Dara-Lynn Weiss, a socialite mom, recently wrote an article in Vogue Magazine about her struggle to keep her 7-year-old daughter Bea healthy after a pediatrician told her that her child was overweight.
Weiss decided to put Bea on the “Red Light, Green Light, Eat Right” diet program, specifically designed for overweight or obese children.
However, the program has not only emotionally haunted Bea since its beginning, but shows the horrible ways in which a mother’s hatred of her own body reflects on her daughter.
According to the CDC, 17 percent of American kids are obese. Bea, who was in the 93rd percentile, had the possibility of developing high blood pressure and type 2 Diabetes. But instead of just limiting food intake or providing healthy foods and exercise, Weiss went about a different way.
“I once reproachfully deprived Bea of her dinner after learning that her observation of French Heritage Day at school involved nearly 800 calories of Brie, filet mignon, baguette, and chocolate. I stopped letting her enjoy Pizza Fridays when she admitted to adding a corn salad as a side dish one week. I dressed down a Starbucks barista when he professed ignorance of the nutrition content of the kids’ hot chocolate whose calories are listed as “120-210″ on the menu board: Well, which is it? When he couldn’t provide an answer, I dramatically grabbed the drink out of my daughter’s hands, poured it into the garbage, and stormed out.
I cringe when I recall the many times I had it out with Bea over a snack given to her by a friend’s parent or caregiver … rather than direct my irritation at the grown-up, I often derided Bea for not refusing the inappropriate snack. And there have been many awkward moments at parties, when Bea has wanted to eat, say, both cookies and cake, and I’ve engaged in a heated public discussion about why she can’t.”(Via: Jezebel)
Poor Bea, I keep thinking. Especially when, perhaps a slightly overweight child who hasn’t grown into her weight yet has a mother who in “liked that the word carries a scary, diagnostic tone.” (Via: Jezebel).
Bea has lost 16 pounds through her mother’s relentless harassing, she still remembers the emotional toll it took on her, reminding her mother that no matter how much weight she gained or losses, she’s no different than the girl she was before. But it seems as though Weiss was taking out her hatred of her own body on Bea:
“Who was I to teach a little girl how to maintain a healthy weight and body image?” she asks, given that she’s spent the past three decades “[hating] how my body looked and [devoting] an inordinate amount of time trying to change it.” Among other destructive habits, Weiss took laxatives as a teen and “begged” a doctor friend to score her appetite suppressants that had been proven to cause heart-valve defects. “I have not ingested any food, looked at a restaurant menu, or been sick to the point of vomiting without silently launching a complicated mental algorithm about how it will affect my weight,” she admits.” (Via: Mamamia.com.au)
Throughout the entire article however, exercise is never mentioned. Not once! A seven-year old must not only eat correctly, but have the exercise that children need! Now that Bea is a small, slight girl, mom dresses her in newly purchased dresses, to celebrate her skinny new look.
Too bad that money can’t buy her daughter’s happiness back.
Lovelies, did you ever diet as a child? Would you ever condone or put your kid on a diet?
guest
So so harmful to her daughter.
cherry blossom / 44 posts
When I started high school, my mom told me I was getting chubby. She offered me healthier food options and encouraged me to join swim team. It was tough love – in bea’s case, it was abuse.
guest
Almost every woman I know who has eating disorders has HUGE mom issues, or simply a controlling parent in their background.
This amounts to child abuse…but our revulsion of “fat” is such, that people will probably think she’s doing a great thing for her kid.
guest
@galadrial@xanga - I agree, it definitely seems emotionally abusive. But now that her daughter isn’t the dreaded “fat kid” anymore, she loves her again. This makes me absolutely sick.
guest
That’s terrible.
guest
What a horrible mindset to plant in a child. I bet this girl is going to have eating disordered thoughts and issues for the rest of her LIFE…and 7 is a damned early age to have to start with that mental anguish. If you’re going to project your body image issues onto your children, you shouldn’t be raising children. My mom may have “let me get fat,” but at least I knew I was loved and at least I didn’t start associating my self-worth with my weight until college. Leave it to Vogue. I would be interested to actually read this article to see what kind of tone in which it’s written. Also, she didn’t really struggle to keep her daughter healthy…she struggled to keep her skinny. Big difference, especially for a fucking 7-year-old girl.
guest
this is disgusting. there are obviously better ways to go about helping your child lose weight and develop a healthy lifestyle. I know this words from this article were cherry picked, but I can’t help but hope that the article that was published showed that this woman has some redeeming qualities other than being an example how not to be a mother.
“She will probably always want to eat more than she is
supposed to. She will be tempted to make bad choices. But now she has
the foundation to make these choices in an educated and conscious
way. Only time will tell whether my early intervention saved her from a
life of preoccupation with her weight, or drove her to it.” Source Really? She thinks she gave her daughter the foundation for a healthy relationship with food? Wow. How deep is her denial?
She reminds me of this woman who was shopping for her daughter. This woman turns to her daughter and yelled at her for not being able to fit into little girls clothes, and how she hoped she could find something appropriate for her in the Junior’s department because she was just, way, way too young to shop there. I wanted to hug the little girl and punch the mom in the face. You could just see the shame on this child’s face. I don’t get how women like them can’t see how much they are hurting their children.
guest
That is awful! Bad mom award goes to this “lady” !
guest
yes, i did and it was through healthy eating and exercise.
guest
At first glance, I look at this post, and I think, well yes, if your child is overweight, put them on a diet! But reading more into the emotional destruction both the mother and daughter went through… sounds like the mother has some issues of her own.
guest
Some people don’t like to say a parent is “bad” but she is being a terrible mother.
orchid / 160 posts
I wish that lady was my mom. If I had the money, I would pay her to help me lose weight. I know nobody else agrees, but I’m kind of jealous.
guest
ugh. And if Bea ever puts on a few pounds again, she’ll deprive and starve herself and feel ashamed instead of just replacing the gummi-bears with some apple slices to stay healthy.
All in all she did more bad than good by hurting her mental health in order to restore the physical.
I think beating the obesity issue generally is quite simple: a.) teach and show what is healthy, and b.) stop making them feel ashamed and as if they were only defined by their weight, so they actually feel encouraged to take the healthy way.
It is not like being unhealthily fat is pleasant physically, so there’s reason to assume it lies in people’s nature to want to get back to a certain weight.
A diet against obesity should not work differently than a diet preventing allergic reactions.
guest
There is a reason why that child was overweight in the first place. Genetic predisposition would not have contributed to her obesity at her age mentioned in the article, meaning that her overeating was emotionally-driven in some way.
Instead of talking to her child and figuring out a normal, positive way to make sure her health isn’t in jeopardy, she goes this? Sad, and pathetic. There are worse things people do to their children, but it doesn’t render this any less sad and embarrassing.
guest
I’m appalled by this. My daughter has gained weight due to some medication her psych put her on. Apparently they’ve had a lot of success treating children’s anxiety with it but we were warned ahead of time that it would cause her to gain weight. Not as much as some meds, but she would change. Never once have we shamed her for it. She was a very tiny, very slender girl until she started on the meds and now she is always hungry. We’ve had to put locks on the fridge and freezer and monitor what she eats and she still has gained a lot of weight. I know it’s common for children with autism to do this but it still worries me. We haven’t said anything negative about it to her, though. She can’t help it.
guest
this is disgusting. I hate when parents do this to their children. just because they’ve got some screws loose and hate themselves for whatever reason doesn’t mean they should screw up their kid, too.
This is not against people who have eating disorders, but against those who have them and impose them on their children as well. sickening.
guest
Watching what your kids eat is one thing, but if they’re having a sunday or eating some pizza at a special event or something let them live every now and then.
guest
yep she sounds just like my mother. she told me everyday that i was fat once i hit puberty and my hips and shoulders got wider. she forbid me to join a volleyball club because “sport makes you fat (big muscles = fat looking). just eat less or if you absolutely must do sports, walk, do not run,, because then your muscles won’t get fatter.”
guest
I was a fat kid. My mom enrolled me in swimming lessons and I dropped the weight quickly. I’m thankful to her for looking out for me.
guest
I kinda wished my mom was more worried about my obesity as a child. I didn’t know anything about healthy alternatives or foods as a kid; my sisters all had higher metabolisms and were more active than I was (I was a book kid, not a sports kid) and thus weren’t affected by the poor eating habits.
Sad day for Bea. Hopefully she grows up realizing how ignorant society and her mother is.
guest
Lol I’m pretty sure my parents were worried about how fat I was when I was about 7 so they let me choose a sport to start playing. I picked soccer and 14 years later, I still have really muscular legs. @_@ But I do think being in a tough sport improved my self-discipline when it comes to exercise. I’m constantly pushing myself during workouts the same way I was pushed when I was young.
guest
Wow. Way to go overboard. The poor girl probably just needed to get out and be active more, and sure, adjusted her diet to include healthier food but not LESS food. I hope Bea doesn’t end up permanently scarred over this. I feel like putting a little girl through that mentally does something and makes her more vulnerable for developing an ED.
guest
That is terrible. I too have dealt with a mother who had comments about my body that I don’t even think she realizes had helped give me poor self body image. Bea is 7 years old, it would be nice if the mom would see this thread and would give the child some sort of exercise to do like a sport really because she’s really young and needs that type of activity not just a mom wigging out over food items. That’s not going to help the daughter in the long run when she begins to get older and makes her own choices in terms of how she treats her body.
guest
Really? If your kid has to remind you that she’s still the same girl she was when she was overweight, there is definitely a problem.
guest
I am confused, this child does not look overweight?
guest
I can’t believe a mother would do this to her child. If she is concerned about her child becoming overweight, she should teach her child to make better food choices (such as choosing fruit/veggies over chips, drinking water instead of soda) and to participate in regular physical activity. While I am for mothers helping their children achieve a healthy weight, I am not for moms who hurt their children emotionally.
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@SweetNGuilty@xanga - that’s so unfortunate!
i’m sorry you had to hear stuff like that growing up.
rose / 802 posts
When this kid grows up too be an anorexic or a coke addict to keep herself skinny, we’ll see if her mom felt it was all worth it.
guest
She had filet mignon at school…!? =.=’ All I had throughout middle and high schools were chicken nuggets and circle pizza lol not complaining since I actually liked them, but filet mignon would have been good once in a while :/
Anyway. I feel bad for the little girl. I mean I understand that she was on the verge of obesity, but I mean I was a little on the chubby side when I was little too. Middle school years were the worst. But I eventually lost the weight somehow, and now I’m considered “underweight” though I’m clearly not -.- She could have exercised the weight off. Or limiting the intake of unhealthy stuff. But strict diet is quite harsh for a kid that age.
guest
That’s insanity at its finest. Ugh, and parents wonder why we, their kids then end up with full-blown eating disorders. Obviously, this is an extreme case, but have parents ever heard of packing their kids a healthy lunch and taking them to the park or a playground and actually encouraging healthy lifestyles? Also, it says she was in the 93rd percentile for weight, but what about height? If she’s in the 90th or so percentile for height as well, then the weight percentile matches and she’s of a normal weight, just a bit bigger all around than her seven-year-old compatriots. Come on, society. Get it right and stop screwing up the next generation.
guest
My mom was very similar. I was put on my first diet in 2nd grade (I am now a freshman in college) because she thought I was chubby…I was in gymnastics and softball so I was getting proper exercise. But that and the years growing up messed me up. When I have a daughter, I will never make her do that. I know what the consequences are later in life and growing up. If she’s a little chubby, so what if she’s happy. I would just want her to be happy whatever size she turned out to be.
guest
That’s horrible…I have a 7 year old daughter and I can’t imagine acting that way with her. It would be so much easier just to go outside and play with her and help her get exercise!
guest
Some people should not be allowed to breed. Honest to God.
My mom and dad did this to me as well.
I remember getting an apple (and only an apple) for lunch many days.
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@babybug329@xanga - you should have a talk with my mother, then you will believe. there are mothers who are only concerned about having skinny children instead of healthy children… to prove to friends that fat people can have skinny kids.
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@pencilbox_icons@xanga - it’s okay. i’m sure there are worse things to deal with growing up than a nagging mother
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@Xbeautifully_broken_downX@xanga - thats horrible! did you have money to buy some decent lunch? did your teacher complain?
guest
@SweetNGuilty@xanga - I guess it would be naive of me to say I cannot believe. (I suppose I am more shocked about the extent mom went to.) I can see that there are mothers out there who care more about looks than their child’s actual health and happiness. Such as that woman who gave her daughter birthday vouchers for future plastic surgery, or just about every mother who criticized her daughter for having a little chub (me included–but it was grandma who complained but never put me on a strict diet, I considered grandma to be like a second mother to me).
guest
What a depressing story – my mother would encourage me to eat healthier and exercise, but never to this degree. This is a bit overboard.