A Lovely asks:

How do you get a crazy ex-boyfriend to just leave you alone. I feel like a restraining order is taking it too far. I just don’t know how to properly tell someone to go away for good. It has been over 5 years since we dated. It is beyond crazy at this point.

Well, in my experience a restraining order can’t be issued without an injunction to start off with. It’s a long and ugly process involving civil law, lots of costly paperwork, and attorneys, so you’re kind and wise to steer clear of it if he’s not a threat to your well-being.

Mental well-being is important though, too, and that’s what we’re talking about here. I don’t know if he’s just in your business or popping up everywhere, or just trying to be your friend when you don’t want him to, there are a few measures you have to take.

1. No more Miss Nice Ex. Tell him to go away and stand firm. Take control. He might not be in his right mind, but he should respect your wishes. If it’s been five years, surely he knows you find him annoying, but it’s your responsibility to follow through when he tries to contact you. If he calls or texts or shows up where you are, ignore him, or at most tell him it’s important to you for him to leave you alone. I’ve been shirked by an ex in public, and I never tried again. It’s humiliating. If you’ve got another person in your life, don’t be afraid to say “I’ve moved on.” It’s not impolite, and it might be imperative to the health of your current relationship.

2. Get right in your head about it. The second step, if you’ve already told him how you feel and that you need him to go away is to begin to adjust your own mental state to be apathetic about him. Not hate, not resentment, just free him from your senses. Lose his number, ignore his texts and be empowered. Five years is just unreal. He needs to move on, and you need to regain control.

3. But what if he doesn’t listen? If it’s been five years and he’s still not hearing you, even when you take a firm and proactive approach to losing him for good, something is wrong. If he’s showing up at your house unannounced, being creepy, call the cops. Sounds drastic, but if there’s the slightest inkling that your safety is compromised, don’t hesitate to bring in the authorities. You know… if he’s for-real nuts.

But if it’s just about empowerment, getting the guts to tell him to move on, you might not have to be brutal, just honest. Say, “I don’t think you and I are able to be friends in a way that is healthy.” It’s your prerogative, girl. It’s your life.

Lovelies, this might be a common issue. Have you ever had a situation where you had trouble kicking an ex to the curb? Do you find it easy or difficult to stay friends with an ex?

Do you need advice on something? What’s making your head spin? Relationships? Shoes? Waterproof mascara? Hit us up.