When I was a kid, I was socially awkward and just plain weird. It caused me to not have friends for a long time. Finally, when I was 12 years old I met a girl who was willing to be my friend. Let’s call her Stacy.
Ever from the very beginning of our friendship, it was not healthy — although it took me years to realize it.
The entire group of friends constantly picked on, belittled and was physically aggressive with each other. Everything from slapping, giving each other “dead arms“, clawing, etc. At the time I, due to lack of previous experience, thought it was normal for friends to joke around with each other.
I stuck by them though. Why? Because having them for friends was better than having nobody at all. And some days were good. On Fridays, Stacy and I went to the mall after school and just ran around like crazy kids.
As high school went on, I started to realize that other people didn’t treat their friends this way. And I think the rest of the group did too because all of a sudden it wasn’t funny when Stacy slapped me across the face for no reason and she turned her physical assaults into being rude, obnoxious and typically crazy. I always felt terrible about myself and was afraid of her. But what was I going to do? I was on the bottom of the group totem pole and she was at the top, ruling over me. Everyone listened to her and nobody would stay friends with me. I’d be all alone again, which is not what you want in high school.
We started to grow apart over the years. After graduation we didn’t have time to spend with each other and every time we did hang out, it caused me to realize that I had grown up and she had remained stuck an immature, irresponsible teenager. The only thing we had in common was our friends and going out on the weekends.
We’re both 21 now and I’ve finally decided after years of debating I really want to cut her out of my life… but how can I? Her twin sister is one of my best friends and just had a new baby that I absolutely adore, all my other friends still hang out with her, and any time I want to go out she’s going to be there (small town, only one club to go to).
She went across Canada for eight months, and came back even worse than ever before. Her twin sister had the baby while she was away and even though her parents bought her a ticket home she refused to come home until months afterwards. She’s still extremely needy, immature and irresponsible. She shaved half her head, refused to get a job or take care of herself, and is a completely different, hypocritical version of herself. We haven’t really spoken since she got home, but I knew that I would have to deal with her and accepted that.
However, in turn she’s gone in a different direction, telling everyone a bunch of exaggerated stories about how terrible I am and deleting me off Facebook. It seems silly, but I feel like it’s the end all be all. What’s even worst is when I checked in to see why I wasn’t seeing anything from her on my feed the page reads You and Stacy are not friends.
Obviously she’s not willing to be a civil person over whatever I did. I’ve avoided the past three get-togethers with my friends because I don’t know how to face her. We live in a very small town and she works at the closest grocery store to me. We’re going to run into each other.
No part of me wants to fix the friendship. We’re two completely different people, and she is a mean, rude, toxic friend. However, it’s difficult to just try and forget everything from my past… so what do I do to cope with the end of a long term friendship? What do I do with having to face her? Do I just go on avoiding any party she might be at?