Well friends, this is easily the best thing I’ve heard all day. In fact, it’s late in the day, so I can pretty much confirm that nothing is going to top this unless my dinner gets up and does a jig. You see, Martha Stewart knows… everything, okay? (She does. She went to jail for it. They were like “You know too much!” Just kidding, it’s been a long day.) Anyway, as evidence for her knowing everything and topping even herself, I present to you “My New Kittens,” a blog entry wherein Martha proudly states that she bites the faces of all her new kittens to let them know who’s boss to let them know she’s their mommy! 

 

First of all: They’re squishy-face kittens. I’m sure they have an official name but everyone knows they’re squishy-faced kittens. Second of all, Grace Coddington? That’s where I get my cats, too. Who’s not tight with the creative director of Vogue, after all? And third, here’s the coup de grace, the picture you all wanted, the picture that made my day: 


I’m sure this is a *thing*, like that it is proven or something. But I can’t! I can’t. Because see, okay, I work from home. And Martha’s show is on at lunch time, so I will often turn it on for a minute to see what she’s cooking up. The thing about Martha is she’s like, simultaneously the least and most self-aware person ever. She has the cavalier ease of The Barefoot Contessa when she’s crafting, but she will cut off a guest mid-sentence. She point blank told Nanette Lepore her clothes were overpriced. I’d like to see her go toe-to-toe with Anna Wintour, just for giggles, which doesn’t seem too far-fetched since she runs with the Vogue crowd. The vogue-ies, if you will. But the bottom line is, it doesn’t matter if this is a real thing, because at this point, Martha can make the rules up as she goes.

I can see it now: Housewives all over the world will be picking whiskers out of their teeth over this.

Anyway, special thanks (and all real credit) to Whitney Jefferson of Buzzfeed for unearthing this gold nugget, because when it comes to finding things like this, you know, it takes a village. You can read her take on the whole thing over yonder.

So like, Martha Stewart, right?