The American Psychological Association has found that women are happier in a relationship when their man can identify their pain or sadness. Can we all let out a collective “‘DUUUUHHHHHH”?!
The study is actually quite intricate so let me try to spell it out relatively simply. Basically, researchers asked 156 heterosexual couples in committed relationships to sit down individually and describe a situation they had with their significant other in the recent past that was especially troublesome for them. Researchers taped these statements and then played them back for the couples, who were then asked to discuss the incident with each other for 10 minutes. Those conversations were again videotaped and played for the couples. The men and women then rated their emotional flux during the conversation, and researchers then analyzed those results. Oy. Got all that? Us either. Science.
In any case, here’s the crux of the whole thing: women feel happier, more satisfied and more secure when the man in their life can pinpoint their negative feelings (i.e. sadness, frustration, anger) and when they can identify those same feelings in their man. As a woman, I think they’ve got this right. Maybe it’s some intrinsic nurturing chip we all have as females, but I’ve always felt closer to a partner when I can recognize their unhappiness and try to make them feel better. And on the flip side, it feels good when your guy can tell you’re upset without you actually having to say it. I can’t explain it, really, it just does. We’re weird.
Men, on the other hand, feel closer to their female counterpart when they can spot her happiness. Findings seemed to also show that men felt that singling out their significant other’s negative emotions was threatening to their relationship. Innnnnteresting.
Ultimately though, and most importantly, both parties were happier when each approached the other’s feelings with empathy. Here, here. (via ScienceDaily, Jezebel )
Do you think these findings are accurate? What makes you feel emotionally satisfied in a relationship?
guest
Yes. When he understands why I’m upset, not just that I am.
guest
@Cambios@xanga - I agree with you. You feel better about the whole issue because otherwise I’m left feeling like he was just going with the motions to make me feel about about whatever the situation was.
guest
I think they’re very accurate. Sometimes, for me even, they don’t even have to know WHY I’m upset to start out. Just the fact that they acknowledged the fact that I am feeling down or upset works wonders. And if they offer to help and listen to your reply in regards to that can make a world of difference, as well. I don’t like it when my guy just buts in after acknowledging my feelings and tries to help me “fix” them. Sometimes, I don’t want them fixed. I know how. I just want to wallow for a while, you know? I want more so just someone to lend me an ear, and care for me through the process. Acknowledge my efforts, you know? I may be weird, but that’s how I feel.
And I have noticed that yes my spouse seems to feel more comfortable/happy with me when I am expressing happiness/am happy. He does seem uncomfortable touching the negative emotions, I have noticed as well.
I say tenderly touch them. Show you care, you know?
I like stuff like this.
How did you happen across this article? I will have to read it for more details!
guest
@untouchablelove13@xanga - Like they’re saying what they believe you want to hear. Hate that.
guest
Empathy!
guest
I just read this post to my boyfriend, and he responded with, “My head is starting to hurt now”. LOL. I do agree though- it does bring an unexplained happiness when my guy can tell when I’m upset or annoyed or angry without saying the words or punching a wall. HOWEVER, he’s never been good at pinpointing WHY I may be upset in a particular situation. I forgive him though, he made a good argument- I tend to be a little over emotional and sometimes the smallest thing will send me to tears. It’s not his fault the stupid silly commercial doesn’t make him as sad as me X-D Communication is key, is my bottom line.
♥L
-SM