If you’re a person prone to depression or depressive episodes, naturally there’s no one instance wherein you solve everything and you’ll never be depressed again. But, if you’ve ever come out on the other side of it, which I hope you have, you know what it feels like to be a soldier of your own defense, with steely resolve and unfettered confidence. If I’m not making any sense, maybe my favorite post from Hyperbole And A Half, Adventures In Depression, can help.
This post has been up for awhile, but I always seem to come back to it. While depression isn’t fun or funny, there is always humor to be found in what I refer to as: F*ck-it Mode. It’s when your life just takes so many tiny turns for the worse that you finally just say, “Alright, you want a fiasco? Let’s do this.” Now that’s not to say that a booze bender is the answer, that’s a deeper issue and definitely not funny, but if your vice is horror movies and Skittles, this comic might just have you pegged.
Down to the depression-clothes, she nailed this piece for me. The hoodie, the backpack, even the bike. I go into boy-scout survival mode when I’m depressed and nothing is more empowering than not giving a crap about anything. When life just stacks up and your neurons won’t let your brain do anything but wallow, eventually you just roll over to the other side of the fence and let the lack of emotionality calm you. Then, you’re invincible.
And while this doesn’t work forever, it did help me make some great art in college. Like I said, crippling depression isn’t a laughing matter, but it’s always good to know there are ways to make the best of a crap situation. Do read the full article on Hyperbole and a Half. It’s truly hilarious and inspiring.
(Editor’s note: If you are feeling depressed or suicidal, please call 1-800-273-TALK or talk to your doctor or other health professional.)
Have you ever gone into f*ck-it mode as a result of a depressive episode? How do you combat depressive feelings?
guest
been there/done that. The last two years have been in fuck-it mode off and on. I aspire to being a normal person again…someday. This was very cute.
guest
Oh yeah. I’m much harder now.
rose / 937 posts
Not giving a shit when depressed is not the same, or healthy, as when it’s because you are just overworked or need a break from life, or even if you’re going through a tough time that’s just causing a lot of stress emotionally. Not caring about anything while depressed is not done by choice, it’s a symptom of depression. The only thing I am grateful for is the fact that when I’m depressed I tend to not give up my love of music, but I’ll do anything else that entails pretending that the world around me doesn’t exist and that reality is not important. Which, like I said, isn’t healthy. I don’t see choosing to not care as being empowering or beneficial to combating depression. Because a fuck-it mode in depression is the actual depression, I don’t choose it. I’d give anything to give a crap about everything when depressed, but that just doesn’t happen. Which is why I skipped probably 1/3-1/2 of the 8th grade. The only reason I didn’t do that in university last year was a) I was able to reschedule my whole second semester (which was when my depression really started kicking in) so that I was only out of the house twice a week, and b) because the episode wasn’t as severe as it had been in 8th grade. But I also think I knew that regardless of how much I just didn’t want to go or do anything I needed to pass, I needed to be able to do well so that I could still go further in my education. Had I been going through a much worse episode then I bet I wouldn’t have been able to maintain that resolve.
So I dunno… as someone who still deals with depressive episodes and with it being something prevalent within my family, I don’t really… “get” this.
guest
I don’t have depression, but pretty sure I was born with my “fuck it mode” on.
sunflower / 321 posts
@ashleynicole - yeah i definitely think what you’re talking about is WAY different. there are a lot of ways depression happens in different people, and this is just how it felt to me, and her post really spoke to that for me.
guest
Almost all the time when I’m low…
rose / 937 posts
@kackie - Yeah, I dunno but to me the comics (here) read more like “really upset and bad mood and just bad day/week/whatever” and not as much depression. But then again everyone I’ve known to have experienced depression really didn’t experience it like the strip is depicting it. Not giving a crap about things helps when I’m super stressed and very emotional about it (e.g. school-related stress), but definitely not if I’m depressed. I wish it would help, because it’s an extremely horrible thing to feel.
guest
It’s definitely a depressive state, but suddenly being depressed for no reason, to not caring about anything, with a jump to grandiosity or feeling invincible, could actually be more classified as a bipolar episode. Going from an extreme low to an extreme high, basically. Just an observation.
guest
I loved that post. xD
Made me laugh, even though I’ve dealt with severe depression for years. ;-;
Also, the “fuck-it” mode reminds me of this video.
guest
Meh. When I get like that every two or three months, it’s not really a confident fuck the world mode so much as I’m tired of trying, I just want to not see anyone and sit in my room with my laptop all day and sleep when I’m not doing that. That’s my fuck it mode. I don’t even want to go out to buy a candy bar or whatever because sometimes, embarrassingly enough, I am too depressed to bother getting dressed and going out at all. Fuck it.
guest
I often go into “fuck-it” mode.
guest
I get into this mode, when I am feeling “well” but generally pissed off by the world.
guest
“Having a party, eh?” “Nope.” HA! Lmfao.
guest
I love Hyperbole and a Half! Also, I do find F***-It Mode to be useful at times… Sometimes.. It’s a relief to be able to just let go and let it run its course..