Lovelyish

People on Facebook thought I died once I was disrespectful to my mother. I don’t think families should be sharing private family  matters like this on any social website, it’s no one’s business but their own. It’s clever but unnecessary.

Humiliating your kids in order to make them behave is not a good idea in my book. It’s not going to fix an real problems and your kid is just going to resent you.

It’s a little passive-aggressive for my tastes, but if it worked for her than that’s great.

This reminds me a bit of the dad who saw his daughter’s video about him and then made his own video where he took a shotgun to his daughter’s laptop. Parents these days are getting pretty wild/creative. I don’t think public humiliation is a good way to go. It’s no one else’s business and it may cause resentment/grudges from the child.

/shrug, I don’t see anything wrong with this.  My mom did something similar with me (I was caught drinking at 14, so she had me go to my friends and tell them why I was not allowed to see them outside of school for a month as well as write a letter of apology for my irresponsible actions to the parents of the house where I’d been drinking).  I do not resent or have a bad relationship with my mother and it kept me out of trouble all throughout high school because I learned that there were consequences for my actions.

@britnirm - Please. Give me a break. Kids these days have not respect for their parents whatsoever. Sometimes the only way to get through to them is to embarass them in front of their friends. Maybe it will serve as a lesson to kids. I guess you’re gonna be one of those parents that let their kids get away with stuff.

@britnirm - I agree. It’s so stupid, why can’t some parents just talk to their damn kids about it instead of wasting time.

Why do parents stoop to juvenile ways to “punish” their kids? This will give them ammo to tease them with & shows the parent isnt mature. If social networking was around when I was her age, my shit would probably be shut down or blocked on my computer. I’m NOT defending this girl because it’s wrong to be disrespectful to your parents but this time of punishment is wrong. 

This is stupid. Parents should be able to discipline their kids without having to humiliate them on Facebook. My parents, heaven forbid, just talked to me, explained what I’d done wrong and I got an appropriate punishment. Clearly that’s too “old-fashioned” for some people these days, though.

@Love_never_fails - There’s a big difference in publicly humiliating your children and failing to punish them properly. I would never try to teach my kids a lesson by humiliating them, but I wouldn’t let them get away with just anything either. If your kid has no respect for you, that’s an ongoing problem, not something that will be fixed by showing that you’re just as immature as they are.

why is this classified under “BEAUTY”?

Honestly I think the disrespect has more to do with the mother than the child. Growing up I knew not to talk back to my mother, or there would be dire consequences. Even when I was a teenager and “feeling myself” as my mom liked to put it, I knew better than to disrespect her like that. My mom and I have a great relationship. I can talk to her about anything but even at 22 I know she’s still my mother and there will always be things I cannot and should not say to her.

I hate now.

“It’s no one’s business?” Ok if you have a facebook where you actively post photos, details of your daily life…you obviously want your life to be the business of people on your facebook. I for one, am for public humiliation. My mom did it once and I do not resent her for it. I totally deserved it and it worked like a charm. My mom knew what she was doing, like a boss.

@MissAshley - I don’t believe the mother was disrespected by her daughter via social media but in person so taking to Facebook to punish the daughter, I feel, is unnecessary. Having the daughter tell everyone why she’s being punished when others ask is one thing, but the mother is pretty much provoking other people to get involved. All that aside, not every child is going to be as understanding as you and I just feel that there are better ways to have gone about this.

@Rebekka Holman@facebook -  Maybe the mother has punished her daughter in other ways for her attitude and it didn’t work. Sometimes you have to do something drastic to get through to kids.  Taking a cell phone or computer away are only temporary solutions and the kid knows that and will push their luck until they lose stuff again.  And its no ones business to say how a parent raises/punishes their kids.  It’s not like she publicly assaulted her child. She messed with her Facebook. Get the fuck over it.

 nah, I don’t like it. I feel like it’s not the right way to react to hurt feelings and humilation by humilating the other person, especially not as a parent. I wouldn’t want to send the message: “whoever is more creative in their bullying wins, so just be creative when you want to put others down”.
Evidently the kid does seem insightful, so maybe they talked about the incident. maybe it made her understand how her mother felt a bit and understand that you don’t get far this way always, and maybe the mother has already tried talking to her before. On the other hand the mother might be an authoritative dragon who puts her kid down constantly and the daughter feels worse than she should have to. We don’t know all aspects of the story obvioulsy….I’m just saying it’s not something I’d write as advice into a parenting book.

@Love_never_fails - ”Get the fuck over it.”

Sounds like maybe your mother hasn’t done enough punishing to you judging my how rude you are.

The mother was embarrassed in front of her friends, so she embarrassed her daughter in front of her friends. The two are pretty much equivalent.
Oh, and a little note on punishment: yes, it can and does create more outbursts and aggression toward the person delivering the punishment. The important thing is not to always use a punitive way to control behavior, but enrich the environment with positive ways for the children to get what they want. I am not a parent, but I do not believe in “Laissez-faire” priveleges such as laptops, cell phones, etc. All of these things must be earned, and by doing that, punishment of removing the item will be more effective (and create less outbursts) than if the child is just given free access. Most typically developing children understand rule contingencies, but if there is no follow-through or consistent consequences for following/breaking the rules, they won’t learn how to behave appropriately.

@Love_never_fails - the original poster sounded like she was saying that yes the girl needed to be reprimanded but that it is a private matter that doesn’t really have any business on the internet. I wouldn’t insinuate that because she wants to keep things like that private that that suddenly means that she’s gonna be a parent with her children running around recklessly. I would handle my business with my child in a private way, there would still be consequences but I don’t need what she/he did, or what I did as her/his parents plastered over facebook.

@Love_never_fails - My mom never, ever let me get away with anything, but she also didn’t believe in publicly humiliating me. Whatever happened to not airing dirty laundry out in public?

This is just the new age punishment. It’s the same as if she had spoken harshly to Ava in FRONT of her friends. Facebook is just the new way of giving a stern talking to to your kid. I mean sure it’s embarrassing but so would it be if she had spoken to her kid in front of her friends. All she did was basically keep up with the times. I see nothing wrong with it. It’s better then hitting her after all. I don’t think it is going to make her a victim of bullying, chances are her friends will understand. After all, they were there when she was disrespectful to her mother. It also serves as a warning to Ava to not mouth off to her mother like that again. Sometimes the only way is to do something like that, sometimes kids refuse to listen, until they get a dose of the consequences in ACTION; not just words. Like I said, at least she didn’t hit her, she didn’t just do this “just because” it was the consequence of her actions.

@xiaosnowtenshi@xanga - that additude is one of the reasons there is such an epidemic of abuse in america

I’m assuming none of you agree with teachers doing or saying things to embarrass a child. One of the best teachers I ever had awesome ways of punishing kids in elementary school. If you acted badly, she’d have you stand with your arms extended out with a couple of text books on top. WTF do you think bootcamp does to men and women? Do you think they don’t get punished or humiliated for missteps or disrespect? I’m just saying that it’s stupid to think that what this mother did was out of line or horrible, because children need to be kept in line and guided. And yes, sometimes that means “hurting their feelings” or embarassing them.

@Love_never_fails - How is putting a picture up on facebook saying she is grounded and not allowed to use her phone or facebook not a temporary solution? Unplugging them is a much better tactic than public humiliation.

a little too much i think..

@Love_never_fails - @Rebekka Holman@facebook - FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT

Glad it didn’t happen to me but this shit is funny.

Idk……….. if i were the kid I’d be pissed at my mom for calling me out… but then if i were bold enough to talk shit in front of my friends then my friends obviously know about my family problems so public punishment can’t be any worse than that.

i was thinking if i were a mom i would be very embarrassed to have the world know about my bad mouthed kid………… but hell, if she’s going to be disrespectful in public then i guess measures like these aren’t too out of line.
if the arguments were in private, then they should stay private.you get what i’m trying to say??? lol i went in circles -_-

@Love_never_fails - Really, though, anyone can have an opinion on someone else’s parenting methods. Personally, I think this woman proved herself to only be slightly more mature than her own daughter. My own mother never needed shit like that to discipline us. Hell, she had her own steely determination to raise us well, and I was never once publicly humiliated by her. I was, however, taught that me having a computer, cell phone, or even a bedroom door was not a right, it was a privilege under my parents’ roof. And I think any method of punishment is only effective if you follow through 100% of the time. My mom never bluffed, and as a consequence I learned not to push her. Ever.

Taking it to FB like this mother, did, though, just reminds me of stupid girls in high school doing crap like this on Myspace. I agree with @xiaosnowtenshi@xanga - When did it suddenly become acceptable to air one’s dirty laundry all over the damn internet? Fix your family shit in private, no need to make more drama online.

@Rebekka Holman@facebook - I was saying its not something that serious. If people are outraged over a mother choosing to punish her daughter in the way she chooses, then they seriously need some other things to worry about in their lives. Like I said, it’s not like she physically punished her daughter or anything like that. And if they daughter accepted her punishment, then seriously, get over it.

@LoveeeLikeASunset@xanga - Yes my mother did a terrible job raising me because I occasionally use curse words.

@Love_never_fails - Lol. It wasn’t the cussing that makes you rude, just your nasty attitude.

I’m kinda torn.  This reminds me of the laptop shooting incident.  My feelings are still the same: I don’t know if I like the idea of parents punishing their children by offending or humiliating them in the very same way the child offended them. Why? Because the parents are grown and should not feel the need to stoop to a child’s level.

I don’t find this particular Facebook incident too horrible, though, other than exploiting the situation which may or may not lead to a child being made fun of in the future, and that can lead to other messes.  The laptop shooting incident was more disagreeable to me, since that father seemed to be a jerk in his own way, and must have assumed that teenagers aren’t going to be teenagers.

And yet, on the other side of the spectrum, sometimes the most effective way to teach a child a lesson is to make them go through the exact same thing in a way they’d understand.  I dunno…if I were a kid now and my mom decided to publicly embarrass me to punish me, I’d likely resent her for it.  I’d rather just be spanked or popped in the mouth, because at least then my friends don’t have to know about it and I think I’d learn my lesson.   The times are changing, I guess…. 

Well she seemed to learn her lesson, so then it seems like no harm. I bet she’ll never talk back to her mother again.

All of you who are saying “OMG! I CAN’T BELIEVE A PARENT WOULD ACT SO IMMATURE!!!!!!!!!” has clearly never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, EVER dealt with a teenager. 

Immature? Please. I raised my two little sisters, and while they were (and still are) amazing kids, they were little fucking devils from 12 to 17. No lie; they should have had 6666666666666666666666666 tattoo’ed across their foreheads for this time period.

Example: My sister, R,  started to get into video games when she was about 15 or so, but she quickly ended up using ALL her free time to do this…which is easy to do because I also game, so I restricted her time on the computer. One day, however, she threw a major fit…and started to cry because she couldn’t play….after a minute though, she did the following:  1. Pushed me out of the way, 2. Walked into MY room…in my house, 3. Picked up my laptop out of my bag, opened it up, and 4. Started to play again. Eventually, I ended up disconnecting the router, which ended her fun. When I went back into the living room, she looked at me, yelled, and told me that she hated me and picked up the laptop acting like she was gonna throw it….which didn’t happen because I gave her my “OH HELL NAWWW” look. 

Did I say she couldn’t ever play the game again? NO. I said. “You’ve been playing for 2 hours. It’s time to do something else.” LOL. Know what she says now? “Thank you for doing that, Carrie. Now, I know how to regulate myself and my game time.” But then, she honest to God hated me. She didn’t talk to me for like 2 weeks except for what was considered (in her words) “absolutely necessary conversation.” ROFL

So, yeah. When teenagers are in the picture, you get CREATIVE. It’s totally necessary. 
Note: After all this, R was grounded from games for a month. She learned her lesson, though, and we never had the problem again. Hopefully, this girl will have learned her lesson as well.

the mum just looks so smug… its  just cruel if you ask me. to me, that’s the kind of thing that makes bad parents. public humiliation and lack of - mercy…? it can’t have been that bad. and besides, it’s a family issue, not for a news story or whatever

@Xbeautifully_broken_downX@xanga - yeah, but you didn’t put that on facebook did you? this woman made it all public

@Bayley - Nope. I didn’t have to with R or with that particular instance. Peer relationships are extremely important at this age, and mom was using that to make a point. 

The mother is, essentially, teaching her daughter about humiliation. If mom didn’t teach her, it would have been someone else and it probably would have been even more humiliating. Different kinds of kids call for different kinds of punishment. What works for one, won’t work for the other. 

That’s annoying. I don’t think she had to air their dirty laundry that way, and Ava’s statement is surely fake and released for press. She’s smart enough not to say what she really thought to the whole world.

And the passive-agressive statement Mom put on the picture? If you were going to do it at all, don’t be just as disrespectful towards your daughter with a statement like that. Grow up and TALK to her.