In the last couple of weeks I have been completely obsessed with the TLC show My Big Fat American Gypsy Wedding.
The show covers the lavish weddings and other celebrations of American Gypsies, who are ethnically Romanichal, a subset of Romani. The TLC show is a spinoff of the British, My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding.
The lavish parties and dresses themselves make the show seriously addictive. However, added to this is the extreme shock of a culture so different from my own.
The Romanichal culture depicted in the show is bizarre: the show focuses on young girls and guys that look like they stepped right out of Jersey Shore: scantily clad girls with fake tans, boys with blown out and spiked hair. Yet, their culture is extremely conservative: girls marry young and do not kiss their husband until their wedding ceremony, and if a girl is considered to be “unclean,” she is no longer desirable for marriage.
The society also has extreme gender roles: men work, women stay at home and clean. In an episode I watched earlier this week: Sondra Celli, the Boston-based designer who makes all the dresses featured on the show, makes a frank aside about the wedding of a 17-year-old: “Today was [the bride's] big dream wedding. Tomorrow will become Gypsy reality. She’ll go home to clean and cook and take care of her husband, and raising Gypsy babies.”
Of course, there’s already been some backlash against the show. One writer, Oksana Marafioti, an American Gypsy herself, writes:
“Being a Romani isn’t a way of life or a cult. We aren’t Gypsy by choice or calling. No one can decide to become a Gypsy one day. We are a race of close to 10 million, with a culture that spans centuries and across continents. It is one thing to present a willing group of people in a negative light, but quite another to represent an entire race of people as a niche stereotype.”
Although reality television practically makes its business out of niche stereotypes, reading Marafioti’s article made me feel guilty for liking the show. I know I’ll keep watching, but be sure to keep in mind that not all Gypsy people are the way they show portrays them. Just everyone in New Jersey isn’t like the cast of Jersey Shore.
At first glance, maybe I am so addicted to the show because their lifestyle is so different from my own. On the other hand, a lot of girls, deep down inside, want to dress up in a pink Barbie gown covered in crystals. Maybe we’re not so different after all.
guest
I watch this and their previous Gypsy Wedding show. I love watching it, it’s just so different from what
I’m used to so it fascinates me. Plus the people are always outrageous. It’s my addiction too lol.
guest
I watched that show one time out of curiosity. And what struck me was how the women were saying how their dads owned them and then when they got married, their husband would own them. I was appalled and completely fascinated.
guest
I watch it
guest
i watched it and in a weird sense i love their dresses its so extravagant in an outrageous way :S
ranunculus / 3285 posts
Out of curiosity, I saw the premiere. It was oddly fascinating.
guest
I watch the British version, because I adore it hahaha
rose / 786 posts
Why are the household roles so extreme? Because it’s not the norm anymore. It used to be the norm that the wives stayed home and cleaned and cooked and took care of the husband while he worked, and it was frowned upon if a married woman even thought about working outside of the home. Nowadays, it’s okay either way. I personally could never work and take care of a house and kids. I’ll probably work when my boyfriend and I first get married and don’t have kids, but after I have kids I am staying at home. It’s going to be my job.
Sorry. Ranting……
It does look interesting. It was being advertised when I watch Say Yes To The Dress. That’s my addiction. haha
guest
I love it too.
There is politically correct American college-educated side of me, but another side just wants to say “screw this” and be a freakin gypsy.
orchid / 123 posts
I watch it, for the same reason my boyfriend and I watch “Hoarders” and “16 And Pregnant”: These peoples’ live are different from ours, and it’s sociologically interesting.
rose / 980 posts
@xhalesx@revelife - The problem isn’t that the women choose to stay home, the problem is that the women have no choice but to stay home. They get married before age 18, there’s not much choice in the matter at all. Other than that, not a problem to stay at home with kids.
rose / 980 posts
I watch both versions. I find it fascinating and outrageous and a bit sad. I am amazed that the boys start working at a young age, like one boy in England was doing manual labor at 7. Also, the gender roles aren’t so bad except that they don’t seem to have any choice in the matter.
rose / 786 posts
@TiredSoVeryTired@xanga - Yea. That does make sense, but it’s not always the case. Some couples that do get married young don’t get pregnant right away, because they want to get their degree first. It doesn’t happen that often, but those young determined couples are still out there.
orchid / 119 posts
Well, first off – it’s really not an addiction… but i’m not going on that tangent.
Also, I feel like a huge stupid head. Until I watched this show I didn’t even realize that gypsies were still around, and I think part of me thought they were an old wives tale… but surprise!
I really just love this show. I love TLC in general to be completely honest. There’s a bit of made for TLC-TV drama in there that makes me face palm, but over all I just enjoy watching it. The one dad throwing a coming out party for his 14 year old daughter was ridiculous. Just perfect for TLC, though.
I understand this is their culture and they all mostly seem to enjoy the life, but there’s just a big part of me that’s obviously having a problem with the male vs female stereotypes. My biggest peeve was them talking about how they never even mention sex to their daughters and just leave them to figure it out on their wedding night. I think it’d be terrifying figuring out sex the hard way! Hahah. There was even one girl who was 16 or something and getting married and was terrified for her husband to even kiss her at their wedding.
rose / 980 posts
@xhalesx@revelife - In the gypsy culture, they usually drop out of school around age 12 and are married by 18. The men work, the women stay home and take care of the home and children. There is no choice in the matter, that is what they must do. In the English version, some of them finish high school. But that is a rare choice.
It’s not the rare couple determined to marry young, it’s the whole culture.
rose / 980 posts
@thatkyliegirlx@xanga - The guys are allowed to experiment on non-gypsy girls, but the gypsy girls must remain “pure”, “untouched”, and “unkissed”. I abhor that double standard, but still enjoy the show. lol
guest
I don’t watch it because it’s hugely exploitative. It’s basically, “let’s mock other people’s realities for our own entertainment”.
These women are abused. They’re not educated beyond age 12, they’re often subject to domestic violence, once they’re married, they’re the “property” of their husband (having previously been the “property” of their father), they’re NOT ALLOWED a job outside of the home (regardless of whether they want one), violence in their culture is totally acceptable, as is scrounging off state benefits.
I’m British and we have a lot of gypsies living near us at the moment, it’s awful – they can barely read and write, they struggle with basic maths, so obviously they can’t get a job, and if the women ever divorce their husbands, they’re stuck raising their children on the taxpayers money because they don’t have the education/means necessary to get a job. Rant over, lol.
guest
i just watched it & its interesting the similiarity in manycultures.. i just dont like that the daughter is like a piece of meat, shown off to get savaged. extreme bit ?