Like it or not, it’s almost impossible to turn on the television and NOT hear about the upcoming election. My twitter feed has been bombarded with political tweets about the RNC/DNC conventions, pictures of chairs, and even my favorite local sports radio station can’t seem to talk about anything else. And hey, look at me, I’m writing about it right now! So, as you probably know, people tend to get downright nasty over politics. I’ve seen many a holiday season turned sour because of political “debates” turned sour. We probably all have at least one friend that doesn’t agree with us on some kind of political level, right? But what if your significant other was on the opposite end of the spectrum?
I mean, if the person is polite, respectful, and you have a great time together, does it really matter?
To be honest, probably not for most people. But it’s a deal breaker for me. I used to think that it didn’t matter, until I dated someone that was my political opposite for almost a year and a half. At first it was something that didn’t we really talk about; we were getting to know each other, and it just casually came up. I suppose that it didn’t help that we met during an election year either. I was a bit surprised that he was so conservative about economic issues, mainly because he couldn’t even keep a positive balance in his bank account… but I figured that I was just being judgmental. I shrugged it off, after all, we had just started dating. And to be honest, I was relieved that he had an opinion about something. So many people I know just don’t seem to care at all. It wasn’t until a holiday dinner (gosh, isn’t it ALWAYS a holiday dinner), when the political discussions started, specifically about women’s rights and gay rights. I was pretty shocked, to say the least. The whole time he was talking about how women should stop complaining because they can get any job they want now, how he doesn’t believe birth control is right, and that if a woman wants to have an abortion, she shouldn’t be allowed to do it without her partner’s permission. He also didn’t think that gay people should even be allowed to have civil unions or list their partners as their “in case of emergency” at the hospital. I mean, we would hang out with one of my friends and his boyfriend all the time. Did he really think that my friend shouldn’t be allowed to see his boyfriend if he is in the hospital? Yeah I was pretty shocked. Here we are, in a serious relationship, actually starting to talk about marriage, and I’m hearing about all of the things he doesn’t believe I should be able to do, buy or take without his permission. And how he thinks my friend should be treated differently because of who he loves.
If you agree with any of these things, I’m not saying that I think you’re a horrible person. And I’m also not saying that every conservative person shares these beliefs. I want to make that EXTREMELY clear. But does that mean I want to date you? To be completely honest… hell no. And it’s not because he was conservative… it was the fact that he was so insensitive about subjects that affect myself and the people that I care about. The relationship eventually fell apart. While his political leanings did play a small part in that, I just never really felt that he valued or respected me. After seeing him get so angry and heated about how he felt about women, I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. Obviously his feelings about women stemmed from something deeply rooted in him. I doubt it was simply his political views. After all, your political leanings don’t determine how healthy your relationships will be. Honestly, who knows what his problem was.
And in case you’re wondering, I’ve been in a happy relationship for a little over two years now. We don’t see eye-to-eye on everything, but we agree on the issues that are the most important to us (and affect us the most). I still can’t convince him that the Beatles beat the Stones, but I guess I can’t have it all.
So Lovelies, have any of you dated or are dating someone who is your political opposite? Would you ever date someone on the opposite end of the spectrum? How would/do you deal with it? Do you think it’s an issue?
dahlia / 2382 posts
It would only work if both people are openminded & willing to discuss & move on without being petty. The fact that politics now is name calling & the blame game makes me not want to talk about it at all. I wont back down from my beliefs but there’s no point in talking to someone who’s an extremist on their side. They will “always be right” & make the conversation go sour. I have conservative & moderate friends & during election years we can act civil. The only time politics came between myself & a friend was in 2004. I cant remember what we fought about but a few months later I was really missing her & I came online to send her an email & she IMed me asking if we could talk & I said sure & she ended up apologizing & saying it was stupid & let’s forget about it. That’s what I was going to email her about. lol
As for dating, if the other person wasnt willing to atleast heard the other side of the argument & discuss things civilly, it would never work. My husband has no interest in politics & I think that’s worse because nonvoters are the ones who contribute to elections the most & dont know it. They’re also the first to complain. lol
guest
I honestly don’t think so, especially if the two people are firm and stick to their beliefs. I won’t change what I think for anyone and that was caused the break up between my ex and me. He was super conservative and I’m liberal in my beliefs. He was a little bothered if I showed cleavage or the fact that I wanted a small tattoo on my ankle. It was obvious he looked down on my use of birth control and only used condoms after I really insisted. It was also obvious he wasn’t comfortable with the fact that my sister is confused with her sexuality. I tried being open minded to his beliefs but he wasn’t with mine.
orchid / 105 posts
@newportbreeze@xanga - He didn’t want you to use birth control AND he didn’t want to wear condoms?
guest
Every serious relationship I’ve been in has either been with someone I saw completely eye to eye on politics with or with someone who only cared marginally for politics but what few views they had were compatible with mine. The weird thing is that I didn’t ask about politics before we started dating, it was justs that way.
guest
Mmmm just in general if the person doesn’t have similar views on say abortion or things like that that can affect me/ us in a realtionship in the future that we will argue on…then we won’t work. I don’t care about political titles.
guest
I am SUPER liberal and really opinionated in my beliefs. And I’m going to be honest – yes, I do take other peoples’ opinions personally depending on what they are, and I couldn’t imagine myself being with someone who was completely the opposite way in their beliefs. There are some things other people believe that I will just not tolerate. Yeah, you can be for the death penalty, that’s fine. We’ll get past that. Against the legalization of marijuana? Whatever. But if you are against two innocent people being in love and having the liberty to marry, I’m sorry, I don’t really want anything to do with you, especially because that’s the one subject that I am the most passionate about. And if you are a woman-hater, then of course I’m not going to be okay with that either because that affects me personally and it’s like you hate ME and you don’t want ME to have rights and reach my highest potential. It’s like “Um… I’m right here!” Same goes with not wanting me on any form of birth control nor being okay with abortion, seeing as how I don’t ever want to have children. That’s never been my plan. So if you’re against birth control, yet you’re also against abortion.. I’m sorry, but you’re going to have to choose one over the other (preferably the birth control) because while having sex with me might not have any impact on you, it will on me and that’s just plain selfish of you to tell me that I can’t have some control over my body or be properly protected during sex.
So the short answer is NO, probably not. Haha. I know it shouldn’t matter as long as you love that person – let bygones be bygones – but there are some things that I need for the other person to have in common with me in a relationship or it won’t work. Nah, most likely I’ll end up marrying a liberal like myself… and I am perfectly fine with that
guest
i would never date a guy who was conservative.
guest
It really depends. Political wise? No. I cannot date someone who is a Republican (no offence). Religious wise? That is a bit different. I really dont care what people believe in. But when it comes to issues with gays, and birth control/womens rights, ect, I couldn’t date someone who is against that. I do know some people who are religious and have no problem with gay people or anything, that’s when I would.
I guess when I was younger I was attracted to the opposite. I dated idiots, lol
guest
I would never date someone who was a conservative. It sounds close-minded, but I couldn’t date someone whose morals and beliefs were fundamentally different to my own. I would need to be with someone who was atheist, and who had the same fundamental beliefs as I did (very socially liberal) because otherwise we would fight, and I would not want to start a family with someone who had beliefs I didn’t want forced upon my children.
sunflower / 310 posts
I think that I would struggle to date someone at the opposite end of the spectrum. I’m pretty liberal, especially on social issues – pro-choice, pro-gay marriage, pro-birth control, equality – and I think I would struggle to date someone who was against me on these key topics, especially because 3/4 of those could one day apply to me, and because I struggle to comprehend the bigotry and lack of compassion behind those who are on the opposite end of the spectrum in social politics. I wouldn’t be comfortable dating a guy who thought that women don’t deserve birth control or certain rights in terms of pregnancy and abortions, or that gay people shouldn’t have the same rights as straight, because that’s contradictory to my morals and my values, and I think that those things are an important foundation for a relationship that would be long-term. In order to be true to myself, the things that I believe in and the things that I value, I have to say that I would find it truly difficult to date someone of the opposite beliefs – unless we never talked about it, or were extremely open-minded.
guest
I don’t know. I could date a liberal or a conservative because I’m libertarian (so I agree on most conservative economic issues, but most liberal social issues).
I guess I couldn’t date a bureaucrat Lol
guest
I’d like to ask though…since when does the conservative platform involve being against birth control? Or are we talking about the right to FREE birth control? That’s a little different than being “against birth control”…more of a Catholic thing.
guest
I always knew it mattered to me. That, and a generally likeable personality.
I think political ideas often say a lot about a person’s general views on life, and other people. Not always, but often it goes hand in hand. .
I think it’s the ideals that should be the same. For example, I can handle the idea that (at least certain) businesses should be taxed less to make a country attractive to them, as long the idea is somehow meant to beneficial for the population, and even when it means certain people will get insanely rich. But I get furious when someone says “well they worked HARD for their money and DESERVE a private jet, and people who oppose this are just lazy moochers who don’t deserve medical care (and THAT’s why I vote republican)”.
As for religion…I’d like to say “it doesn’t matter” but that’s not true. I can ‘tolerate’ someone belonging to a community, but being exremely religious wouldn’t fit in with me, no matter what the religion is.
orchid / 105 posts
@Manic_Butterflies@xanga - he was totally against birth control… which isn’t part of any party’s platform, but he was uber-conservative and pretty much insane. i think even the thought of free birth control (or even cheaper birth control) would have made his head explode