There comes a time in a woman’s life where she may make the decision to become a mother. Now becoming a mom by no means rids a woman of her sex appeal or individuality, but as a parent there are basic rules and regulations that you should feel inclined to adhere to. You aren’t a hot poster on a teenage boys wall anymore, you’re a timeless beauty, a Princess Diana, and it’s time to channel your class and start acting like it. But if you’re not going to do it for yourself, then good lord do it for the children.
1. Dina and Lindsay Lohan. These two are top notch examples of symbiotic embarrassment. In fact, their relationship deeply disturbs me, because it’s not just a friendship, it’s a creepy, money mongering sister-sister act. Honestly, I’m not even sure what’s going on with the other Lohan daughter, aside from the obvious fact that Dina has her chained up inside of a cupboard and occasionally throws in handfuls of iceberg lettuce for her to snack on. Another stellar comparison to the Lohans would be the Kardashians, but they’re an embarrassment to not only each other but to the world so let’s leave them out of this.
2. Courtney Love and Frances Bean Cobain. It would have been nice to find a more recent photo of Courtney Love and her daughter Frances Bean Cobain, but since Frances has evidently been so offended and embarrassed by her mother’s actions, the two don’t have much of a relationship to account for, at least in photos.
When Frances was 17, she took out a restraining order and requested to be removed from her mother’s care, making her paternal grandmother and aunt her legal guardians. Courtney has repeatedly aired dirty laundry between her and her daughter on Twitter, making their private disputes even more publicly humiliating. Have a look at dozens of psychotic Courtney Love Tweets at Celebitchy.com
3. Janice Dickinson and her kids. Janice Dickinson not only says and wears scandalous things, but she’s sort of a horrible person. So I guess that also constitutes familial embarrassment.
4. Demi Moore and her offspring. Demi, you’ve got three daughters, one of whom is closer in age to your (ex-) husband than you are, and you feel the need to post bikini shots of yourself on Twitter. If this was my mother, regardless of her level of fitness and beauty, I would be eternally mortified for not only myself, but for her.
When I’m 49… or 24, I’ll be lucky if I have the cash, time and resources to look as good as Demi. However, this is the sort of photo a Myspace-obsessed preteen would take, only to have it reported and removed for violating the anti-pedophilia terms of the website. Point being, if it’s inappropriate and juvenile to snap a bikin clad shot of a high school freshman, then it certainly isn’t any more appropriate for a mom pushing 50 to do so.
Warning: This video is so embarrassing you may recoil and turn to stone at the very sight of it.
Maybe and that’s a big maybe, Demi is a big fan of Snoop Dogs music. OK, I’ll entertain the possibility of it. But I am calling bulls**t on a 49-year-old woman feeling the urge to convulse on stage for a live performance of Strip Tease 2.
5. Madonna and co. Stop this Madonna. What in the world do you have in common with a 24-year-old boy named Brahim Zaibat. In fact, at 53, why would you want to have anything in common with a 24-year-old boy? You have wisdom, knowledge, children, divorce, experience, loss and gains. He has X-box and Miller Light, and by now, heaps of your cash stashed somewhere in his 53 year old mom’s basement.
And for those of you who would like to retort with, “Men date younger women, but when women date younger men it’s considered ‘wrong’!” Well here’s my preemptive response to that: it’s wrong regardless, and I expect women to know better because they’re smarter than men. Boom, lawyered.
6. Jennifer Lopez and the twins. Spoiler Alert! I’m about to talk smack about Jennifer Lopez. So for all you Jenny from the block lovers out there, avert your eyes.
We get it Jennifer, you look good. Even though in this particular shot you look like something a rest stop trucker would buy with a Twinkie and a bag full of crystal meth. The fact is, you’re a 42-year-old mother to twins. Have a glass of water, a couple of Tums and pull yourself together.
Here we go again. J.Lo in a black lace onesie, gyrating and hyper-extending her lower back to remind us she’s still got a big, firm, desirable booty despite having two twins. Again, got it! You look incredible and not just “for your age.” As a beautiful 42 year old mom, there’s no shame in embracing that role as opposed to whatever role… this is.
What other embarrassing celebrity parents can you Lovelies think of? Got any good stories of your own to share?