Time passes sometimes without us even realizing it. So many of us who lived through the ’90s can’t believe it’s been long enough for it to be “coming back” already. Crop-tops, chokers, and pastel hair — some returning styles are surprising and others not as much. I mean, did crazy-colored nail polish or Nirvana t-shirts ever really leave? Either way, I want to go on record with a few styles I hope I never see again. After all, we’ve learned our lesson, right? Here are 5 cringe-worthy ’90s styles I hope never come back.
Those mini-butterfly hair clips. AKA the obsession of everyone in middle school in the late ’90s. Wow they were bad. Remember the ones with springs under their wings that… trembled when you moved your head? *shudders*
Mock turtlenecks. In their unflattering polyester glory, I never want to see this sweater-meets-t-shirt hybrid ever, ever again.
The “Rachel” haircut. Yes, it was epic in its day, but anyone who attempted this cut found that it was a style only possible under the perfect circumstances of both being Jennifer Aniston, and having a team of professionals to make it look perfect every day. Most of us ended up looking like Carol Brady.
Super-thin eyebrows. I think as a generation we figured out that, if you can’t see your eyebrows in a photograph, they’re probably too thin. Also, people can tell if you shave them off and draw them on. RIP bad pencil-thin eyebrows. See ya never.
Body glitter. I don’t know if it was a trickling-down from the club kids or something that Claire’s decided was going to be a smash hit, but the stuff was usually scented like bubblegum, and could be found everywhere from the mall to Canal street. It accessorized well with iridescent appliques or glow-sticks, and it made the wearer look “fun” or “etherial” …or high. It ran close in hand with white eyeliner and frosty lip gloss. It could be argued that the only person who could actually pull off these things was Björk.
There are, on the other hand, way more things I hope do come back. For instance, can we please have knee socks and patent leather heels again, like in Clueless? Can Third Eye Blind And Coolio make a co-lab album? Bowl cuts! More bowl cuts. Meh, actually, these things are better off where we left them. While crop-tops and metallic nail polish are fighting their way into the present, at least we can rest easy knowing that pleather has already seen its best days. Thanks for the memories.