Dating someone comes with a lot of perks; those butterflies that suddenly appear in your stomach every time you see that person, your heart beating in your ears whenever your phone lights up with a text message from them. But, it can also come with nerve racking stress. All of the supposed “rules” that you must follow while dating someone so as not to seem desperate or too interested are being followed, but at what cost?
Here are a few outdated dating rules that should be thrown out the window.
Rule #1: Marriage should be your ultimate goal
These days marriages are beginning and ending in less time than it takes so settle the divorce. Just because you date someone does not mean you have to eventually marry them. Part of the fun of being with someone is learning what you want and don’t want in a partner. Make sure that when you marry, it is for the right reasons.
Rule #2: You shouldn’t live together before you are married
Many people still live by this rule and even swear by it, but the truth is, we are not in the 1960′s anymore. Times and relationships have changed and that includes couples’ living situations. This is not to say that you should move in together after only 2 months of dating, but don’t feel guilty for feeling ready to make that step.
Rule #3: The guy should always call first
There is absolutely no reason why a girl should not be able to call a guy first. Women have been working for decades to be men’s equals, but when it comes to romance, women suddenly become scared puppies. Take charge and make the first move! You will feel a good sense of control and your guy will respect you for taking the lead.
Rule #4: You can’t hop in the sack until X number of dates
As long as the both of you feel 100% comfortable with each other, there is no need to stress yourself out with waiting until you’ve been on a certain number of dates to be with them. Always practice safe sex and remember that it is a natural, healthy part of life.
Rule #5: You must be together all the time when dating someone
Have your own life and personality outside of the time with your significant other. Don’t let go of your girl’s nights or daily yoga sessions to be with your mate instead. Eventually, you will lose your identity and possibly resent your guy for it. Keep time in moderation and enjoy your time together as well as apart.
What other dating rules do you feel are completely outdated?
guest
I don’t think there should be any rules that everyone expects to be met, and that people can be “called out on” (e.g.: “you are an inherently bad guy if you don’t do the whole chivalry thing” or “you’re a slut if you have sex a the first date”) but everyone is free to make their own rules.
For example, I don’t see the point in being together at all, when you think it falls apart anyway and wouldn’t marry. I just don’t like this ‘life-phase-partnership’ thing… and perhaps I am just through my trying out phase. I think it’s nicer if both work on it and it fits really well, and you give security to each other. I don’t look for anything else but this profound type of relationship. I also find it sort of icky if someone wants sex very soon. It’s not that I think they shouldn’t have it that way, just not with me. I find it pretty demanding and invasive. Unfornutely that comes across like a prude rule and whoever would get ditched bc of this would make fun of me “just sticking to a rule”.
I guess what I’m saying is, just because a rule is outdated, doesn’t mean a new rule should take it’s place, and people who wait with sex are prude, women who are in fact shy are entitled bitches, people who cling together “do it wrong” etc.
guest
I feel like #3 doesn’t belong. If you want me to get in the kitchen and make you a sandwich then You better be able to call first.
guest
I kind of agree with @Thatslifekid@xanga. It depends on the situation though, because there are very few moments when I’ll ask a guy for their number (and all of those usually involve the words “oh! we should hang out some time!”). I’ve never asked a guy for his number romantically, and probably never will. If someone needs to call someone for a first date, it best be him. On the other hand, if we have had at least one date, all pressure is off (in my mind, at least) and I will call him whenever I deem necessary. He need not make any more first moves.
sunflower / 413 posts
I think the guy should call first. Like it or not, in most cases, if a girl calls first she gets called stalker/clingy. And my mantra as far as living together is, until you have a ring, don’t wash a thing (laundry)
guest
I didn’t follow 4 out of 5 rules and guess what? I’m getting married in 5 weeks. Definitely outdated. Good luck to everyone!
Rule #1: Marriage should be your ultimate goal
This is the only rule I followed.
Rule #2: You shouldn’t live together before you are married
We moved in after a year and a half. Got proposed to 6 months later.
Rule #3: The guy should always call first
I called him out first.
Rule #4: You can’t hop in the sack until X number of dates
Didn’t follow this at all.
Rule #5: You must be together all the time when dating someone
We were long-distance from the get go for 9 months until we realized this relationship was worth the move.
guest
Outdated society in America.
guest
I’m not sure Rule #5 ever existed?? Where did that one come from? Jr high?
hydrangea / 64 posts
@sarahsmurfette@xanga - I think #5 refers more to going out to do anything social. If you are meeting with friends, it is customary for the boyfriend to accompany the girlfriend, but not necessarily the other way around. The way it is worded though does sound very “Junior High,” so I definitely agree with you there.
I am strong believer in marriage, so I still hold on to #1. I am dating to find someone that I could spend the rest of my life with. Marriage, I think, shows that both people are on board with the idea and preferring to be together but not marry shows flakiness in my opinion. But, I do understand that times change, so I try not to judge anyone on that, especially because you never really know the situation at home.
As far as the other rules, I agree, definitely outdated. There is no “be-all, end-all” formula for relationship success. If it works for the both of you, do it, fuck what other people say or think.
guest
I, personally, feel 1-4 should still be followed. For #1 I’m not even going to bother dating someone if I don’t see them as a future spouse. You don’t have to serial date to know what you do and do not want. As for #3, yes, I’ve asked for guy’s numbers before but I think they should call first. The guy calling first in a way says, “you’re worth it.”
And I agree that I don’t think #5 has ever been a rule.
guest
I kind of like the third one. I’m shy towards relationships and am very happy single so if he is really that interested, he should show some initiative and tell me why I should give up my single status.
guest
#6. The man always pays. Uh, no. Women can work and make money now. Pay for your own goddamn shit and I’ll pay for mine.
guest
I think you made up these rules
1. Marriage is my own personal end goal… don’t want to waste my time, energy, and love on someone if I’m just going to be ditched for someone else. But I’m not settling either. (Same thing with friends – I don’t generally waste my time, energy, and love on my friends who I don’t see as a part of my life in the future)
2. Lived together and have been living together from the first week of dating until two years later…
3. If a guy asks for your number and says he will call, then shouldn’t you wait for him to call first? If a girl asks a guy for his number, then she should call… I think the person initiating the interest should call first.
4. Was partying in the sack with my now boyfriend before we even started or considered dating…
5. This isn’t a rule with my boyfriend and I, but it’s usually what we like since we’re homebodies, but we also do enjoy our alone time.
sunflower / 405 posts
Idk, there are a lot of divorces now and really bad break-ups, i kinda think breaking the first 4 rules caused that.