Lovelyish

There should be no judgment from doctors for ANY type of visit. That is just ridiculously unprofessional.

They’re probably incredulous virgins who can form a coherent sentence exist. Take it as a compliment.

I have frequently had them assume I was lying.  The last time I had a check-up, the doctor did a test that it was in my chart to skip because it wasn’t relevant.  When I questioned her about it, she just dismissed it, saying that it had been a year so she wanted to do it just in case. Apparently asking me if anything had changed wasn’t good enough for her.

My friend totally had this same situation, except she was only 16. Still, the doctor called her a liar. Moreover, she was there because she was worried because she never gets her period since she runs so often. The doctor ended up telling her that because she drinks soda that she needs to work on being more healthy and active. It’s just plain ridiculous.

Wtf. Total opposite actually. My OB/Gyn assumes I’m a virgin because of my cultural background lol. Plus it’s obvious I’m a virgin during the check-up…

Yes. I’ve only had a pelvic exam once, and it was because I ended up having not only a ruptured ovarian cyst, but a couple other stupid lady problems, but I got the same questions and the same awkward response. I don’t go regularly because I avoid all doctors like the plague, but I feel like they shouldn’t assume anything.

This has happened to my last time I saw my OBGYN.
I had a yeast infection and got an Pap smear because of my Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. I also told her that I considered myself bisexual. She insisted that I get a STD test even though I told her repeatedly I was a virgin. I said yes just to shut her up. Wish I didn’t because those damn tests were expensive as hell. 
I felt like she thought I was lying too. like someone my age (22) can’t be a virgin. I would know if I had sex damnit. I feel like she insisted also because of my sexual orientation inspite of what I told her.stupid lady.

@vicdaily@xanga - You squirm too? I hate those damn speculums. They’re supposed to have a special one for virgins & petite girls but I swear they get the biggest one they can find when they know I have an appointment! LOL

@Shytooth@xanga - Your friend needs a new doctor. What the hell does soda have to do with it?! Your friend is already healthy because she’s a runner. Athletic girls sometimes have delayed periods because they’re overactive & underweight. That doctor sounds like he/she printed their degree off google. -.-;

@lanney@xanga - I would have written her up. Doing a test without your consent is considered assault & battery.

@MiriamBeth@xanga - LOL thank you! Yes, the stigma of virgins is so annoying. We’re portrayed as bubble heads or freakish nerds. We’re actually very lively people with interests!

@Rebekka Holman@facebook - Being a virgin means you’re not sexually active so I dont see how the doctor could get that mistakened. Now some people are technical virgins (meaning no penis penetration) but do other things that can lead to STD exposure so they would need testing. I choose not to do anything at all so I dont need STD testing until I start being active.

@ShimmerBodyCream@xanga - THANK YOU!! It’s crazy how some people act. One of the first things I learned in classes during my training was judgement is thrown out the window for patients. Most of the time I get this reactions from older doctors who think they see & hear it all. The first time it happened was when I was getting a referral for an ultrasound because I was suspected of having ovarian cysts (which were benign, thank you God!) & he wanted a transvaginal ultrasound because you can see things better.. I told him there was no way that would work because it would hurt me & he was surprised to find out I was a virgin. They had to do a regular ultrasound.

@wildchildofthebluemoon@xanga - Oh gosh! ::HUG:: I hope you’re better from that ordeal. I had cysts before & I wouldnt wish that shit on my mortal enemy. It made my life hell!!! Just thinking about what I went through makes my eyes bug out. And because it was just random abdomen pain, I had to go through a long period of differential diagnosis to find out what was wrong. When they ruled out my digestive tract, I was referred to the GYN who then figured out what it was.

I do hope you get back to trusting doctors because not all of them are the same & womens health is a majorly important cause. So many things can affect you in silence & often the only/best cure is early detection.

@deemure@xanga - If you have insurance, your provider should cover the whole exam since testing is preventative medicine. If not, you have every right to refuse. All the staff with do is document in your chart you refused a procedure so that they’re covered in the event someone comes back to file a lawsuit.

I think possibly she did insist because you are bisexual & she made an assumption, which is wrong. Bisexuals are just as safety conscious as straight & gay people & not all of them have sex either.

This makes me not ever want to visit an OB/GYN :/

@KasumiCelesta@xanga - Not all doctors are like this. I didnt write this to care people believe me! LOL I just notice this from older doctors I’ve been to. Younger doctors are more open minded & not as jaded from working in the field. I hope they all stay that way.

What is with OBs?  Mine always treats me like I’m lying about only having had one partner, then she insinuates that he’s probably cheating on me (without even knowing anything about him).  They’re cautious to the point of alienating their patients.

@Shinbi_Belldandy@xanga - I only just started with “real” exams and my first one almost made me cry. I hope they get easier. I’ve been told I’m just exceptionally small

They didn’t believe me when I was a teenager and needed a physical for sports.  I didn’t care what they thought then either.

We need more people like you in this world I will say. To know that some girls my age are smart about it unlike some of the girls that are fifteen and already have at least one kid. I know one girl who is recently 17 with two kids and one on the way, already married and thinks she’s happy. It’s sick. We definitely need smarter people like you for sure. I wish I had been as smart.

@Gorrific@xanga - I love how doctors think the worst….not. And what she’s doing is flat out rude & insulting. As I mentioned, guys can get & carry diseases & not know it. Even in previous monogamous relationships. Even women can be carriers because some diseases are only known once pain or symptoms set in. That’s why I tell people to get tested yearly when active. And some things cant be done with a pelvis exam, they would have to test blood. I would file a complaint with your doctor too or leave the practice completely. When the office asks why, tell them the truth. Feedback helps change how doctors & the staff interact with patients.

@vicdaily@xanga - Oh I’m sorry! I know it’s frightening. Did you bring someone with you? You can, you know, they dont always tell you. I had to go the first time when I was 13 because my mom was worried I didnt have my period & even though by law she had to stay, I felt better with her there. And we had a woman doctor so that helped TONS!! When I first had to go to a guy when I was 18, I almost fell out & died! XD But when there’s a man doing the exam, a female member of the staff MUST be there to make sure nothing happens that’s not part of the exam. It protects the doctor & you. I didnt know that at the time so when the strange lady just walked in & stood by the exam bed, I thought I had volunteered for a lesson or something! haha! I hope my embarrassing stories eased your nerves a bit!

@xsimplepleasuresx@xanga - Oh man, you should see me whenever I need pain medication. I have to sign paperwork like 3 inches thick saying I’m not pregnant or on birth control or other mumbo jumbo. Dont get me wrong, it’s completely necessary but when I had my first cyst pain, I was screaming, thrashing & crying in the ER after they put me in a room & my mom had to go to the nurse’s station to ask for the IV drip. The nurse came in & saw how bad I was & said she was waiting for the pregnancy tests to come back first. I screamed at the top of my lungs “I’M A VIRGIN!!! GIVE ME THE MEDICINE!!!”. XD! That pain was mind altering omg….

@BriBaby0611@xanga - Awww!! Thank you so much. Yeah it seems like doctors just lump us all together as a whole. When I was 15, sex was the last thing on my mind. I had schoolwork, hobbies, weekend activities with friends & that year I had dancing lessons after school to prep for my friend’s Sweet 16 so I was busy. I didnt get a boyfriend until I was a junior but even then I wasnt sexual. I felt bad for girls who had babies because they gave into pressure & not all of them had guys who manned up & raised their kids. One of the reasons I was never sexual was because I saw what went on in school everyday. The second high school I went to had a DAYCARE in it for student mothers. On one hand, I thought it was great so the girls can graduate high school & not become drop outs but at the same time, it made some girls think they had an easy out if they got pregnant. Not all schools had that at the time. I dont know what goes on now.

@Rebekka Holman@facebook - Oh ok, I see what you mean now. Yes, that’s true but even still a doctor is supposed to respect the wishes of the patient without probing for what they think is a better answer. Unless there’s obvious signs of things like abuse, neglect or outward symptoms of things. The field is changing & when I was in school, we were trained heavily on medical ethics & patient interaction. Like how you listen to how the patient talks & focus on body language since about 70-80% of communication is non-verbal. If I’m speaking clearly & confidently with no outward discomfort or hesitation to a question, I’m being truthful to the best of my knowledge. If I get quiet, look away, fidget or stammer then I’m embarrassed or scared. THAT is when a doctor should gently take the initiative & inform the patient on why they should have a test or procedure done & even then if the patient says no, it’s documented in the chart to protect the doctor & the practice. They shouldnt just insist because it’s usually the norm for the age group or type of practice they do.

Many doctors often force exams & procedures on patients because they get paid more based on what they do. Each procedure has a code & what happens at the end of the visit is the exam is coded into numbers that explains what the doctor did, if any medicines were given & what diagnosis they came to (if any) & it’s sent to the insurance company for billing. Some of the add on charges & dont get caught right away because it’s routinely covered & the patient just pays the copay & is none the wiser. That’s a majority of the reason why some doctors lose their license for fraud.

@Shinbi_Belldandy@xanga - It’s not supposed to hurt… the PAP smears… if it does, you might have endometriosis or cysts.

@Rebekka Holman@facebook - I’ll try your suggestion & see if that helps! I’m going to a new doctor soon so hopefully I wont have the whole song & dance again. One of my friends used to joke that if I kept the same doctor I had this issue with when I get married & finally said I had sex, he would throw confetti at me! LOL I would then actually be scared he would ask me how it was. haha!

@MoonFaeEyryan@xanga - At those times I did have undiagnosed benign cysts & a few small spots of endometriosis (I should do another blog on those & post the picture they took during my surgery. It was fantastic to look at that & see REAL organs & not 2D diagrams. [Nerd alert! XD]). The exams are tons better now since I had them removed but it’s a permanent note in my chart to watch for them because sometimes they grow back (5 years so far & no problems, knock on wood!). But typically the first few are uncomfortable but it’s mostly because of nerves.

@Shinbi_Belldandy – I was one of the girls who believed in waiting but I found “true love” and did not. I was fortunate enough though not to have a kid before my diploma but still have to handle that her 25 father couldn’t man up but my 21 year old bf could. It’s a shame still but I got lucky out of our misfortune and have a beautiful little girl. (:

No…I didn’t go to the gyno til I was active which was about the time you’re supposed to go anyway (19). One year however when they ask the amount of partners you’ve had that year I answered 2 and she got all huffy puffy saying I needed to slow down and select one partner blah blah blah. Talk about making you feel dirty! 

@BriBaby0611@xanga - I’m glad things worked out for you! And you have a good guy to help you through it all.

@ShirleyD@xanga - that doctor needs to get off her high horse. As long as you’re safe, they shouldnt get preachy about how many partners you’ve had. She knows nothing about your personal life. Besides from what I’ve read, most people on average have many more than 2.

I had a good gyno that I went to when I was 18. She asked if I was sexually active first (like they’re supposed to) and didn’t make assumptions. Because, yknow. She’s paid to act professionally. 

I think they’re just surprised that you’re still a virgin in your early 20′s because about 99% of the women who come in are sexually active. I definitely don’t think they’re judging. He probably reassures you because you must look embarrassed. Be confident when you say it & tell them from the start, “I’m not sexually active but I thought it would be a good idea to make sure everything’s in the right place & working properly.”

@Gorrific@xanga - This! I’ve had a doctor tell me very bluntly that while I am monogamous my partner probably isn’t.  I don’t get that as often now that we’re married.

The first time I went to the gyno was because I was about to get married and I wanted birth control. I regret the birth control now but that’s another topic altogether. Even though I live in a small town and the doc knew me, she didn’t believe I was getting BC because I was getting married. I had only just graduated high school and in my town, that usually meant that the girl was already pregnant. I had to answer all those “how many partners” questions to the wife of my science teacher. It was awkward to the extreme, though the doc was very nice. 

I hate going to get checked out and having the doc ignore my concerns. I’ve been told that I have cysts and would never have children (I now have two kids) without any sort of test to prove it. I was in my early 20s then, it was a very horrible time for me. I’ve been told that my painful intercourse and clotting was because I wasn’t on BC, even though I had the same issues when I WAS on it. (sorry if that’s TMI) The only good gyno/OB I ever had was the doc who delivered my second child. He actually listened to my concerns and didn’t try to push BC on me as soon as my child was born. I HATE that all docs tell me to be on BC and won’t listen to my issues or offer any other solutions. It’s like they have a standard for every single woman regardless of her history or preferences. It seems like they assume that if you’re in for a check up, you’re sexually active and need birth control and STD tests. I’ve even had a doctor give me a pregnancy test even though I told him my husband was deployed and I hadn’t had sex in 6 months. I was very angry about that.

II can try to understand where you’re coming from but the doctor is probably trying to make you feel more comfortable. Don’t expect SO much from doctors – 4 years of high school, 4 years of college, 4 years of med school and at least 3 years of residency/internship really take a lot out of a person.

With me, it wasn’t that I was a virgin, but that I was in my early 20′s, and had been in the same relationship for over three years and, that partner just happened to be my one and only. 

Apparently having just one sexual partner ever isn’t so common, and raised a few dubious eyebrows.

I had a friend who went to the doctor while she was at field training (she’s in Air Force ROTC) and the on-site physician asked her to take a PREGNANCY TEST (for fear of consequences of medicine he was prescribing), even though she’s a virgin. When she told him she’s a virgin, he scoffed in disbelief. How unprofessional! I was shocked to hear this story.

My gynecologist has never acted as inappropriately when I told her I’m not sexually active. She just said, “Okay, just make sure to keep that in mind in the future,” and we moved on.

I got the same reaction from my regular doctor when he thought I had Mono. I was feeling lethargic and had hardly any appetite so he wanted me to get tested for Mono. When I had told my Dr. (with my dad in the room) I hadn’t shared any drinks, or drank from the water fountain, or even kissed a guy since 9th grade (I was in 11th), he then said (in a very nasty tone) it had to be a STD and that kissing isn’t required for sex. I said that I obviously had never had sex and it couldn’t be a STD. So, after harsh tones and quiet arguing, he ran a different blood test on me, and found out I was Iron-Deficiant Anemic. That’s why I had been so tired and ill. He still made me get a few different tests just to prove it wasn’t Mono or a STD. Jerk.

@Shinbi_Belldandy@xanga - Lol, well, my mom wanted to be there, but I told her to leave ’cause I’m a grown woman. You don’t have to get pap smears until you’re 21 or sexually active, whichever comes first. I had seen an Ob/Gyn (the same one) before then…I believe around the middle of high school, but never had it done. My Ob/Gyn is my mom’s also and they’re good friends; she even wanted me to date her son. That would have been weird. Her husband also works with her and I’m pretty sure he doesn’t need a female member there when he’s with a patient. He once was in my room and asked if it was okay if he did the check up and I was just like I’d rather wait until your wife gets back lol.

Doctors usually ask twice to make sure that you’re being honest.  During my Ob/Gyn rotation, I was told that many patients fear being judged so they lie about their sexual history. I had patients that initially denied being sexually active but subsequently opened up once they knew about confidentiality and my desire of helping them.  Your Ob/Gyn was just doing his job in asking more than once.  

@Ride_Every_Stride@xanga -  I am confident when I tell the doctor. I don’t
see any reason to be embarrassed. I stand by my choices & I’m proud because
I’ve kept my focus in life & I go to exactly where I wanted to be.
Sometimes I think it’s because they assume a city woman of color having sex is
normal. I know there are plenty of virgins out there but maybe not at my age. I
just hate the assumption of lying. Medical professionals are trained to listen
to the patient’s voice & check body language to see if how they act goes
against what they say (like if I said I was a virgin but I wasn’t looking him
in the eye or wandering around the room then year chances are I’m lying).

@greene_lily@xanga - I’m so sorry you had such bad experiences but don’t
every let them keep you from getting checked out in the future. I know it’s
hard to build a trusting relationship with doctors in general but it’s worse
after a bad experience. I’ve had them too. One doctor was so scatterbrained;
she forgot she gave me BC pills. I had my exam & I told her I needed a
refill for the year & she goes into a tirade saying she doesn’t give GIVE
pills away & I would need to schedule another appointment for an exam to
get them. I was like “um….YOU gave them to me. We had a 10 minute talk on them
the last time I was here”. Then she goes “go…” & gives me the prescription.
Now I’m not stupid to think she remembers EVERY single patient by name but she
could have checked my chart to see before trying to let me have it. Lol

@KyrieElise@xanga - The only thing I expect from doctors is an open
mind & to follow the rules & regulations in their profession.  To assume I’m lying because of my age is
unprofessional. There are plenty of people who are virgins or are abstinent at
every age. They’re probably so used to seeing sexually active women in their
20s but not everyone is out there having sex. I was even asked why I was having
a pelvic exam once if I wasn’t having sex. I told them because I have a history
of cysts & it’s to make sure my lady parts are ok. It’s called preventative
medicine for a reason, you know?

@skylar_rose@xanga - oh yes, because we’re all just an episode of
sex & the city. I also hate when doctors think because you’re young, you
have more than one partner. That’s another complaint I’ve seen in this post. It’s
so ignorant.

@bittersweetromantic@xanga - what a dick! I can understand doing
the test as a safety precaution for his practice but to scoff & just act
rude? It makes me wonder why some people are employed.

@Katy326 - I hope you went to the board on him & left the
practice. So many doctors have a God Complex. “I’m the doctor, I went to school
for this so I know more than you”. It’s your body, you live in it, you know
what you do with it. Any doctor worth his sheepskin knows many diseases &
disorders have similar symptoms & you need to do a differential diagnosis
to find out what it is. I had to go through it for weeks before I knew I had
cysts. I’m glad they did that than guess & get it wrong.

Doctors like him make the healthcare world as a whole look
bad. That’s slowly changing.

@vicdaily@xanga -  wow, that’s a lot! Haha, yeah I can see how
awkward that would be. My mom & I had the same doctors before but they weren’t
friends. Even if they were, doctor/patient confidentiality is sacred (except in
cases of abuse & stuff), so I wouldn’t worry about something going back to
my mom.

@MauTimHoaSim@xanga -  I understand that. I’ve had good doctors like that but
the ones I’m talking about literally give me a “WTF, are you serious?!” look,
then check my age & assume something is wrong because I don’t have sex.
That is unprofessional & rude. One doctor I had when I said I was a virgin
asked me was it by choice or did something happen to make me scared of being
intimate with a guy. That’s better than going “Well why don’t you have sex? Is
something wrong with you?” in an all knowing way, you know? I’ve had to work
with patients that lie or pussyfoot around the bush but as I said in previous
comments, we’re training to look for signs.

You’re doctors don’t seem very personable and professional… 

I’d just tell them “I’m not sexually active” and skip the whole “I’m a virgin” because even though they shouldn’t judge, I wouldn’t want to risk it because I’ve known plenty of unprofessional doctors. Sad, but true.

You should relish every opportunity you get to proudly proclaim your purity. It’s a shame that women are such sluts these days that doctors automatically assume you’re one by default.

 @Saridactyl@xanga - I mean they were up until the questions come up. haha

@firetyger@xanga - Yeah I think I might revise the answer I give because people think something is mentally wrong with me or assume I’m one of those prudish virgins or something. I dont lump all doctors together, I just mean the select few I did see.

@SKANLYN@xanga - I’m proud of my life choices but I dont judge people for theirs either. Assuming women are sluts because they have safe sex is being just as wrong & judgemental as those doctors.

@Gorrific@xanga - I would have said fuck you to their face and walked out not paying.

@ShirleyD@xanga - I seriously hate that part of the paperwork, I always leave # blank. It’s really none of their business, and numbers don’t mean anything as long as you are safe. I personally don’t do sex outside of committed relationships, but I try really hard to forget my past mistakes, so tbh I don’t think I know my number anymore..

@Gorrific@xanga - what the fuck? that’s nuts for a doctor to imply! crossing the line there..

I didn’t get asked these questions when I was a virgin because my gyno asked firstly if I had sex before. After I told her that, she said “Okay, then we will skip the STD test and pap smear” The only thing she said was I should consider wearing tampons so when I do decide to have sex, it isn’t painful. Advice I should have taken. 

Maybe you need a new gyno. You should be able to say you aren’t sexually active and then they say “okay”. I’d probably decline an STD test if it hadn’t had sex or I was with the same partner since I last seen her. I’m sure she’d advise I do it “just in case”, but I wouldn’t expect her to comment on the fact.

@Digital_Angel21@xanga - I don’t know about anybody else, but I had been using tampons for at least two years before I had sex and it didn’t make it not hurt. Even if using tampons did make it easier, I’m scared to even think about how bad it would’ve been had I not been using them.

Nope, I’ve never had an Ob/Gyn ask me if I want to get tested.

OOOOOh yes… I had a very interesting Doctor visit before I was married.

It went somethng like this-
Doc: Do you have any STDS?
Me: No, I’m a virgin…
Doc: Any problems with sex?
Me: Erm… no… because I am a virgin…
Doc……………………………. Any pregnancy scares?
Me: Look, I’m not tryng to joke around with you here, I know you have to ask these questions, but seriously… I am a virgin…

Yes, I used to have that happen to me!  Even when I was married and not on birth control, they wanted me to take it.  The point is not to judge you!  The point is… do you know how many women they see with unwanted pregnancies after they’ve discussed the issues with them?  The doctors are just doing their job.  However, obviously they could do so without any smarty remarks.  As gynecologists they should mention birth control and STDs… not all virgins plan their first time.  

Been there! I remember two summers ago I was donating blood at a hospital where I was serving as a chaplain. I was even wearing my clerics when the technician was asking all the standard questions about sexual activity, drug use, etc. Oh well, I guess it is his job to ask!

Haha, you know I’m in the same boat with you. I get it more from the nurse’s doing my intake form and vitals, though… Not my doc. 

@LKJSlain@xanga - You totally had what I call a robot doctor. They dont really listen so everything is routine. Ugh…

@TiredSoVeryTired@xanga - Exactly. Heck, when I did take birth control after my cyst episode, I was the one who brought it up. This was before the IUDs & rings. I wanted the depo shot but my mom didnt like the idea of it. I’m glad I didnt get it too because of all the problems I heard friends have with it. The 30 pound weight gain didnt sound good to me either.

@Ancient_Scribe@xanga - Some people dont have common sense! XD Also, some people do come into the Lord’s service later in life & may have had past relations so that may have been the reason why he asked as well.

@oOo_itsJuJu@xanga - Since I’ll be living elsewhere when I get married, I probably wont have to deal with the stigma from my previous doctors! LOL It’s jst sad that some people in the medical field expect to see disease ridden people all the time so when people like us come in, they think we’re lying or something is wrong with us because we chose not to get busy.

how many different doctors do you see? the office I go to has three- they all know me, and they remember stuff about me (such as whether or not I’m a virgin). Maybe find a different gyn?

Never went, I don’t find them necessary unless you’re active. Fuck that.

It’s really annoying. I went to the doctor today and she said they wanted to check me for HIV and STDs when I don’t have sex and am still a virgin. I’m 16, btw, and she said the same thing last year and I told her I wasn’t active. But I get the impression that she thinks I’m lying. It frustrates me and makes me feel like some kind of slut, that just because I’m attractive, one should assume a boy’s been in my pants.