Ahhh, Jenni. JWOWW. My girl. You know how to celebrate a national political holiday right. While most of us watched the entirely of Bravo’s programming whilst simultaneously eating leftover cupcakes and reading Consumer Reports Magazine (probably just me?), the most tolerable female of the Jersey Shore cast took to her blog to inform the world which presidents she would do the horizontal polka with. It’s a good list. Not good in the “Oh dang, you’re right” way, but more in an “…..how does she know who Ulysses S Grant is” way.

Without further ado, JWOWW’s list, complete with pictures (seriously, these are the pictures she hand-chose) and her thorough, well-thought out reasoning.


1. Ulysess S. Grant. “I heard he was an alchoholic. Sounds like he liked to party! He kinda looks like that actor Kevin Kline, right? LOL.” Okay. I mean…I’m not sure how much of a party alcoholism is, Jenni.


2. Abraham Lincoln. “Who knew the dude on the $5 bill wasn’t always so hairy. I bet the ladies loved him back in the day.”  I can’t really say anything about this. Look at those cheekbones.


3. Bill Clinton. “He might be old and gray but he was famous for not being able to keep it in his pants and a guy with a healthy sexual appetite is always sexy in my book.”  Adultery = sexy. Okay. Got it. (p.s. next time don’t pick the picture with Brad Pitt sitting next to him.).


4. George Washington.
Who knew that the guy on the coin you use to get your laundry done was a bit of a looker. He can join me for some GTL anytime he wants!” Honestly with this picture? He looks like a bigger version of Shrek’s Lord Farquaad with a receding hairline. I know because I watched that movie on every charter bus field trip from 7th grade on. Not hot.


5. George W. Bush. “We all know this guy liked to party Jersey style and that makes him A-OK in my book.” Alright, so now we have the requirements for “partying jersey style” as suffering from alcoholism and being arrested for a DUI. Right.


6. Ronald Reagan. “Movie star turned P.I.L.F!”  P.I.L.F. Creative.


7. Barack Obama. “Yes we can!” ….Kinda want to see her and Michelle Obama duke it out.


8. John F. Kennedy. “Too much of a ladies man in his day, but he liked a lady with curves and I am down with that.” Oh, so Mr. Clinton cheating on his wife was cool a few presidents up, but JFK being a “ladies man” isn’t. Makes sense.

While I’m pretty sure JWOWW’s list of P.I.L.F.s was comprised almost entirely of all the presidents she remembered from high school (I mean, can I get a Franklin Pierce up in here?), I applaud her effort to get into the presidential spirit.

Now do something this entertaining on Jersey Shore this week. Please. (via Buzzfeed, jwoww.com)