It feels like all of my Facebook friends are getting hitched. Almost every time I log in there’s a new heart icon staring me in the face, proudly declaring a couple’s intent to wed. So I was surprised to hear the news that the number of people saying “I do” is drastically declining; only 51 percent of US adults are currently married. It seems the institution that once defined stereotypical American life may soon become a choice of the minority.
According to the Pew Research Center, marriage dropped 5 percent in 2010. Like many other declining statistics, this number can be attributed to the failing economy. Weddings are expensive, and most couples are probably more concerned with paying the rent than tying the knot. And with cohabitation more socially acceptable, they may as well skip buying the cow and stick to getting free milk. It also seems that people of all ages, not just the expected young couples, feel this way. According to NPR, “half a century ago, nearly 60 percent of 18- to 29-year-olds were married. Today, it’s just 20 percent. But the Pew report finds fewer married people across all age groups.”
While these numbers can be attributed to lifestyles like single motherhood (40 percent of US births are to unmarried women!), most people, especially college-educated ones, are getting hitched at later ages. This means that while marriage rates may be declining, the institution probably isn’t disappearing; it’s likely just being delayed. And ladies, for every year you delay putting a ring on it, you reduce your chances of divorce! [via NPR]
Kate Bolick recently wrote an intriguing article about about how, “it’s time to embrace new ideas about romance and family — and to acknowledge the end of ‘traditional’ marriage as society’s highest ideal.” She has a point; now that women are able to be self-sufficient in the job market, there’s no way that the past ideal of a nuclear family (and how it should function) can be maintained. Instead of focusing on how to preserve the traditional institution of marriage, society should instead focus on how to adapt our notions of it to ensure plenty of future wedded bliss.
What do you think of the marriage decline? Do you intend on getting married someday?
guest
I think it is great that people are no longer feeling the pressure to make a lifestyle choice that is not for them. I am married, but I would rather be single than to get married just because people expect me to be married I can’t see myself settling for someone that is just good enough or that I can tolerate.
guest
I could see myself married, but I think I’d rather just be with someone and not get married. I honestly haven’t given too much thought to it though.
guest
In my personal experience, guys just don’t feel like growing up, so even if women have a desire to get married, they don’t have the opportunity. Guys are selfish beings and don’t care enough to make a commitment.
orchid / 191 posts
Nah. I don’t think I could be with someone longer than a couple of years, really. I’d get bored. I need some variety, thank you very much.
Not to mention all the legal shit that goes with marriage. I’ll pay a little more in taxes not to have to deal with that, LOL!
guest
i could see myself getting married… but it’s not an ideal on its own.
i’ve seen enough terrible marriages to know that i’d rather be alone all my life, than to be stuck with someone who makes me miserable. there is nothing noble about staying in an unhappy relationship. if anything, it shows how little you respect yourself. AND, it shows how selfish you are… you’d rather keep your spouse with you, even if they’re unhappy, rather than let them find happiness with someone else.
guest
My husband and I got married fast but with all we’ve been through, everyone is sure we’ll last. We’re planning on it. I wanted it all and I almost have everything I wanted. I couldn’t care less what other people do or expect me to do, it’s just not in my nature to care about other peoples’ lives. A lot of my friends are divorced, even at my age but just as many are happily married (or seem to be).
sunflower / 350 posts
I don’t know, I’ve never ever wanted to get married, but as I’ve grown up, I’ve realized that not all marriages are bad, so it’s cool if that’s what you want. It’s a personal choice. I just see no reason to get it all on paper, plus I don’t really see myself as a lifer. To each their own!
guest
I may or may not get married. It’s not a huge priority to me at this point in my life and even if it never is it’s not a big deal. People tried to push this stereotypical lifestyle on people and we are finally realizing that it’s just not for everyone. Same with having kids. I am happier focusing on obtaining the career I want and using the rest of my time to personally improve.
guest
I definitely want to get married one day. I agreed with one of the above comments about mens belief in marriage. Most guys I have met/ dated/ or befriended are not into marriage or simply say they’re too young… though they’re in their late twenties! So for me… I believe in marriage and want to be married one day… it’s just mighty difficult to find a man who WANTS marriage/ can commit. Disappointing.
guest
negatory. while it may be nice i don’t think that i will ever find anyone out there that doesn’t find me repulsive.
guest
I guess I’ve just always seen myself as becoming a wife and mother someday. Fortunately, I’ve found a guy who wants the same things and has the same views on gender roles that I have.
Marriage has its own specific characteristics as a relationship. Not everyone is going to value these characteristics. It all depends on the person. I’m glad that people aren’t feeling as pressured to get married because it means lower divorce rates and happier people.
sunflower / 382 posts
Maybe if gays can get married, sure.
guest
Number one reason for divorce, selfishness. In one or both of the members.
guest
@OrchidBlossom31@xanga - Watching my family, it has been the other way around. I guess it is somewhere in the middle, meaning that it is an issue of men and women being selfish.
rose / 791 posts
I think it’s good that people aren’t marrying young anymore. People need to learn to live independently and to cope on their own before they settle down. If you go straight from mummy and daddy’s house to marriage, how are you going to have developed any of the proper life skills that are necessary for marriage?!
guest
@iKevinL@xanga - <3
guest
I would have been happy with or without marriage; just as long as I get to spend these moments that we are granted together, I don’t care. <3
guest
I think the social acceptance of divorce is just as, if not more, influential than any cultural shift against the idea of marriage itself (as unnecessary because of cohabitation, and the like). It’d be interesting to look at the statistics according to “never BEEN married” as opposed to the historical ones. I’d assume there is still a significant difference in the modern day, but nowhere near as drastic as the 60/20 stat quoted for the 18-29 age group.
I have noticed there is a certain group of people holding opinions about the institution, particular the emotional bits they find connotated with the word, without taking the time to personalize THEIR particular marriage or potential of marriage with their certain partner. I read up and down on lovelyish/datingish how every couple is different, every relationship has its perks… everytime somebody makes a generalization, even a slight one, in a topic, the first dozen comments will have several people jump on the OP for that generalization, citing the uniqueness of individual relationships. Then people wish to talk about marriage like it is exactly the same for each couple, and state a list of pros and cons that are based on generalizations from other marriages they’ve seen. Seems a bit contradictory.
As far as the legal bit goes, I’d be fine if the state washed their hands of the entire mess (as some of the tax codes have suggested doing), and left the decisions as to marriage/divorce/separation and whatnot to the individual ethics of the participants, signed power-of-attorneys, and faith or moral based institutions. It seems the simplest solution to “modernize” the idea, as the OP suggests. You want to get married? Take it up with your pastor or your fiancee as to what that is going to mean to you, and then go to a lawyer and get a contract written up with the exact terms you define. We eliminate the “one-size-fits-all” problem while at the same time forcing new couples to invest personal time and thought, and likely difficult shared decisions, before making a giant commitment.
guest
Marriage is like saying, “Hey, I love you so much that I want to potentially ruin your life via wedded bliss.”
guest
Women have more rights & more employment opportunities now than they did a half century ago (1960′s). This is why more women felt like they had to get married young back then than they do in today’s society. Women stayed in bad marriages back then just b/c they knew that if they got divorced, they knew that it would be a strain on them financially.
I agree with you about why more women are delaying marriage
guest
I intend to marry the guy I’m with now. We’ve been together over 3 years, he’s 26 and I’m 25. However, we both agreed that before we get engaged, we need to have decent jobs and a place to live. He has a few job opportunities out where I live, and may be moving soon, and it looks likely that I’ll be signing a contract to teach full time starting in September. Then we’ll get an apartment, and once all that is squared away, hopefully we’ll get engaged. I don’t want to get married just for the sake of being married though, I want to marry this guy because he’s my significant other and best friend, and I could see us being happy together for a long time.
guest
I plan on being married one day. My current SO and I are still too young, in our opinion, and though we’ve talked about it before we plan on waiting till we’ve finished college. If we’re still together by the time that happens, I don’t see why it couldn’t work out
guest
There aren’t too many weddings going on among my facebook group but there are a whole lotta pregnancies. I always saw myself as a mum & never the career driven type but lately I’m just focused on my profession. I’m kind of starting to not believe in love. For myself, at least. Maybe some people just aren’t meant to get married.