Lovelyish

I agree with you. I am also a realist, especially about marriage.

My fiance and I love each other and want to spend our lives together, that’s the reason we’re getting married.

We’ve chosen to get married in a way that’s not traditional. (because we’re not religious and because we want it to be about us) We’re having a destination wedding in Bermuda, spending about $10,000 in total (including rings, a dress/tux, airfare, hotel, rental car, a photographer, flowers, wedding planner, officiant, etc…. as well as our honeymooon – since we’re already going to be there, we’ll just stay a little longer!

I feel like people who are so concerned with how much money they spend, what brand of clothing they wear, etc… are more concerned with the idea of marriage and what people think about them. But they should be thinking about their future husband, their relationship and the best way for them to marry.

I agree with you that too many people are forgetting the reason we get married in the first place and that is obvious by the increasing divorce rate.

Thank you for posting this! People don’t take marriage seriously anymore and it is very disconcerting.

@lttlegel - Your wedding sounds awesome.

My husband and I got married because we love each other. We genuinely, wholeheartedly, unconditionally love one another. Shows like that are purely for good ratings and seek out the worst of the worst. While marriage has lost some of its value, I wouldn’t really base it off the show. People will do anything for money.

Thanks!

The best part is it’s me and him! There won’t be any worrying about what other people think, whether they like what we’re doing/how we’re doing it/what I’m wearing, the way I do my hair/accessories/or any other details. It’s really just us and I think it’s incredibly romantic and stress free to do it that way.

Anybody who drops thousands of dollars on plastic surgery just to get married needs psychological therapy and counseling for body issues, not a walk down the aisle.

We’re not having a ceremony.We’re just going right for the certificate. Sure, we’ll make ourselves look nice and have friends and family involved. But, we don’t have a desire or a need to make it a spectacle. We pretty much see it as we really want to stick together for a long time so we may as well get the legal benefits.

While I have not seen that show, it does sound like SOME people have the wrong idea about weddings, but I don’t feel all people have the wrong idea.  While it is good to look your best on your wedding, I would say that plastic surgery is going overboard.  (I still find makeup and push up bras to be acceptable bridal accessories.)  I think if most people spent at least as much effort on their relationship as they do their wedding, I think more people would stay married.  Don’t get me wrong, we had our dream wedding, but in the end, I am so glad I married my best friend, and we encourage other to be the best person we can be together AND individually.  I love wedding details: the clothes, decorations, menus, etc, but it gets me so mad when I see the wedding planning shows where the brides are freaking out because they can’t get a certain flower or type of decoration, or that they have to change an aspect of their party because the option was too expensive and flip out on their fiance.  Now, those women have forgotten why they were getting married in the first place.  These women, and the plastic surgery brides, are concerned about appearances, not the marriage.

@lttlegel - Sounds like a wonderful plan  It sounds so personal and meaningful.  Best wishes!
@Ailean@xanga - I agree.

@babybug329@xanga - @Ailean@xanga

Thank you both!

I’m so excited and I hope it is as wonderful and special as we plan it to be, but I can’t imagine why it wouldn’t be

I got a lot of flack from my comment I left on a similar Datingish article, but I will still give my honest opinion here. I mean to each their own when it comes to weddings, I see no problem with someone having a small ceremony or even no ceremony at all. In fact, my parents are simply common-law married and they have been together and very much in love for over 20 years. Even marriage is unnecessary for a meaningful and long-lasting partnership (although you get certain financial benefits from marital status).
However, I want a dream wedding. Do I want to go bankrupt over it? No. But I am willing to possibly extend my engagement one day when I get to that stage of my life in order to save up money for the wedding. I am planning on having a backyard reception though, which should help the cost. I got a lot of crap when I stated on Datingish that I wanted a dream wedding, and was told that I am the kind of person that makes the divorce rate high. Apparently I am a bad person for wanting a beautiful celebration of love and joy, when in reality, one of the main reasons I want a big dream wedding is because for the past twenty years, the only thing that brings my family together is funerals. I’d much rather bring my family together for something happy. An additional reason, is that my family has a lot of traditions having to do with weddings that go back a hundred years and I would love to continue them on. So go ahead and give me more hate for this ;].

As a sidenote, I’d like to add that I do not understand the show Bridalplasty. Didn’t these women’s husbands fall in love with them for how they already looked?

When i read tha title of tha blog I thought it would be about tha celebrity marriages that last less than a month or w/e with an issue of gay marriage..

Any who, that’s all superficial..it should be based on exchanging vows with the one you love and having people you care about being there.  Yes, you do want to feel beautiful when you walk down tha aisle, but going to extremes to achieve your ideal look isn’t necessary.

Yes, I agree with you.  It’s like the wedding is more important than the actual marriage.  While I’m all for having a beautiful, classy ceremony, in the end, it’s just that: a ceremony.  

Many people nowadays only care about the wedding.  It’s just a show. They don’t give two shits for the actual marriage.  I’m sorry but having plastic surgery isn’t going to in any way prepare you for all the struggles and challenges of a lifelong marriage.  It’s stupid, and degrades how sacred and important marriage is.  It is afterall, the foundation of the family, which is the foundation of society.  When marriage crumbles, the children, and therefore the future and the rest of society has to suffer for it.

i’m old school when it comes to marriage, i will only marry if i love him and he loves me back.  and the person i marry will be the only one person i marry.  nothing superficial.

I’m probably one of the few coworkers who do have a strict view about marriage/dating.  All of my coworkers are always bragging about the girls they slept with last night and stuff. They’re always asking me: “You got a girlfriend?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

Then I usually say “Because I’m not ready for it yet.” 

I know most of my coworkers are atheist or not devout, but shouldn’t they realize you should date someone only with the intention of marrying?  Don’t they know dating/marriage requires alot of responsibility and sacrifice?

TV reality shows will suck your faith out of all humanity. 

@Shytooth@xanga - It’s one thing to have/want a dream wedding and plan accordingly so you can afford it (good!) it’s something else all together to go to extremes and have a “dream” wedding you can’t afford (bad!) It sounds like you’re in the “good” category

@happyobligations@xanga - Agreed.

Weddings are amazing experiences and they should be something special but right now there are just too many bad role models in the wedding/marriage arena. Wasn’t “The Swan” another one of those makeover shows before a wedding? And what about “The Bachelor” or “The Bachelorette”? And how can we forget the Kardashian “wedding”???

@Shytooth@xanga - You should definitely have your dream wedding, if you and your spouse choose to.  Wanting a dream wedding does not mean you value the wedding more than the marriage, I think it is possible to value both highly.  I know my husband and I do.  I think lots of people gave you trouble for your opinion because they believe dream weddings = expensive, shallow gesture.  Your dream wedding can be relatively inexpensive, but have special meaning and be thoughtful, to be shared with people you love for a joyous reason.  Best wishes

i’m more practical about marriage. i’d much rather skip the whole church thing ang just tie the knot in front of a judge. but somehow, getting married in our country and culture is more about pleasing the parents and relatives and sticking to traditions than celebrating your love for each other… 

@happyobligations@xanga - This. ):

 ..”worst thing in the world”..

The root of the problem can be found in that statement. People don’t, generally, know what the worst thing in the world is. They can’t recognize it, and it’s right inside them. Self-centeredness.

If marriage were really about the future, people wouldn’t be spending tens of thousands of dollars on humongous weddings, $5,000+ bridal gowns, etc.  Everyone would stand before someone who could legally marry them, with the witness(es) of their choice, exchange vows, and be pronounced married.  In attendance would be all the people who MATTER to them, not every Tom, Dick and Jane they have ever met or brushed elbows with.

The reception would be simple and all the money saved would be spent on a wonderful honeymoon.

I got married in a $200 dress in front of my fireplace with 50 of my closest friends and family in attendance, we had simple fare (luncheon) for food for the reception which was held in my finished basement (including parquet dance floor and mirror ball) and then my husband and I were able to afford a 2-week cruise for our honeymoon.

If the best you can do for a marriage is have a spectacular wedding, the marriage is doomed.  Have a MARRIAGE you’ll cherish forever, not a WEDDING you’ll cherish forever.

love the idea of tattooed wedding rings

Something worth remembering is that just because some other people seem to care more about the wedding than the commitment, doesn’t mean you will do the same.

People have always gotten married for a variety of reasons, having a varying level of commitment/feelings for each other.

You’re definitely not a cynic, haha. Pretty sure 90% of people (who are sane & healthy) would agree that blowing your cash solely on your physical appearance rather than spending it on a honeymoon is absurd.

For me, a dream wedding would be backpacking around the globe with my partner, getting tattoed rings and getting hitched at a random chapel in some random second world country.

@SherylM@xanga - I love the idea of saving up for a nice honeymoon instead of a wedding ceremony!

 
I often feel that over-the-top ceremonies are meant to impress other people, meanwhile the bride and groom get lost in it all. No matter if you have a wedding planner or not, often the bride & co. is portrayed as having so much stress, even on the wedding day! You’re so busy with re-doing make-up, countless photo ops, checking on the status of this or that, mingling with the 150+ guest list, etc. (I had a fancy 15th birthday party – a Hispanic tradition – but I barely got to enjoy it with all of the commotion!) If I am to spend money on celebrating my marriage, I’d rather have a low-key ceremony and then a really nice honeymoon!

As a married woman, I am in total agreement with you. I dated my husband for 3 years before I told him it was okay for him to ask me to marry him. We were then engaged for an additional year and I waited till after graduating with my BA to do it.  That being said, I had alot of time to think about marriage and the wedding, etc. It was super small with only close family members that we felt were supportive of us and our relationship. 

Mark and I did alot of soul searching those 4 years. We gave ourselves adequate time to reach personal and professional goals before starting our journey together. Marriage is certainly not for the faint of heart, but just because you don’t get married doesn’t mean the relationship will last either. Anytime you commit to a long term and mutually exclusive relationship, you’re putting yourself in someone else’s hands. 

Obviously, the ceremony itself was NOT the highlight for us, so I cannot relate to these women at all. I was  not like most women who thought about their wedding and walking down the aisle….that was not my thing. What was important to me was learning to be in a healthy and substantial relationship–the one my mom never had with my father. And I found it; so the dress was gorgeous, the cake was delicious, and the champagne was bubbly, but years from now, the only thing that I intend on remembering and cherishing is that moment when we promised for better for worse.
We meant it.

Most women are so caught up in GETTING married that they forget that it’s BEING married that matters.  Perfect example: Kim Kardashian.  Jennifer Lopez.  Katy Perry.  Elizabeth Taylor… May I continue?  I don’t plan on having an over the top wedding.  If it was up to me, I’d just go down to the courthouse and get it done, but my parents vowed to disown me if I didn’t have some sort of ceremony, so I have to do something.  Any two people can walk down an aisle and say I do.  Not everyone can make a marriage work.  And marriage is just that – work!  I have been engaged twice, and both times I came dangerously close.  My first engagement, we had planned everything and were a few days away from putting a deposit down on a venue.  My second engagement, we actually went down to the court house but didn’t sign the certificate because he fell asleep during the paperwork process.

I agree, the view on marriage today is not what it should be.
It really is about finding someone to spend your life with, not someone who will look good next to you for a brief time then when you’re sick of them you get rid of them. Marriage is not a toy that you can just put aside when you do not want to play with it or constantly get new ones.

I don’t like how it seems that as many people are getting divorced like so little time after getting married.

@Shytooth@xanga - No hate, and I can’t understand why others would hate on you for this either.  There’s a difference between wanting a dream wedding WHEN you get married, and finding a husband ONLY for the dream wedding.  If you’re looking for a man simply for the wedding, then that’s a problem.  But if you know that, when you find the one, you want to celebrate it for all its worth with all your friends and family- I can’t hate on you for that and neither should anyone else.  Weddings are spectacular fun and, for a lot people, they are the most amazing day of their lives.  EVERYONE is entitled to a day that is as amazing, in whatever way, as they want it to be.  Big or small, home or away- it doesn’t matter how you do it, what matters is why. 

@Shytooth@xanga - Aw, gurl, no hate here. As I always say, “to each their own.” If it’s what you want to do, do it.

Oh gosh. I imagine my wedding to be cheap but elegant. I might have it on our family farm since it’s spacious & by then I will possibly have everything built.. but basically I want a TON of flowers (I’ll grow them myself if I have to) just absolutely everywhere.. & after we say “I do” we’ll ride away on horseback. Or something like that.

However, I am NOT getting married if I can’t imagine the rest of my life with that person. I get bored wayyyy too easily.