A Lovely asks:
I’m desperately trying to clean out my room, but I’ve stumbled upon a drawer (and then some) of mementos and memories from a former beau. All of these little things mean something to me, but I don’t want all the reminders of him scattered around my place. What should I do with things like stuffed animals and letters and cards that are just too much to keep?
This question hits close to home for me as I’ve been debating what to do with mementos and memories of mine own for quite some time. I really hate this part of a breakup because it can almost feel like you’re breaking up all over again. For me, there were phases I went through with all the stuff I was given, sometimes I wanted to trash it all and never look back, and others I wanted to keep everything… forever.
I think it is important to hold on to memories of past relationships, they can be a good reminder of what you’ve been through, and how you’ve grown, but its important to find a balance. You obviously don’t want your bedroom to become a shrine to your former flame. You can achieve this balance by sitting down by yourself and going through everything you have. If you can easily overlook some items, then it’s safe to toss them, but it is OK to keep the stuff and the things you just can’t bare to part with are worth holding on to.
Once you have decided what is important to keep I think it is smart to store it all in a private place, a place where you can always go back to, but are not tempted to open everyday, also a place where a new lover or anyone else for that matter could easily find it. I store my letters, cards and photos in nice box in my closet. That way if I ever need or want to, I can easily access them, but they are out of the way and not on display for others to see. As for stuffed animals, I would advise against keeping them all, but if there are a few special ones you don’t want to say goodbye to, that’s OK too.
Hope this helps!
What do you do with memories of past relationships?
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guest
Some may say hold onto them as a reminder of the mistakes and how much you grew as a person as you move on to new relationships in the future. If you need room, and can’t get it without throwing the stuff away, throw it away, maybe in a basement or garbage.
You don’t need the things but you need to remember how you learned to become a better lover.
guest
stuff animals ? do you really need that ? I would donate it to kids that have no toys.
As for letters / cards I tuck it in old dictionarys / books I never read and stuff it in my bookcase. That way I dont have to see it / be reminded of it.
Jewelries –> sometimes I’ll wear it cause it doesnt mean anything to me. While my girlfriends sell theirs.
guest
I know it’s hard for me to throw out stuff from an ex if it once meant something but i will throw all pictures out first. As for my nice LV bowling montaige bag i received as a birthday gift I gave it to my sister. I will only keep the small things i can eventually throw out. Stuff animals i will definitely throw it out right away. I say eventually you should throw out all the things from your ex especially if he or you have moved on. You could always make new memories with the new guys =).
guest
I sent all that crap back.
guest
If something evokes negative feelings, there’s no sense in keeping it. You’ve already learned the lessons. My protocol is to get everything associated with that person out of sight, out of mind, to help me heal faster. I gave away clothes, gifts, etc. to friends who loved them! I got rid of bad juju, they got nice stuff to wear. I put a few things I couldn’t let go of (cards, a few pictures) into a black box on a high shelf. After a few years, I could look at these objects and feel almost nothing except gratitude for how I’ve grown. I burned a few things for symbolic closure and shredded the rest.
guest
Get a box with a lid, some old magazines, cut them up, decorate the box and you will have yourself a memory box in which you can put all those gifts. Not only can u use this for his gifts but you can also use the box for other memories. Remember, memories don’t always have to be bad. At some point they were a part of you.
rose / 980 posts
They are just things, throw them out or donate them.
guest
I keep it all in boxes and drawers. Most of my ex memories are mixed into everything else. The particular hard stuff to keep around, I have hidden somewhere else. That way I don’t look at them before I am over the person, but later on, when I need to remember I HAVE been happy and in love before, I have them.
sunflower / 294 posts
What I’ve done is gathered everything up and put it away for a while (as long as necessary, not as long as you think is necessary) until you feel good (not okay) with how things ended. Then I went through everything and only kept what I thought REALLY meant something to me, not just things that were nice. Regarding one specific instance, I ended up keeping a few pictures and a craft. I put the craft in a drawer and I don’t see it much, and I put the pictures in a photo album. I got rid of the rest of it by throwing it out. I wouldn’t go as far as to say you should have at least one thing you want to keep, but to ensure you didn’t start this too soon, don’t throw things out of hate or any emotion. Throw it out because it has no effect on you. For the same reason, I would definitely say you shouldn’t keep more than a few things because if you feel you need to or should, you weren’t ready to start the sorting.
(I ended up keeping a few things like a CD because it was a band I liked and it didn’t really remind me of him. Just sayin’, don’t get rid of practical or things you like if they don’t remind you of said person.)
guest
If it were me, I’d just chuck it. But, we all handle things differently and each situation/person is different.
Good luck
guest
i know what i did with all my letters & stuff. but what about your pictures? mine are still in my hard drive. i don’t know if i want to delete them or just hide them somewhere in cyberspace.
guest
Keep it in a box and store it away, there will come a time when you find yourself thinking back about your relationship without feeling hurt. Or as suggested, donate them to kids.
guest
Get rid of it. It’s not healthy.
guest
Pawn anything worth anything and burn the cards and letters. I have even gone as far as to burn pictures and even some clothes or given them to friends. I suggest don’t save any of it. I only saved a few stuffed animals but I pretty much bought them anyways. None of my ex’s gifts were valid gifts. I got one rose that I kept until my husband bought two and threw it out. If the stuff really means nothing to you, you could start a bon fire and burn all the stuff and it wouldn’t bother you at all. I drunkenly set a fire in my bathtub and burned all my exs clothes. I never give away unless it’s worthless and useless to me and I never give back. I try to make as much as I can or I destroy it.