Etsy, you are a gold mine of horrible, horrible creations.

And one of them happens to be the “Smitten Snuggie.” Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy holding hands, and if I knew someone I generally liked in a way that made me want to hold their hand, I certainly would. But I don’t (cue self pity). And even if I did, I wouldn’t, under any circumstances, wear this.

Therefore, I take offense to the fact that some couple, somewhere, would voluntarily parade around me and the rest of the general public displaying double the affection. Like, I know you’re holding each other’s hands under there. I get it. It’s no mystery. You don’t have to signify the fact that you’re holding hands because you have romantic feelings towards each other by outfitting your love-fused paws with a fleece heart. That’s going way, way overboard.

And, you know, conversely, maybe you’re not holding hands under there. Maybe you’ve been kidnapped by some sort of terrorist with a sense of humor (or just a person that really, really hates you) who has connected you to a bomb that lies inside said Smitten Snuggie — a bomb that will detonate if you so much as remove your hand. I would rather that be the case than someone actually paying money for this and personally choosing to wear it. No really. That’s not an exaggeration. (via Refinery29)

Would any of you Lovelies wear this with your man?