My last breakup was terrible! My ex sent me back my stuff through the mail in a duct-taped box that I could barely open. I, on the other hand, neatly packaged his stuff in bags and dropped it by his house. If only he had read this, maybe then he would’ve gave me my stuff back a little more nicely. 

There are so many ways you can give stuff back to an ex. Though my ex gave me my stuff in an unpleasant way, there are lots of more mature ways to go about returning stuff to your ex.

For one, you should wait until you’ve calmed down from the breakup. You can’t run to his house when you’re still extremely mad at him, or in other cases, still madly in love with him. A few days to two weeks is a great time frame to go by. If you show up immediately to get your stuff, you might end up hurting each other more or trying to get back together (which might not be good at all). But if you wait too long to get your stuff, he might think you didn’t even care about your stuff. This could be seen as you just coming over to get back together with him.  

And before you even think about getting your stuff back from him, ask yourself if it’s stuff that you really need. If all you left at his place is cheap stuff that you can replace, maybe you don’t need to get it after all.

If you do need to get your stuff back from him, try texting him instead of calling or emailing. This way, you say what you need to say to him without all the formality of emails or awkwardness of talking on the phone. Plus, you won’t have to get upset by hearing his voice.

When you do decide to get your stuff from him, make sure to plan it out. If you know the breakup was terrible, ask him to leave your stuff outside the door and you do the same for him. Or you could have a friend do the swap. If you think your relationship wasn’t that bad, try swapping in person. This might give you closure to the recently ended relationship. If you swap stuff in public, make sure to not cause a scene. You were in the relationship and you went through the breakup, so you should know which way would be best for you to get your stuff back and vice versa. 

If you’re not sure about giving back gifts or heirlooms he’s given you, think of it this way: Give back the heirlooms and keep the gifts. Family heirlooms are meant to stay in the family. At one point, he picked out the gift especially for you. It only makes sense for you to keep it. If he demands to have the gift back, you can either take the high road or the low road. That’s your call.

After you’ve got your stuff back and given him his stuff back, really think about what you want to do with it. Maybe he left some stuff at your place that he didn’t care about. Maybe you want to keep the stuff to have memories of the good times or maybe you want to burn it. But if you want him back, it might be best to get rid of his stuff. You know what they say, out of sight out of mind. 

How would you give an ex his stuff back? What have you done in the past to get your stuff back from an ex?

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