Lovelyish

It works for some, and for others it doesn’t. I personally wouldn’t live with someone before I was married, but I know couples who have lived together before getting married and they’re happy as ever. 

I know someone who has been living with a guy for 40 years.  They never got married, then again she never divorced her first husband.  So… it actually doesn’t really matter.  People get divorced because people probably aren’t monogamous naturally speaking.

I won’t marry until I live with the guy for at least a few weeks.  You can’t hide things for long while living with someone like you can when you’re dating.  Abusive guys (or girls) can and do hide it until the victim has been with them long enough to feel like they have fallen in love so why take a chance?  Plus they get to see your baddest sides and decide if they can live with it or not.  

In my opinion, I don’t think cohabitation is a great idea, for religious and non religious reasons. I do believe that obviously if you are cohabitation it means that you are also having sex. And I believe sex before marriage is immoral, a sin. The other reason is because of these studies that say that people who cohabitate before marriage are more likely to divorce if they do get married….

  I’ve been living with my boyfriend for over five years [and we've been together for almost six!] Sure, we’ve had our ups and downs, but I’d rather hash that all out NOW, before there’s a ring or joint assets or in-laws to deal with. I wouldn’t feel comfortable promising someone a future if I didn’t know what the present would be like!! I’m all for couples living together- it’s how you learn, and how you grow!!!

♥L
-SM

A meta-analysis published in 2010 suggested that cohabitation can negatively affect marriage quality. (LINK) 

Make of that what you will. 

I’ve heard about several studies that say couples living together before marriage are more likely to divorce. I’m not sure if I’d live with someone before marriage. But who knows what may happen.

Cohabitation leads to divorce, especially when a couple doesn’t know each other very well. Most people who cohabitate end up not being together after a year.

I really think it’s because you don’t truly know someone until you live with them.

It depends from person to person. I started living with my boyfriend when I was 16 yrs old and that went on till we were 22 and since have been taking a break which is working. It’s very difficult but I learned SO much from it. When we live together again the only thing I want to change is having us get out more together but also have healthy amounts of alone time as well. But I don’t regret a thing about it.

@QuantumStorm@xanga - @lovelybish@xanga - Interesting… however surely waiting until marriage will merely delay the moving in together thing? If it doesn’t work, it doesn’t work?

@Pink_TeaCups@xanga - Well in this case what the studies are showing is that if you cohabit, the chances of it ending in divorce are greater than what they would be if you waited. So waiting doesn’t necessarily guarantee you will have a successful marriage; but cohabiting seems to reduce whatever quality your marriage may have (so if it’s already potentially bad to begin with, cohabitation could make things worse). 

worked out fine for my husband and I. Lived together for two years before getting married.. still together and happy 

If your marriage is going to end, it’s going to end. Correlation doesn’t equal causation. My parents lived together for a few years before they married, and they’ve been together nearly thirty years and married for 24 this November. They’re still very much in love and happy. 

I mean, if cohabitation is going to drive you apart, it’s going to happen whether you have a ring on your finger or not. Marriage doesn’t make a bad situation good again.

My fiance and I lived together for two or three years before we had our son who’s now 6mo. We’re probably not getting married for another few years. Every couple’s different.

I don’t understand how living together and realizing that things aren’t working out perfectly somehow leads to marriage instead of just breaking up and moving out?

I personally think you don’t really know someone until you’ve lived with them.  That weird way they sit when they’re watching their favorite show.  The noises they make when they eat.  The way the clean up all the time.  It lets you see if you guys can put up with each other’s weird habits and if they’re cute or disgusting haha.

I think living with someone before marriage is brilliant, and I’ve been doing it for 3 years now. My relationship is great, but it definitely took some feeling out. Marrying someone without living with them first seems like a guarantee for divorce, especially if you’re stuck in the honeymoon phase when you get married. 

this study scares me every time i read it. 

Well, my fiance and I don’t fit this at all.

We’ve been living together for about a year and a half and have been together for two years. & guess what? There’s a pretty ring on my finger with a wedding in planning!

We’re very happy and we WANT to get married and stay together. I think making the decision to live together was a great idea. First maybe because I’m not from this city and don’t have any family out here, but second because we get to know each other better and found out if we could deal with all the little things that people do when they relax in the comforts of their own home… we can!

I have been living with my now-fiance since 2009, and it’s been working just fine for us.  I actually wouldn’t feel comfortable marrying someone until I had lived with them for at least a little while, because I don’t think you can really decide whether you want to spend THE REST OF YOUR LIFE with someone if you don’t even know what it’s like to share a living space with them for an extended period of time.

I think the whole stigma against cohabitation before marriage is a bit antiquated.  As with anything that begins with the phrase “Studies have shown…” just because a study has shown it to be true does not make it absolute fact.  It works for some people, it doesn’t work for others.

What it also goes on to say is that most of those who cohabitate do it without the idea of marriage. They get comfortable, because it’s splitting the cost of the rent and you get to see them whenever you’re home. When they decide to get married, it’s because they’re comfortable, and they cannot see themselves without their significant other so the only other choice is marriage.

When you cohabitate with the idea that it will lead to marriage, and you picture yourself married to this person for the rest of your life, then divorce rates decrease.

This article is ridiculous. The goal is NOT to stay married forever, but to be happy together forever! Why don’t they post an article about studies/surveys about which kind of couples are still happily married after 10 years of co-habitating? I bet there are more unhappily married people on the “didn’t cohabitated before marriage” side than the “cohabitated before marriage” side. Simply because those who don’t cohabitate before marriage have other morals than the ones who do. They are more religious/traditional and divorces are not an option or not accepted in the family. To them getting divorced is worse than being in an unhappy loveless marriage where they yell/ignore/abuse each other daily.

So yes, I would co-habitate before getting married.

I moved in with my now-husband three days after I met him. Lived together for a year, now married. 

Why does everyone assume that people who live together eventually want to get married? 

I can also safely say that my relationship would not change if we were to get married. Why would living together while married and living together while unmarried be any different?

I think so! my husband-then-boyfriend moved out on our own before marriage and it was probably the best thing we ever did. There were kinks we had to work out (like how we get along when cleaning, etc) that I think we needed to figure out before tying the knot.

I think it’s correlation, not causation. The types of people who move in with someone without giving it a lot of thought, might get married without giving it a lot of thought. They also might rack up credit card debt. They’re all symptoms of short-sightedness. Someone might say, “credit card debt causes divorce” but it’s just as likely that short-sighted people who don’t know how to hold themselves accountable are more likely to do things that require damage control.

@QuantumStorm@xanga - @xhalesx@revelife - perhaps an obvious point: the type of people who are not okay with co-habitation are equally not okay with divorce.  so it would stand to reason that if a couple deems it a horrible thing to co-habitate, they’d feel the same way about divorce and would avoid it at all costs, even if the marriage became a living hell.  

also, there are plenty of different standards for what constitutes a successful relationship, married or otherwise.  and not everyone sees divorce as the end of the world.  personally, i don’t see it as any worse than a general breakup… there’s just more to deal with.  so i’d also argue that the type of couple that is more likely to co-habitate would also see divorce as not as horrible and, therefore, be more likely to accept such an outcome if they realize the marriage isn’t working out.  

i think it’s absolutely necessary…how do you know if you can LIVE with someone if you don’t try it??

@flapper_femme_fatale@xanga - I’m not sure it is necessarily true that if they are okay with cohabitation, that they must view divorce as okay as well. However I do see the correlation. 

@flapper_femme_fatale@xanga - The problem with divorce is that it goes against EVERYTHING that a marriage stands for. Marriage is supposed to be a lifelong commitment. And I know this isn’t revelife, but divorce is also wrong, according to the Bible. And that is where my beliefs stem from. And the Bible is God’s authoritative Word which means I obey it. I know for a fact that not everyone believes in God and that the Bible is authoritative, but that doesn’t change the fact that God’s word is truth and is how I live my life. So whatever the Bible, God, says is wrong is in fact wrong. And, whatever the Bible, God says is right is in fact right.

You are probably going to say that it isn’t fact that God’s word is truth, but it is. And even if you say something isn’t true, doesn’t mean it’s not true. And even if you say something is true, doesn’t mean it’s true. The only one that knows what’s true is God.

Also, I don’t agree with co-habitation for many reasons: Sex before marriage, higher divorce rate, etc. I’m not saying it’s a bad idea just to say it. A lot of thought and prayer goes into any decision I make.

@RadiantlyTenebrous@xanga - You would have figured that out when you got married anyway. Why do you have to do all of this before you get married if it’s just going to happen anyway?

@xhalesx@revelife - that’s fine.  but you kind of proved my point.  you’re an example of a person who thinks that co-habitation and divorce are equally unacceptable.  i’m the exact opposite– i currently live with my SO, and i would divorce someone if i wasn’t happy with the marriage.  a lot of thought went into me moving in with my SO, as well.  not prayer (we’re agnostic), but plenty of introspection and discussion to make sure it could work.  we even did a “trial” co-habitation before making it official.

it’s irrelevant to me WHY you think co-habitation and divorce are wrong, because i’m not Christian and Christian morals don’t define how i live.  and it’s irrelevant to anyone who isn’t Christian, because for many couples, such things as sex before marriage are not deal-breakers.  so the same things that would destroy a relationship for you, would not do so for other people.  
what i would be more interested in seeing is how happy people are in their marriages, and how that relates to co-habitation.  just because you’re married, that doesn’t mean you’re happy or in love.  and i find that to be far more important.  

@xhalesx@revelife - Excuse me? Just because you’re living together does NOT absolutely mean you’re having sex. That’s an assumption. You can live together and even sleep in the same bed without engaging in sex.
It’s called boundaries and/or self-control.

This was found in my psychology book too. Couples who live together before ENGAGEMENT are more likely to be less satisfied with their marriage and more likely to cheat. Its been replicated quite a few times. 

studies studies studies. blah blah blah. 

I wouldn’t want to relate my personal life to research that studies find with the general public, I think I’m very well qualified to make my own decisions. Living together is a personal decision that depends on the people and how they handle it. 

@mypandabear@xanga - Geeze. Don’t get your nickers in a knot. Yes it is an assumption, but it’s an assumption that everyone is going to make if you decide to live with the person you’re dating/engaged to/whatever. And yes, there is self control, but there is also temptation. And unfortunately for some the temptation is a lot stronger than anyone’s self-control can ever be, which is another reason why I do NOT think co-habitation before marriage is a good idea at all!

@kackie - exactly.

the idea of “sliding, not deciding” is the problem, not the cohabitation itself.  i plan on living with someone before i marry them, but i also plan on communicating with that person about cohabitation, marriage, etc. so that we’re both on the same page and realize that if the relationship isn’t working, we’re not going to get married in an attempt to “fix” it.

I enjoy reading the comments so much! :’) I lol’d. I live together with my boyfriend. I’ll tell you whether or not we ever grow old together And we do have sex. Ahw lord have we sinned. Too bad I don’t believe  

For once, I agree with the New York Times

They keep doing studies on this and coming out with the same conclusion over and over.

Currently living with my boyfriend, and planning to get married soon after we graduate. Working so far (:

@xhalesx@revelife - You say you think it’s a bad idea for religious AND non religious reasons, but I fail to see how you disaprove of it from any stand point other than a religious one. It’s a sin to live together prior to marriage? There are no scientific studies to back that up, just a fictional book written over two thousand years ago, and should be treated as such.

This is why marriage shouldn’t be in existance.

@MagicalMayhem@xanga - How do you have a right to say the book that I know to not be fictional is fictional? Do you do the same to a Muslim, or a Buddhist, etc?

Most of my personal beliefs come from the Bible. And that is that. I also stated that I don’t think it’s a good idea because of the divorce rates on couples who co-habitate before marriage…That didn’t come from the Bible, and that is a personal belief.
And I would have to think that I still wouldn’t think sex before marriage is a good idea even if I wasn’t a Christian. Having sex before marriage is just a stupid idea. Especially if you’ve had sex with multiple people. There are risks you are taking: STDs, unplanned pregnancy, not to mention the emotional problems you will have, especially if you are a girl. I would have to say that God was on to something when he told us that Sex is to be reserved for a man and his wife.

Cohabitation causes ‘more’ divorce because people who live together before getting married usually aren’t as religious and therefore don’t find divorce as taboo as religious couples do (and therefore may not try as hard to save the marriage). We studied this in my Families & Close Relationships class. 

I was kind of disheartened when right off the bat my teacher said that cohabitation increases the chances of divorce because I was living with my boyfriend at the time but after she explained it, it made sense. My boyfriend is Christian but he’s kind of open to interpretation when it comes to the bible rather than following it word for word and I’m Deist so we’re kind of an odd mix lol.