Lovelyish

Sounds to me like you need to back off on dinner outings for awhile. Eating out is a luxury, not a necessity (and an expensive and fattening one at that). Pay your bills off first and then you can talk about eating out.  

There are cheaper and more fun things to do anyway. Since I’m a hardcore bowler I’d naturally recommend bowling. A lot of times bowling alleys will have specials like dollar days (dollar games/shoe rentals) and a lot of places even do unlimited bowing one night per week where it’s a much as you can bowl for a flat rate (and it’s usually less than $10 per peson, including shoe rental). 

I don’t know. Just an idea.

I agree with A Kinnison’s suggestions.  However, if you really cannot afford to be spending money going out right now, I would just be honest about it and refrain from going out for a while until you get back on your feet unless whatever activity you can come up with is very inexpensive, if not free.

I think he’s being kinda bitchy, offering to do it, and now whining about it…

I do second the suggestion of cheaper dates. You’re broke, but I’m sure your boyfriend has bills too. Cook your own meals; my fiance and I have had insane fun just learning new recipes together.

 I think its great that he made the offer, but if its hurting his pockets like it was hurting yours when the bills started rolling in, then he should say so. reading minds is NOT a bf/gf REQUIREMENT and besides you may not like what you find if you could do it. At any rate, cooking at home is a lot cheaper, walks around the park are FREE, a movie at home with popcorn is FREE. Think outside the box in terms of inexpensive/free events. Myself and my Bf have been doing it and it helps out alot plus gives us some other venues to spend time together without hurting our pockets and making us spend what we don’t have in the first place.

I’m kind of in the same situation right now too, except my BF doesn’t complain about it, quite the opposite, actually. He has a really good job for having just finished college, and I’m still in school living mostly off of student loans. We always do the whole fighting over the check thing whenever we go out to eat…I have no problem paying my share, but he feels like he should cover the whole thing because he has a steady income and I’m using borrowed money.

More often than not, we manage to avoid the issue by finding other fun things to do. I cook at home pretty often, so we always have fun trying new recipes. Depending on where you live, there may be plenty of free or very cheap date ideas that you haven’t even considered. We like to hit up museums and zoos in the area, because they often have very low admission fees or simply ask for a donation if you’re in a position to give a few bucks. Sometimes we’ll just wander around a mall for a few hours, just for a change of scenery and good people-watching.

Bottom line, the easiest solution is to find some kind of alternative to going out to eat every week, at least until you’re more financially stable. It sounds like the weekly dinner outing is kind of a norm for you guys anyways, so maybe it wouldn’t hurt to shake things up a bit!

I know a few people who are like your boyfriend and will take up a favor simply to be “the nice guy” but end up bitching about it. They do it because they run off of obligations rather then doing shit because they actually WANT to. Then resentment sets in and it’s their fault in the first place because they made a promise they don’t truly want to keep. I think it was suggested to you to chose a cheaper dating outing until the bills are taken care of and I completely agree with that. 

If they can afford it then yes. I rather split the bill, though

I agree with the cheaper dates thing. My boyfriend and I have found a knack in baking at home when we both are low on extra cash (which is often since we’re both out of jobs and focusing on school right now).

@StatelessPilot@revelife - I love that I always see you on these It’s starting to feel like we are online neighbors lol

It was pretty crappy of him to offer, and then make you feel bad about it all the time. My ex did that, offer to treat me to a big day out or something like that, and get me all happy and excited…and then he’d bitch about how much it cost until I wrote him a check for half just to shut him up. If your outings are hurting him worse financially than he expected, he should just tell you, and maybe suggest some cheaper alternatives to your current routine. Since you are in a tight spot financially right now, obviously you would understand. Taking you out to eat and then whining about the bill is just tacky.

My partner and I seemed to have an unspoken agreement to pay in proportion to our earnings. I made about 1/2 of my partner’s salary, so I paid about 1/3 rent, paid for the meals at less expensive restaurants but supplemented those with groceries and home-cooked meals, etc. We never kept tabs or expected a certain amount of money from the other person. But lo and behold when I crunched my budget numbers every quarter, I’d find our spending proportions staying consistent with our paychecks. In this case, spending in proportion to one’s earnings would mean he pays for most of these non-necessity things while she is catching up financially, or he goes without. To ask her to spend money she doesn’t have is selfish. He is subsidizing his own fun with her increasing debt.

No one says you have to spend money on dates. My wife and I play cards games and snuggle. There are lots of cheap and free date options.

I agree with quite a few other commenters here:  If money is tight, it would be good to find other options  I know when my boyfriend and I lived near each other, we alternated paying for stuff because it gets EXPENSIVE to buy dinner for two people all the time.  If you do have less money, and you still want to go out, offer to at least pay for the smaller stuff, like if you go out to lunch or something (usually cheaper), you can pay.  That’s what I try to do when I am kind of broke, but my bf and I are together for the weekend in another city in a hotel (where we don’t have a kitchen to cook our food!)

But yeah… offering and then showing how unhappy he is with it… not so cool.

If someone offers to pay, they shouldn’t be surprised when they have to pay, since they offered. However that doesn’t mean you should always let them pay.

My fiance usually pays when we go out because he makes more than I do, but if I can afford it, I’ll pay.

What matters it that you guys can agree on how to handle the situation, but usually if someone is stingy with their money they’ll be stingy with everything else too.

I don’t understand why you would offer but be a snob about doing the deed. 

I think maybe you shouldn’t go out for a while and cook your own meals perhaps. 

i’ve got the same prob. until now my bf has always payed. but recently he told me that i should pay for my stuff, bc he has no money, and he doesn’t think he should be paying all the time. i told him it would be ok, but i think its weird. cause how i grew up, boys have to pay ALL the time.

PLEASE STOP POSTING THESE THINGS! How many posts in the past 3 months have been about who should pay??? POST SOMETHING ELSE!

Good advice. And goes to show that you shouldn’t make an offer unless you mean it. And if someone makes an offer, you take advantage of offer, and they complain…don’t take them up on it anymore. 

Try cheap or free things. I wrote a blog that has ideas that are cheap or free that you could do with your friends or your man. I’ll admit they are a little weird but they are fun if you give them a try http://livinguntamed.xanga.com/758646950/cheap-things-to-do-to-entertain-yourself/

I think you should dump him.

maybe just stop going out to eat until you’re more secure. cook meals at home. it can be cheaper and a great bonding experience.

One of my guy friends insists on paying for me. It’s kind of a new friendship so it’s tough to figure out how he “works”, but the first time we hung out I could tell he wasn’t too happy with me paying for things. We went to the aquarium-we used my annual passes and I payed for parking because he drove; later that day I let him buy my lunch because he insisted. He’s a gentleman who just wants to do things like that: he opens doors (including his car door!), waits for my food to arrive before he starts eating, etc etc. 

HOWEVER, if he can’t afford to pay, then I INSIST on paying. If we were dating (which I’m hoping will happen some day…) I would respect his gentleman ways unless he couldn’t afford it. Then I would pay. And if I couldn’t pay either, I’d find something cheaper or free to do. Because it’s not about how much you spend having fun-it’s about HAVING FUN TOGETHER!

Honestly… I’ve never had an issue with this. In fact… I even have two friends (one male, one female) who will buy ME dinner (as well as movie tickets or the like) whenever we go out. I don’t insist on this but they both are generous, kind friends who I value very much even without the fact that they pay for what they do. And I’m just friends with them– I don’t give them anything but my time and friendship.

I think that if anyone offers to pay for outings and then bitches how he/she has to pay every time, then it’s time to start staying home for dates. There’s (assuming) resentment and other issues attached to it.

But we don’t know your boyfriend and your relationship to him. Your best bet is to talk to him about it and to come up with a good compromise about it.

I agree with the advice here.
I hate insincere offers. I don’t wanna live on others costs, but if someone offers it maybe they want to make me happy? I usually think I should accept and take the bill next time (but I don’t see my friends that often so it has to wait for a few weeks). And when I offer to pay something and someone declines I feel like they think I was cheap. Like I shared a huge portion of nachos with my friend which cost 3,20€ and she gave me 1,60€ back. WTF.
Ahem, anyway. Stick to the advice here.

Always pay for yourself, don’t pay for others. It’s the easiest way to not be in debt to someone or have someone in debt to you. Never rely on others, they will disappoint you. Be responsible for your things and you’ll find that your life will become much simpler.

Like a few others said, eating out is a luxury. A time like this would be a good opportunity to learn a few new recipes and expand on culinary skills. It might be more fun to cook together than going out anyway.

Not to sound like a mom but financial hardships are a perfect time to pick up some additional money-saving habits and learn how to stick with them. The economy is getting worse…ya never know when hard times might come again.

I don’t have anything new to add, but I like the picture at the top.  LOL.

Wow…he sounds annoying.

I think the advice given already summed it up. Moving along, lol

Yeah I pretty much agree with most of the advice here. He shouldn’t offer to do something if he doesn’t really want to do it; there are cheaper things you can do at home than eating out; etc and so forth. But no, dont pay the bill if you can’t afford it!

I think he offered to pay to be nice, but going out just as much as before and expecting him to pay for everything is kind of unfair on him. Why should he pay for double what he did before? Offer to do something free/cheap for a while until you can catch up on your bills.

Maybe you all should try cheaper or free outings, Greatdatedeals have cheaper and free things couples can do that will save you 50%-90% off.