- Do you think your life would get better if you lost weight?
- Have you ever thrown up, used laxatives, exercised excessively or otherwise purged when you’ve eaten unhealthily?
- Do you feel guilty when you eat?
- Do your eating habits make you tired, depressed or weak?
If you answered “yes” to any of those, just reflect for a few minutes on why.
I know this article won’t help everyone who reads it and I know that eating disorders aren’t well within most people’s control (that’s why they’re called “disorders”), but if any of this rings true with you and you feel like you might want to explore more on this topic with somebody who just knows about it, feel free to let me know. If you want recommendations of places to go for professional help, I can find those out for you, too! Sometimes we all need a little bit, or a lot, of real assistance with our problems, and that’s okay and often necessary to recover.
Only 1 out of 10 people with eating disorders receives treatment despite it being the 3rd most common chronic illness among adolescents. But if you start realizing you might need help, I can tell you that it’s often easier to change your ways the faster you recognize that they’re harmful. Either way, the most important thing is to talk about it. Even if it’s just to yourself (if you’re like me and fairly crazy, this won’t be too abnormal), getting your feelings out there is incredibly important to recovery. I write about eating disorders and body image quite a bit because I think about those topics all the time, and pretending I don’t would be like lying about what’s important to me.
No matter what makeup you wear or hair style you do or clothes you put on, it’s so important to treat your body right. Looking good will never be worth feeling terrible, I promise. When I was 16 or 17 and in a bit of a relapse, I made this for myself and stuck it on my wall to remind myself each day that it could get better, that I was worth it and that what I saw wasn’t a representative of my value as a person. So now, here it is for you all (because it’s true!)
Lovelies, do you have anything to discuss regarding eating issues, disorders or body image? Share it with us!
guest
I think it is really sad what us women have to deal with in life, all the pressure to look a certain way. What we should really be doing is finding the right mix of diet (and I don’t mean crazy restrictive diets and wacky lemonade cleanses) and exercise to help us become healthy, fit and strong. We are all different, I really have no idea as to why some people think we should all be the same size 2, with DD breasts, tiny waists, etc. We may not all be Barbie but that does not discount our value as a person. While I am a long way from my health and fitness goals, I have made peace with my body that I will never be a size 2, and I am totally okay with that.
guest
thanks, I needed this.
cherry blossom / 44 posts
There’s a huge difference between an eating disorder and disordered eating. Eating disorders are not just a result of dieting – its a mental illness.
guest
i always thought it was ironic that a pretty girl always holds up the “you’re beautiful” sign and the beautiful celebrity chick makes some sobby speech about how we’re all unique and beautiful in our own special ways.
just thought it was always ironic. it’s never the ugly chick that says you’re beautiful or the average girl that holds that speech, always the pretty ones.
xoxo K
guest
@sonnigenmai@xanga - I agree 100%.
I also don’t think eating disorders are just about being skinny or trying to be pretty. At least they never were for me considering I’ve never been fat in my life. The utmost importance in my life was being thin because no one could take that away from me. It was about feeling powerful and in control. I prided myself on the fact that I could function (and better than some people) while forcing myself to not eat, not drink, and exercise for hours. Eating disorders are a delusional way of thinking. It doesn’t happen from taking a diet “too far’ or feeling insecure because you don’t measure up to a standard of beauty.
guest
First, thanks for sharing a bit about your experiance and perspective.
You raise a good point about distinguising between the feelings/thoughts that fuel your choices. At the end of the day we should be mindful of what is fueling our thoughts, feelings, actions, etc. Otherwize, we very quickly can slip on the slope and star streering in directions we never expected, such as you mentioned.
But to say certain symptoms makes for maybe having an eating disorder is not accurate. A disorder in itself is something that interferes with daily life functioning, or negatively affecting relationships,etc. A collection of symoptoms such as the above you mentioned DOES NOT mean eating disorder, rather, it may bring light into some of the insecurities or other issues that are surrounding the individual. It’s not a causal relationship. (Not to say you’re implying that it is, this is just a side note to readers)
It’s always dangerous to self diagnose and to assume a disorder because of certain traits. The underlying reasons for those traits is what matters (e.g. depression causes changes in eating. If someone is severely depressed, they may starve themselves for control, to feel better, etc—this isn’t caused by ED in itself. It may be a comorbiditiy, or it may be symptomatic of depression). Frankly, a professional opinion should be used.
sunflower / 300 posts
@sonnigenmai@xanga - @Erika_Steele@xanga - @animechrisy@xanga - I totally get what you folks are saying, believe me. But this was meant to be along the lines of the “Do you have a problem with drinking?” questions to ask yourself. Of
course
there are underlying layers underneath eating disorders, but you don’t typically hear people say PRIOR to treatment, “Hey, I’m utilizing food as a means to control my powerless nature over what happened to me as a child!” (which is why I did it). It’s significantly easier to recognize basic surface symptoms than admitting to underlying causes if you’re not even yet aware that there are underlying causes.
Also, yes, there is a difference between disordered eating and eating disorders. Similar to alcoholism, though, there are certain steps that begin a dependency on a behavior. I didn’t throw up 9-15 times a day my first go around; it was progressive. It started with guilt, shifted to self-punishment.
Also, animecrisy, I do say that finding professional treatment was something I could assist in, not that I could offer professional treatment.
sunflower / 300 posts
@babybug329@xanga - I had to make peace a while back with the fact that my frame will neeever be a size 2. I gained a bunch of weight over the past year (which I’m trying to lose a little bit of healthily so I don’t have to buy even more clothes haha), but I know no matter how much weight I lose, a 2 is not where I can be. And I don’t really want to be anymore, because it would be disproportionate to me. I also have no idea why, in a country and world that so frequently celebrates diversity in our media, body diversity is still a thing yet to become prevalent.
@habitsdiehard@xanga - I’m glad and thank you for reading.
@KiraThinMe@xanga - Haha, why is that ironic?
And thanks for the compliment! I don’t tend to find myself pretty usually (not the excessive use of photoshop in 16-year-old me’s picture), so I appreciate it.
guest
@samescobar - because pretty girls can say that and people will follow them. if an ugly girl says that she gets hate comments from complete strangers about how ugly she is and how she wouldn’t be a good role model and blahblahblah. its always a pretty girl, if i had confidence maybe id hold up a sign like that and take a bullet for all us ugly girls, but see we can’t do that.
its ironic.
sunflower / 300 posts
@KiraThinMe@xanga - Also ironic: when I first put up that photo on myspace or whatever journaling website I was using at the time, I got plenty of “I hope you’re not looking in a mirror when you say that” comments. The Internet is an unfriendly place; people will find reasons to be mean to you no matter what.
guest
@samescobar - Ok, I see. I totally get it. Those are definitely some signs that you may have a problem.
I guess I was atypical. When my eating disorder became a problem (I was always obsessive about being thin), I remember doing it because I thought it would get the guy who sexually assualted me to leave me alone (It only pissed him off and I thought it was because I wasn’t trying hard enough).
orchid / 123 posts
Girl… Me too.
I suffer from Binge Eating Disorder, a.k.a. compulsive overeating. I’m 5’5.25″, and I range from 133-141ish at any given time. I’m in recovery (though not so much now that I’ve been moving), and I’m learning more and more about what healthy, intuitive eating means. Hooray for not dieting! And more than that, HOORAY FOR RECOVERY!!
guest
People say you have an eating disorder when there are underlying issues…but I think the same issues can “underlie” when a person starts a diet (unless they really start it to get healthier, which looking at HOW people do it, almost no one seems to do) and sticks to it.
Maybe not so strongly that they hurt themselves. I’m pretty much recovered from an eatng disorder (I guess), but I know I want to be thinner and prettier and I know I wear certain clothes & make up to impress people, to distract from my flaws, and to meet their expectations. In short “to be safe” and to “control them” in a certain way and to symbolize that I am in control of my life. If I didn’t care, I’d happily slouch around in sweatpants and crocs all the time.
The difference now is that I am just not ready to take the consequences of starving and throwing up upon me for that. I found better ways of asserting myself and dealing with pain, so I don’t need it as much.
I’m not saying people who want to lose weight need treatment, but I just think the lines between “dieting” , disordered eating and eating disorders are no way black and white.
People can also have milder and more severe eating disorders, which also depends on their other cpoing mechanisms and the strength of their ‘issue’.
On another note..it’s an unpopular opinion to spread but I found a lot of help online. I can’t imagine finding anything as helpful with a therapist. I am not one to say “get along with your shit” ….it’s just I don’t rely as much on a professional degree. My professionals weren’t helpful, and even if there WAS the small chance that I find a person I like, this person can be limited in what they are allowed to do with me bc insurance only pays for certain forms of therapy (and I can’t pay out of pocket).
sunflower / 300 posts
@under_the_carpet@xanga - I totally agree about finding a lot of help online. First of all, you are so right – professionals are SO expensive. Secondly, you have to try like 10 to find one that likes you (they tend to be surprisingly bad at disguising their disdain). But online, it’s so easy to quickly browse through groups and disregard them if they don’t have what you’re looking for. I think that’s one of the best things about the web: you can almost always find what you need in terms of a relateable community.
Also, oddly enough, my eating habits got even more unhealthy when I was under intensive physician and psych care.
Anyway, I’m so glad you sound like you’re doing much better. Congratulations.
xo
guest
This is a really important post. Thank you for writing it.
guest
I really appreciate you sharing your story, opinion and you’re wonderful photo. I’ve recently started losing weight to be healthier but it reached a bad point after the first 4 months. I am 5’10 and have lost a little over 100 lbs now. I still have 30 more to go, but in my mind, I still look the way I did 9 months when I started this. I started out normal with increasing exercise and eating healthier with portion control, and all was good. By June, I was only eating 600 calories a day at most and working out for 3 hours a day. Needless to say, I saw the results on the scale, but that soon lead to dizzy spells and exhaustion on top of getting very angry with myself if I even ate close to 1000 calories. It wasn’t until my best friend made me eat 2 ‘sluty brownies’ (yes, she actually demanded that I eat them with her) and I found myself throwing it back up once I got home, that I knew I had a problem. I thought I was just being dedicated and strict, but I was actually being unhealthy and result oriented. Since then I have been working on not being so hard on myself and getting at least 1000 calories a day. I am still seeing the lose in weight, albeit much slower, but I have been feeling better and the dizziness has stopped. I had to be honest with myself that I had a problem, and am still working on rebuilding a healthy relationship with food to find a balance that works for me.
guest
@animechrisy@xanga - why is your entire reply in bold?…
guest
@samescobar - aw thank you !!!
guest
My Son has an eating disorder and it really scares me. I started seeing clues when he was in highschool. He got real sick with a Virus the doctors couldn’t figure out. It wasn’t the flu and they were worried it was Leukemia. So he went through a lot of tests at the emergency room. His regular doctor was less interested though and the testing stopped. We finally got him well enough to go back to school but something about him changed.
He stopped eating meat. He used the excuse “Animals are my friends and I don’t eat my friends.” He put stickers “meat is murder” on things. I figured he was just making a stand. But then I saw him go to the bathroom after he ate and I could have swore he was throwing up. (I respected his no meat stand and made him vegetarian dinners) so it wasn’t the meat problem. He denied throwing up. But he was losing weight. My questionings and concerned looks might have prompted him to hide his problem better. Because I thought he was better.
Now he is starting his 7th year in the Air Force and his wife told me she is worried about him because he drinks a lot with his friends and throws up. I had a sinking feeling..I asked, does he eat well? She said no. When he drinks he doesn’t eat at all. I asked about his eating habits when he doesn’t drink and it turns out he eats less than a two year old and he will often cook meals for others and not eat..he will act like he ate while he was cooking.
I confronted my son over the phone and he admitted he has a problem. He said he does not get hungry. He said he eats just to live. This is so heart breaking.
Reading some of your stories gives me hope that he might try harder to fix this. he is so many miles away from home and it’s all up to him.
guest
Eating disorders are about taking ‘control’ of something in your grasp. In the end it controls you.
guest
i think we all go thru a phase, healthy & unhealthy and its an on going battle because as much as we may want to maintain a healthy eating habit, our real life doesnt make it easy. planning out meals, counting calories, protein, working out, life, family, friends and yourself all jumbled up into one.
i havent ever been as far as taking laxatives or purging but i been thru excessive workouts and not eating to just really enjoying food and being conscious of how much i eat.
foods pretty incredible =] i just have to keep in shape by working out or dancing for an hour unwatched in my living room for an hour, both make me feel great =]