A Lovely asks:
I have a friend who is close with her ex’ new girlfriend and I find that odd. What do you lovelies think? Is that weird, or is it okay to be friends with an ex’ new girl?
I totally did it once. I was in high school, and I was the new girlfriend. I haven’t always had the easiest time making real girlfriends, and to be honest we had a lot in common. It’s sort of like when that guy sees something in both of you, he’s kind of profiling you to be compatible friends, if he’s dating you based on personality anyway. It sounds twisted, and there were times when their comfort level with one another crossed lines with me — she once came out in a towel at her house and just sat and talked to us for a long time, once asked me if I agreed with my ex that her boobs were uneven, etc. — so there was definitely a little bit of competition in the beginning, but after I broke it off with the dude (three years later) she and I stayed friends. We’re still on great terms. Friendships can be a totally different connection than a romantic relationship, and girls have such a tough time finding real friends that sometimes a dude in common is a small thing to overcome.
Coming from the other side of it, though, like had I been the ex, I think I would have had trouble. For some reason I didn’t mind having her around because, well, he had broken up with her to date me (we were 16, I know it’s a mess), but I historically rarely stay friends with an ex much less make an excuse to hang out with him and his new lady, so I can’t see myself doing it the other way around. There’s definitely a delicacy with which it would need to be handled, but is there anything wrong with it? As long as she’s not trying to win him back, and the friendship is sincere, I don’t see anything wrong with it.
What do you think, lovelies? Is it objectively OK to befriend an ex’s new boo? Could you ever see yourself doing that?
Do you need advice on something? What’s making your head spin? Relationships? Shoes? Waterproof mascara? Hit us up.
guest
“Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.”
ranunculus / 3457 posts
I actually became really close friends with my ex’s girlfriend. They broke up, but we met during the time they were dating.
guest
My current boyfriend of 7 years used to date my best friend, whom I’ve known for around 10 years. They dated for like 3 months and she broke up with him because he was “too nice to her”. (For the record, me and my friend were 16 at the time and he was a year older). Me and him had already become pretty good friends before they started dating, so when they broke up, though she’s my best friend, he came to me to help. He cried on my shoulder and confessed how much he loved her… And I guess it made us get really close. We started dating shortly after. Me and my friend had a hard time for a minute, but we never stopped being friends. DEFINITELY some awkward moments, but it was all good. He’s still friends with her to. We hang out all the time
guest
As long as you’re ok with it I don’t see what is wrong with it. I mean…you wouldn’t bother being friends with them in the first place if you hated them for dating your ex. You can be friends with whoever the hell you want to be friends with.
sunflower / 320 posts
lol, only a girl would have a hard time with something like this.
guest
i think it’s okay as long as there’s no lingering feelings and everyone is cool with it. so although it’s unusual and rare, i still think it’s okay
rose / 802 posts
My ex’s girlfriend (now his ex, too) has become my very best friend.
magnolia / 1054 posts
my guy’s ex tries to be nice to me… I’m like… no, you’re too childish and dumb for me, sorry.
but other one of my ex’s, now ex girlfriend, is one of my best friends
guest
I really think it depends on your relationship with the ex and your motivation to be friends with the ex’s current.
I mean, if you all have mutual friends and still do things as a group and the ex is bringing the current into the group then it really behooves you to be (at the very least) sociable. That said, I am not sure it would be a good idea to take the friendship to a level where you are spending time with the current outside of the ex’s presence. Things could get strange and any trouble that comes down the pike could easily be blamed on YOU.
guest
I don’t think so. The guy I’m interested in now still talks to all of his exes and I’ve met one and she seems ok. I figure as long as she isn’t just there to make it as hard as possible to have a relationship it’s fine.
guest
probably not.
it looks like you’re trying too hard to be the “cool ex-girlfriend”.
guest
I was friends with my current’s ex. Sorta. I never liked her and it turned out she was scum and he figured it out himself. I figure keep your enemies close. Be friends because at least you have everyone in the same bubble.
guest
As long as you’re cool with the situation, then it’s fine and it’s no one else’s business.
I’ve been there, it was a bit messy but we had some good times.
guest
If the ex girlfriend is on good enough terms with the boyfriend not to bad mouth him all the time, and doesn’t have any lingering feelings, then there really is no issue I would think. I was dating this guy, and got along really well with his one ex, but she was also his friend and dating someone else. Her and I would chat sometimes online. I’ve never been in the position of the ex because I don’t really keep in touch with guys once we break up, and I’ve never dating someone in my “social sphere”.
orchid / 157 posts
I’m good friends with my husband’s ex girlfriend (the girl he once thought was “The One”).
It’s a strange dynamic, sure. But sometimes that’s just how things work out.
guest
My fiances ex (wife) thinks she needs to be invited to our wedding/take pictures with me whenever she see’s me/talk to him 24/7 etc etc. Because I’ve heard her say multiple times that she still loves him, so …NO.We’ll NEVER be friends. I feel that they got divorced for a reason so they should have NO reason to talk. They didn’t share any kids…nothing. End communication.
His other ex’s I’d never consider being friends with….and him with mine. I don’t even talk to any of them except one (& he’s never leaving my life. He’s a good friend.) Talk about clash of the titans. Ickk.
guest
I’m friends with an ex’ new girlfriend. She’s an awesome person and I’m glad he found someone like her. I have a boyfriend I love dearly, why couldn’t we all be friends? We’re all mature adults.
guest
I think it’s perfectly fine if everyone can handle the issues that may arise because of it. I’m friends with my first boyfriend’s current girlfriend (they got together after he and I broke up) and she and I have never had any problems. She’s a very sweet girl.
guest
I’m still my ex’s best friend, though I have to admit I’ve personally (not in front of him) bristled at girls he’s dated in the past since me. Mostly because I knew their type and unfortunately knew that since I had dumped him, he’d become a little desperate. Wow, I feel conceited saying that, but it’s sort of true.
Now that he’s been with other people and had other meaningful relationships (and we’ve both had a chance to grow up since we were kids), I’ve come to terms with the fact that he’s allowed to make his own choices, even if those choices may/have hurt him. He’s his own man. I can’t protect him from everything, even though the best friend in me wants to.
guest
@LaceNation@xanga - If your fiance married this woman and thought he would spend the rest of his life with her, you don’t think it natural for them to still be on good terms? I think that shows maturity. It’s not every day that two people can say, “Well, we tried. It’s just not going to work for us in this way”, and get a divorce.
I obviously don’t know the circumstances, so I won’t say much more than that about your situation. :/