“I think we should just be friends.” Doesn’t just reading that phrase make you want to punch something? It’s one of those expressions that when coming out of a relationship, we just don’t want to hear. Followed closely by, “it’s not you, it’s me.” And while it may make you want to inflict violence on your soon-to-be ex, is being friends after a break up really that bad? Last year showed us that some of our most favored celebrity couples weren’t invincible, but 2012 suggests to us that just because they broke up, not all love was lost. While the romantic relationship may have ended, the relationship as friends not only lasted, but in a lot of these cases seem to be going strong. Which begs the question, could and should you be friends with an ex?
For Courteney Cox and David Arquette the answer is an undoubted, yes. While the pair split at the end of last year, the two have maintained not only a professional relationship, but their friendship as well. Courteney recently told People magazine, “He’s my best friend. No matter what happens in our future, he’s my very best friend.” While maybe not the most common end result, there’s clearly some logic behind it.
In most cases, when it comes to a relationship, either you were friends first and somewhere along the way it became more, or that you met someone and developed such a bond that they became one of your best friends. Friendship is always part of the romance equation, but when things don’t equal out the way you want them to, does that mean the friendship should end too?
Part of the problem is that it’s often hard to make the transition back from what currently is, to what was, or what could still be — it can be hard to turn those feelings off. At the end of the day, you’re always going to have that history with the person — but at a certain point, history shouldn’t matter, it’s whether you can see a future. Can you see yourself being friends with this person again or is it better to just not have them in your life anymore?
Now, obviously it could depend on what it was that ended your relationship, as to whether or not the friends card can still be played. If the person was unfaithful, or maybe you cheated, it could make holding onto a friendship a little difficult. But for those relationships that just lose their spark and die out, then what? What happens when the infamous “I hope we can still be friends” line gets thrown out there? Should it be scoffed or laughed at, or seriously considered?
So let’s hear it. Would you be friends with an ex? Are their different levels of friendship you can have? Are you for or against it?
rose / 937 posts
If the relationship started off as a friendship and I valued that friendship (and the breakup didn’t involve him or me being a huge dick or doing something very hurtful) then I’d probably want to remain friends. But if the relationship did not start off with the two of us being friends then I’d probably not feel as comfortable being friends after the breakup. Kind of like if I have a crush on a friend and then after some time the crush dissipates, I’d still be friends with them, but if I have a crush on a stranger and that crush wanes, then I don’t really think about them anymore. I need an existing relationship there in order for a connection to remain if the relationship will change.
guest
I think I could be friends with an ex, in fact I am. Athough it took us a while before we could actually be friends. We didn’t start out as friends either so that made the transition a bit harder for us both. We didn’t know how to be friends.
guest
I would have loved to stay friends with any of my ex’s, they all tend to hate my guts and want me dead though when we break up so guess that’s an impossibility. Oh well.
orchid / 115 posts
I’m pretty particular about who I develop good friendships with. I’ll be casual friends with lots of people, but really great friendships I like to reserve for a small group of select people. Most of my dating relationships began romantically; what I mean is that I was not really good friends with the guy going into the relationship, so post break-up is usually when I have to decide which category of friends he falls into (if he cheated on me, it is highly unlikely that I’ll retain any level of friendship with him). And I tend to ‘take a break’ from spending time with the person for a few months as it is the only way to return to ‘what once was’ or … normalcy.
So, to answer you question, yes, I will be friends with an ex. I’ll even be really really good friends with an ex if I value their character and their company.
guest
I’ve tried it many times… it never once worked out for me. Every person is different, but for me it just hasn’t worked. Sad too… I really tried.
daffodil / 1615 posts
I’m on civil speaking terms with two of my ex-boyfriends. The other two can go shit in a hat.
dahlia / 2747 posts
i say to each their own. i know someone who is really close with all his ex’s. he texts them regularly and still cares from them. for me it’s mixed. it really depends on how the relationship ended, what sort of feelings were left, and what the relationship was before we started dating.
guest
In my opinion, unless we started out as friends… I can’t be their friend. Seeing as I don’t date my friends, I am not friends with any exes. I am able to talk to them but I wouldn’t hang with them. There is nothing there I need.
guest
I wanted to be but never worked out tat way
rose / 791 posts
I always want to stay friends with my ex’s, but it’s never worked out properly. I talk to most of them occasionally – we’ll message each other to catch up or chat occasionally on Facebook, but they’re not proper friendships and I don’t think they ever will be.
guest
Let’s not take lessons about life from celebrities. Remember that they HAVE to be civil with each other, otherwise it starts a bunch of gossip.
I say nay, in all but the most casual of relationships.
guest
Unless we started as friends, I can’t be their friend. I am good friends with one of my exes. We still hang out, talk & stuff (mainly cause he hangs out with a lot of my friends). Our break up was mutual (he had strong feelings for me but I couldn’t reciprocate those feeling back so we decided it was for the best). However, I just found out from one of my girl friends that his girlfriend of a year is now uncomfortable with any girl he hangs out or is alone with (whether it’s his girl friends or exes). As my girl friend, he is “pussy whipped” though I feel bad for him cause she makes him choose between his friends and her [kinda pisses me off too since I still do see him a good friend..but don't want to get involved cause it'll get misconstrued as something else]. She told me that he even had to lie to his girlfriend about her being over at his house to hang out since she is jealous of every one of his girl friends (he has quite a few), especially me (I guess mine’s make sense but still…there’s a reason I’m HIS FRIEND and NOT girlfriend.) Sorry had to rant about it
guest
I think it depends on the break up and the people. Even though our break up was mutual, I could never be friends with my ex. I just can’t trust him. If I can’t trust someone I can’t have them in my life at all.
guest
By the way, doesnt this belong in datingish? not lovelyish>?
guest
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. I’d rather eat my heart out and buy a bunch of cupcakes.
guest
My last boyfriend that I broke up with (four years ago, before I met my current boyfriend) and I just recently started talking on facebook, and I thought we were becoming friends. He started flirting and kept telling me that he missed me blablabla and I told him that I’m not interested in him that way anymore. Yesterday, he messaged me and was being nice so I was talking to him and he asked if he could call me, I told him that I didn’t want to talk on the phone because I had a migraine and, honestly I didn’t want to give him my new number because then he might get the wrong idea, and he FLIPPED out. He started being such a dick, this was his response to “I don’t really feel like talking on the phone right now, I have a killer headache.” was: “no I get it. today’s been all eye opening seeing who my real friends are. already kicked ten people out my life today. you don’t wanna talk on the phone fine idc. i don’t even know why i talk to you anyways, we probably shouldn’t even be friends its not like what i want ever mattered to you.”
Sooo, after that, I logged off facebook. If he wants to be a bitter asshole about something that happened FOUR YEARS AGO, then he can be. Idc. But, no, I don’t think ex’s can truly be friends. There’s always going to be some resentment between the two (depending how the relationship ended) and I think for some people there may be some leftover feelings and that just makes it awkward.
guest
I could never be friends with an ex- I don’t believe in it. On the other hand, I love Courtney Cox!
guest
One ex I am civil with. We will e-mail each other to wish happy holidays and such. Two exes I absolutely will not talk to anymore. I still talk to one ex, but even that is a bit weird, considering I now have a new boyfriend and I still have some residual feelings for the ex. I generally think it’s a bad idea.
guest
it’s good to hear that it IS possible to be still friends with your ex. especially with famous people like courtney cox.
rose / 980 posts
People who have children together should at the very least fake a friendship for the sake of their children. Other than that, people should do whatever they want.
guest
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guest
I’m still friends with one of my ex’s but it’s because were friends for years before we dated, and for about a yr we didn’t talk because of my screw ups. But if you’re not friends with someone before you date then I don’t see a reason to be friends after breaking up.
guest
I usually try to keep a strict rule about not getting attached in relationships so I don’t get too hurt to keep them as friends. I mean, I’m young, so what’s the problem with having fun? Plus… ex’s are great for booty call friends ;P
guest
HA. I am going to have to say with me, not it is not possible. But with others? Depends on how the relationship between the two people. No couple is the the same.
guest
I think you can be friends because your mature enough to know that you aren’t meant for each other. Friendships are sometimes even better than relationships.
guest
I personally find that after my breakup my ex and I become better friends. I guess because the pressure of impressing them that you don’t see the other layers of that person. No matter the reason why we broke up I rather not stay bitter, maybe at first but with time it does fade away. Sometimes two people may not work out now but who knows down the line it may work out, it’s all in the timing i believe.
guest
Being friends with your ex is perfectly fine. Actually being friends with the ex depends on the kind of people you two are and the circumstances in which you two broke up. Some people just won’t be able to be friends because they can’t move past the memories or the ill feelings or because one or both still has some sort of feelings for the other. Others just need time. My second boyfriend and I broke up on good terms and have stayed friends without any problems. We still see each other from time to time and have always got along. My last boyfriend hated me for a while because he still had feelings for me and wanted to stay together while I was the one who wanted to end the relationship. It’s been almost two years since our break up and while it’s still a bit awkward, we’re both civil to one another though we haven’t seen each other since we ended. I am happy to say that I’m still friends with each and every one of my exes.
guest
I am friends with one of my ex’s. Every ex I’ve had dumped me and came crawling back eventually, which kinda screwed up the whole friends thing. Except the one who is still my friend, because I was like stop this nonsense, don’t mess up a nice friendship haha
guest
My last ex and I have known each other for something like 10 years. We dated for eight months, but it got pretty deep pretty quickly because we knew each other so well. After we broke up he said that and I said “give me a month”. So he gave me a month and then we went back to being friends. It was hard. It still is hard sometimes. But it’s working out. He’s one of my very best friends.
guest
It depends if your ex is over you or not. It works if both are (or can act like it forever) on the same page. Friendship is a beautiful thing!
guest
It definitely depends on which ex. For instance, my 8th grade boyfriend and I are still best friends. I mean, our relationship hardly counted as it was so… Why not?
guest
One, I couldn’t handle being friends with. Another, I just didn’t care to be friends with. Currently, I think I could maintain a friendship with him if we were to ever break up even though it would be hard.
orchid / 160 posts
I was devastated when my first bf broke up with me, and I didn’t take it well. Eventually we started talking again, but we’re not close or anything, just acquaintances. Since him, I’m pretty much at least cordial acquaintances with all my exes or even past flings. I just don’t hold grudges and let it go easily. I do get it annoyed and hold it against them if they’re dicks to me, but I just bitch about it and roll my eyes. Some of them, I’m still good friends with.