It’s no surprise that the modern woman has a complicated relationship with food. We’re supposed to maintain certain bodies, but no one wants us to diet too much or or eat when we’re hungry. If you’re on Pinterest or Tumblr, you’re probably familiar with the Kate Moss thinspo quote “Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.” Many will disagree, and some days, I do… but sometimes I find myself fighting with the dark truth behind this uncomfortable quotation.
I have had a difficult relationship with food for pretty much as long as I can remember. Through about my freshman year of high school, I was constantly convincing everyone that I didn’t have an eating disorder by shoving entire pizzas down my throat and eating all of the brownies in the pan by myself. By my sophomore year, I was so busy with my extra-curriculars, that I forgot to eat most days. As a fine arts kid, I spent a lot of time scrutinizing my body, whether in mirrors during choir or on stage during play rehearsals.
By time I started college, I had a completely warped perception of my body. They say to eat for the body you want, but I wasn’t eating at all. When I eventually started to pass out frequently, I realized that I literally had to eat something in order to keep my body running. Unfortunately, my eating habits have never really recovered and I have a constant struggle with choosing the right things, and more importantly, right reasons to eat.
I am notorious for feeling like I’m entitled to eat something because I’ve earned it. Did I go to all of my classes today? Maybe I finished a big project at work. Probably, I’m cramping and didn’t complain too much to my boyfriend about it, so now I get to eat a giant bowl of ice-cream with every topping I can find. And a pizza bagel. Also fries. Maybe a box of Pop-Tarts. By time I’m done eating, I feel like I’ve punished myself more than rewarded myself.
So then I don’t eat. I don’t like how I look or feel after I binge, so I try to make up for it by abstaining altogether. Rather than pacing myself, eating when I’m hungry or preparing smaller portions, I cut myself off because I’m convinced that I’ve done a bad thing and, in result, don’t deserve to eat.
Being a part of the blogging community, I feel there is a lot of support and encouragement for healthy lifestyles. Not only do I see so much body peace in the fashion blogs I read that show women dressing like a million bucks, regardless of their body type, but bloggers really love to eat. I never expected to find so many recipes on beauty and culture blogs, but everyone seems to want to share their cooking and baking techniques. I super appreciate this because I, myself, cannot cook, but I am motivated to learn from these awesome women who I admire for so many reasons.
What is your relationship like with food? What do you think about food as a reward or punishment? What does a “healthy lifestyle” look like to you?