Lovelyish

I find this pretty disturbing

Thats disgusting!  I’m glad they pulled it.  Taking advantage of someone’s vulnerability is just as wrong as forcing her when she is coherent.

I hope the a-holes who thought this was a good idea get beaten with a stick.

Every girl should be aware that there are loser guys out there who’s plans are to get girls drunk and have sex with them. Don’t put yourself in that position where someone can take advantage of you due to your lack of impairment. 

Holy shit. Just looking at the ad, I would have thought it was some disturbing ad glamourizing the act of blaming victims in sexual abuse cases. What. The. Fuck.

When I first read the ad, I pretty much thought it was placing the blame on her, which made me disgusted, but now that I see what they were trying to do, they should of stated it differently like “Taking advantage of a drunk woman is just as bad as raping a woman,” (just as you have stated). Makes me wonder who the hell was responsible for reviewing this ad before publishing it…

I think it’s true. I don’t think it’s blaming the victims. it’s telling the truth that too much alcohol impairs the minds of everyone. And someone needs to be able to discern whether something’s a good idea or not. 

Fuck every idiot that thought of this. the end.

@redphoenix23@xanga - I agree. It should have been worded that way & with a much better picture. This was just tactless.

I think the important thing that is often overlooked here is the idea that people should be responsible with drinking *not let themselves get to a point where their judgment is impaired* by either side. Taking advantage of someone else when they are drunk is never ok, and neither is victim blaming. But my point is, when a person consumes enough booze, they lose control. They are no longer in their right state of mind. It is your choice on whether or not you want to participate in activities with people who are in that state. It’s not a matter of blame or victim…it’s a matter of not being a dumbass with your liquor and staying in control over your judgment and staying away from those with impaired judgment. 

As a victim of rape, this ad sickens me. I have already gone through a hard period of blaming myself for what happened, and I am glad to say that I have been able to move past that. But, for the victim who is not at the same stage of recovery, seeing this ad could be a HUGE step backward for them. 

I understand the message it was trying to say; it is better to not place yourself in the situation in the first place by not allowing yourself to become so intoxicated you cannot make proper decisions. Sure, I can agree with that. But, the way that they decided to word it, makes it seem as though because she did let herself get too drunk, she deserve to get raped, which is NEVER true. 
Most importantly, this ad is making the assumption that not saying “no” means “yes.” I hope everyone knows that the ONLY “yes” is a “yes.” 
This really ruined my day…

@xhalesx@revelife - Yeah but, nowhere in the large print does it mention alcohol. At all. And who would want to go up and read the smaller print on something like this? So clearly it’s far more likely to be assumed to be something unrelated to alcohol and promoting victim-blaming and making sexual assault cases seem less problematic than they are.

@Patricia Sanderson Gill@facebook - I don’t think that the issue is that it is disturbing, because I agree with you that PSA’s dealing with this kind of issue should be disturbing. The day that it stops being disturbing is the day the battle is lost. The issue is that the image being presented and the message do not coincide. The image is blaming the victim, which the biggest part of the ad that most people will see, while the message in fine print that only a handful in comparison will read is saying something different. Though the point is to shock the realization into people, a certain level of tactfulness when dealing with this issue should also be expected.

@ashleynicole - It’s marketing. The whole point of marketing is trying to catch your attention and then telling you what they are really trying to tell you. Was it harsh? Yea. But in the end they got their point across. They didn’t leave the alcohol out completely.

I am not offended by it, honestly

You know, this could have been a powerful message if they worded it properly. They could have said something like, don’t let you friends’ drinking get out of control, or else. They also could have said, some people take advantage of drunk people. How hard is it to use your brain?

OK, so what if the girl got pregnant or had an STD and the guy was
now ridden with lifelong communicable disease or has to change the path
of his entire life due to an unexpected child, and the girl was a
terrible person who he had no intention of maintaining a relationship
with let alone financially supporting?

I’ve had one-night stands I
might’ve regretted for life if I’d had bad luck and one of the above
things happened to me. Luckily it didn’t. Most times I was way, way
drunker than the girl, and that’s how it is more often than not in my
experience. It takes two to tango and bad judgment is a two-way street.

…The fuck?

@LoneDarkness@xanga - I concur with everything you said.

Guys have sex under the influence too, and thus wouldn’t be able to consent. Two drunk people having sex in inherently mutual rape, but you’ll still see people blaming the guy and calling him a rapist. I don’t think this ad was “blaming” the victim; it communicated the fact that alcohol impairs judgement and can put you in nasty situations.

I can see where they are coming from. ‘Don’t over drink if you are not in a safe environment and can’t control yourself’ is good advice. 

This was poorly executed though.

I think it’s just bad phrasing. Obviously, the image has huge impact; they just need to be much more careful that it can’t be easily misinterpreted. Sometimes I wonder if these things are only approved by a couple people before they decide to go ahead and publish them…there should be an entire team, and maybe a neutral test audience to give opinions on it before they release it.
I don’t know. Maybe there was, and they still didn’t see the problem. That’s slightly disturbing.

I emailed them to complain about it. I’m glad they listened. I think if they tried a campaign focusing on illustrating what consent is, they’d actually get a message out rather than rehashing the tired idea of “don’t binge drink.” They’d get more attention with something new, and it would be more accurate. 

i think the ad gets the point across very well. shocking ads are in, aren’t they?

I don’t think it’s victim blaming at all.

I think people who blame the stupid things they do on alcohol are idiots. I’ve been drunk before and sure, I did stupid things because they seemed like a good idea, but I still knew “Hey, that guy’s a stranger” or “Hey, that’s my friend Melissa” or whatever. So yeah, you need to take responsibility for the fact that you got trashed and were idiotic enough to go home with a random guy. You COULD have said no. This ad is making it seem like the alcohol made it impossible for you to say no, but that’s not true. You could still have said no, I don’t care how drunk you are.
This isn’t to say that guys who take advantage of girls like this AREN’T to blame. I think girls put themselves in really stupid situations that enable sleazy guys to take control of them. Why are you on the sidewalk by yourself trashed as hell? Why aren’t you with your friends? How about if you’re going to go out and get drunk you have a plan and act like a responsible adult so you don’t put yourself in a situation like this. No, it is not entirely the girl’s fault, because it is NEVER okay for a guy to sexually take advantage of someone who is obviously too drunk to use logic, but the ad is implying that the girl really had no choice in what she did because she was too drunk.
How about you DON’T get so drunk that you lose control of your actions, or like I said, you have a plan with your friends when you go out so that you don’t get isolated and stuck in a sketchy situation? So many “bad decisions” are preventable.

I’ve never understood the desire to get so drunk that you’re stumbling around, making bad decisions, puking your guts out….etc. Why do people do that? Would someone like to enlighten me as to the appeal here? Maybe it’s the same logic as smoking cigarettes and laying in tanning beds, since I don’t see the appeal there either.
Unpopular opinion ftw?

i don’t think it’s victim-blaming.  i got drunk once, slept with someone, woke up and didn’t remember a damn thing.  did i regret it?  of course.  did i cry “RAPE!” and ruin the poor guy’s life for doing something i probably agreed to?  absolutely not.  yet, i’m sure many of you would consider that rape.  and i find that horribly pathetic and irresponsible.  i made a bad decision.  i’m not a victim.  and i damn well deserve to be blamed.

if you go out and get so wasted that you can’t control yourself or make the same decisions you’d make sober, it’s not someone else’s responsibility to watch you like a toddler.  

I really don’t think this ad meant to be offensive or even meant to say that drunk girls who can’t say “no” are asking for sex. It’s saying that you should keep yourself and your friends in control when drinking so that you DO have the ability to say “no” and not be so drunk that you don’t even know what’s going on until after it’s already over. The “she couldn’t say no” part means that she PHYSICALLY couldn’t say “no,” like she was so drunk that she had no idea what was happening. That’s the kind of drunk you don’t want to get, not even around good friends. You never know what may happen, and you never know people as well as you think you do.

People get way too overly offended i.e. 90% of the commenters on here.

I sympathize with those have gone through a horrific horrific circumstance such as rape, but people (not rape victims only) are looking too much into this. The point is just to say, don’t drink so much that you’re not in control over what happens to you- and to the other side of the party, you’re harming someone who is helpless. People are doin too much with going all out against it. I’m sure people can figure out the meaning of this message without reading so much into it like others. 

It’s an honest ad.  Yes, sometimes bad things happen that are out of your control.  However, if you go out and get totally trashed, that was your choice.  Despite the popular myth, you have control of your actions when drunk and if you choose to go home with someone you don’t know, that’s on your shoulders for making a stupid decision.  

If you make choices that cause you to be more vulnerable to robbery, assault, rape, whatever – you need to take responsibility for the bad choices you made and the role that they played in whatever unfortunate event happened.  Claiming that you’re not responsible in the slightest only promotes more people acting irresponsibly and ending up getting hurt.

@too_pretty_to_die@xanga - Thanks for being a responsible person – if only there were more people like you in society!

this isn’t victim blaming. it’s telling people to take responsibility for their actions and not to go out and get so drunk that they can’t remember what happened.

Meh, I think it is redundant. First I understand how someone who was drunk and got raped might understand this, and that it is indeed very hurtful.
sure there is a difference between rubbing that into the face of a person, and an advertisement. Point is, when you are drunken you put yourself at higher risk, because your decision making is impaired, and in this cruel world people DO take advantage of it. Should we deny that? No.
The reason why people drink is obviously not that they want to get raped, but I think that the advertiser thinks that they are blind for the risks, and young people possibly don’t know how cruel this world is.

However It’s not like the majority of people haven’t heard of this. Why are ads always like this?  (it’s at least my impression) …while I don’t think it’s a great idea to walk through dangerous places alone at night (if you can help it) the solution cannot be hiding from life either. How about some self-defense advertisements? You always need it.

I don’t think it’s blaming the victim I actually liked this ad campaign because of the shock factor. 

Whatever…

@lyrra_askavi@xanga - I see something very wrong with your logic there: ‘mutual rape’. Ummm. I think those two words together result in something like two negatives making a positive, soo…’not rape at all’ would probably be a better way to describe two people totally out of their minds drunk doing it.

@written_conversations@xanga - No its not, because then it would say something like ‘She doesn’t know what happened anymore than you do. Stay safe, don’t let your friends drinking get out of control’

This is a toughie for me. I think the PSA has a point, but did it completely wrong. I mean, there has to be a way to tactfully say “Don’t make yourself vulnerable to bad situations”. 

what. the. fuck.
as a rape vicim myself, this advertisement actually makes me want to punch whoever thought this to be a good idea in the face. clearly it was not well thought out.
the shit people will do for the sake of making a statement.

Why the fuck can’t there ever be anti-rape campaigns that say things like, “100,000 men will rape a woman this year” instead of just always saying “100,000 women will be raped this year”???  It forces the attention ON THE PERPETRATOR not the victim.  UGH victim blaming stuff makes me SO ANGRY.

I think you misunderstood the language of the ad. It wasn’t blaming the victim but rather saying that intoxication left her without the clarity to know how to escape the situation and give a forceful NO. It was warning friends to protect each other, not saying the girl deserved or earned what took place. I think your post is an example of people being so oversensitive to messages out in the media that they take everything out of context. Quit throwing stone before you understand.

Yeah I’ve been sexually assaulted but fail to see how this is oh so horribly offensive??

I feel like it depicts an unfortunate situation in which a girl is so drunk that a guy easily takes advantage of her. The ad advises young women not to go home with strangers and not to get black-out drunk because it makes them more vulnerable to predators, which is true.

Although in a majority of sexual assaults, the victim knows the perpetrator, we women should definitely still take precaution and avoid getting too drunk or going home with potentially dangerous men whom we don’t know.

…Where does it say “the girl should have known better or else she wouldn’t have gotten raped?”

@posterofagirlxx@xanga - Umm why is the wording so offensive to you? For example, if I were to make a poster warning parents how their children could be kidnapped if they didn’t hold the child’s hand (okay this is just theoretical), I would put in the title something like “Every 41 minutes, a child is kidnapped in the US. Do you know where your child is?” as opposed to “Every 41 minutes, an adult kidnaps a child.”

There is a difference. The first title makes a parent think about their child’s safety, how to protect them, how to avoid harm. The second title seems to imply that adults kidnapping children is bad, and we should find ways to stop adults from doing this.
True, with your wording, one implies that we should stop these men from even thinking of assaulting women, BUT it is difficult if not impossible to change a rapist’s mind with a poster. That requires a lot more complex plan of action. I believe the poster is attempting to raise women’s awareness of the dangers of alcohol and going home with strangers, so as to keep them safer.
It’s similar to the reminders my uni sends out to us to walk with a friend at night, to go home earlier, or to carry pepper spray. These reminders actually are specifically meant to lower the chances that we will be mugged, but they are similar to the advice the poster gives. No one seems to take offense to those reminders, however. They are not trying to prevent the muggers from mugging, but trying to prevent us from putting ourselves in potentially dangerous situations.

If you put yourself in a situation that you might be taken advantage of (such as being drunk, going home with a guy etc), no it is not your fault if you do get raped. But it doesn’t matter whose fault it is–you will have to live with the STDs/pregnancy/emotional turmoil that go along with rape. This ad is trying to send a powerful message to girls and remind us that we need to be smart and take precautions to avoid putting ourselves in vulnerable positions. I think it’s a great message.

This advertisement is disgusting. In my state, we have these anti meth ads all over, since Hawaii is one of the main states with a major meth problem. And these ads are actually really good. Better than any “above the influence” commercials and ads I’ve seen. WAY BETTER than this ad. I am definitely in favor of it getting pulled.

@Peppermint__Kisses@xanga - but other ads (at least here in England) DO say things like that and people don’t pay any attention to them. People need to be shocked to start paying attention. You can’t cry rape because you were too drunk to know what you were doing.

I don’t understand how this is being portrayed as victim blaming.  It’s a reminder to not impair yourself or let your friends make poor, endangering decisions. 

This whole Rape Culture phenomenon is interesting.  I agree that no one should have to live in fear of their physical well being, but it seems like people want to ignore reality here.  There are dangerous people in the world.  People who want to hurt you, rape you, kill you.  This is as much of a fact as saying that there are wild animals in the woods that can hurt you, kill you, eat you.  So if you’re to go out into a world that contains dangerous people, be aware.  If you go out into the woods, be aware.

@written_conversations@xanga - no but this ad isn’t about sending the message of who “can” and “can’t” cry rape. It’s about keeping drinking in control but it sends a louder, more controversial message instead of the one it is apparently intended for. And really it only targets female drinking, when male aggression as a result of excessive drinking is more of a problem in society than one too many drunk girls making ‘bad’ decisions. If anything it is just bad marketing, end of story.

a more accurate, much more common occurence…

“she said no.

he didn’t hear her.

she cried.

he thought she was moaning in pleasure.

she went silent.

he thought he’d satisfied her.

he was drunk.

he is in jail for the next 25 years.”

that’s what i see when i look at that picture…except the last sentence. that part isn’t common or accurate. but it should be.

@Peppermint__Kisses@xanga - ”male aggression as a result of excessive drinking is more of a problem in society than one too many drunk girls making ‘bad’ decisions” … you are correct. girls get too drunk and get silly and lethargic and taken advantage of. guys get too drunk and end up hurting people. it just sucks when the effects of alcohol destroy your future.

all that said, i don’t see this as blaming the victim. but it doesn’t depict a one-night stand, or a “bad decision.” this depicts rape. criminals pick people based on vulnerabilities. she could have been in the wrong place at the wrong time and gotten roofied. nowhere in the ad does it say that her rape was her fault, just that it happened and could not be described as anything other than rape. alcohol is a common weapon of choice in rape situations, either the rapist picks a drunken victim, or is drunk enough to overrun the will of another person without remorse.

(i am using gender stereotypes which always have exceptions.)

@LightBlue21@xanga - I agree, also as a victim of sexual assault, and having close friends who were also victims. Even after reading all of the angry comments, I still cannot understand how this is victim blaming. Apparently, the wording could have been chosen better (?) since so many people are complaining, but it was smart on their part to have the ad pulled to avoid further drama.

Seeing this ad reminded me of my friend who told me: “I was so high on drugs and petrified, that I couldn’t say ‘No.’” I do believe that victim-blaming is disgusting, but this is not victim-blaming. Everyone argues that we should educate men NOT to rape, but it’s just as important to educate women (and men) how to avoid such dangerous situations. I think this ad was trying to capture that.

@LightBlue21@xanga - It’s because it isn’t just a bunch of psychos going around raping people, it’s NORMAL men committing these crimes.  THAT is why.  Less than 10% of rapes occur the way people think of them- the “stranger” rape that happens late at night because the woman is walking home alone down a dark street.  55% of rapes occur in the context of a relationship, marriage, or by somebody they are in love with.  About 19% are by an acquaintance or someone the victim slightly knows.  Quit blaming women for going out of the house- start blaming men for being unwilling to keep it in their fucking pants.

About 2 months or so back… some girl I was subbed to was crying about being raped because she drunkenly sucked a dick she didn’t really want to suck. She. Willingly. Went into a private room with someone who told her he wanted to fuck her… then sucked on the dick. But claims it was rape because she’d been drinking.
So perhaps there are young ladies out there who need to be educated on the fact that having sex you wouldn’t normally have because you were drunk isn’t rape who would benefit from this ad.

You do stupid shit while you’re drunk. Suck it up. Take responsibility. If you don’t want to get “taken advantage of” because you’re “too drunk to say no”… don’t fucking drink that much.

I don’t think it’s victim blaming. It’s a fair warning to use your common sense: don’t be a dumbshit and drink so much you go home with people you don’t know and let them fuck you.

yeah, definitely not victim blaming. People need to accept the fact that people make bad decisions that put them in danger, and stop whining and complaining when someone else says “stop doing that”. I’ve seen a lot of people I care about, including women being raped because assholes like the people railing against this ad told them to keep doing the things they were doing accusing anyone trying to warn them of the dangers of “victim blaming”.  

when I see this ad, i don’t think of a woman who “asked for it”, I see a woman who was pressured into doing something she didn’t want to do because of the fear of rejection or fear of violence or retribution. honestly, I never even thought about alcohol until I read the fine print. what I find disturbing is that people like you insist on vilifying anyone who will speak up honestly about the fact that there are predators out there and women need to be on guard against them. 

This isn’t a victim blaming ad. It’s saying she was so intoxicated she couldn’t say no. Doesn’t that happen? Unfortunately, when you choose to drink so much you can’t think straight, bad stuff tends to happen.

@posterofagirlxx@xanga - Well…okay if you think rapists are “normal” people I can’t really change your mind about that.

Obviously the post is not targeting women who are raped by acquaintances and people they trust, even though that is more common. With that kind of rape it’s pretty impossible for a woman to take steps to protect herself. The poster doesn’t attend to that kind of rape.

So moving on, the poster is targeting potential victims of the “stranger” kind of rape. I didn’t blame the women. I was suggesting that there are steps women can take to protect themselves from being mugged, murdered, or raped by strangers. There are also steps that society can take to lower the number of men who would ever consider raping a woman. THEY ARE TWO SEPARATE THINGS.
Do you not understand that if you whine about victim blaming when someone says “here are steps women should take to lower their chances of being raped” you should also throw a fit when someone says “here are some steps men can take to avoid being murdered: 1) don’t hang out with murderers. 2) don’t hang out in Detroit alone at nighttime in your luxury car, unlocked. 3) don’t join a gang and quickly claim you were joining just for the ‘lulz’.”

Of course, people could cry, WHAT?! YOU’RE TELLING MEN TO STOP DOING ALL THESE THINGS JUST TO AVOID BEING MURDERED?!? STOP VICTIM BLAMING AND GET TO THE REAL ISSUE: THE MURDERERS.

Do you realize how silly you sound now? No one’s cautioning women to stay in their houses to avoid being raped. No one’s cautioning men to lock themselves in bomb shelters to avoid being murdered. Are you really going to start crying if I tell you that carrying pepper spray will make you less vulnerable to attacks by strangers because apparently it means that if you don’t carry pepper spray, being raped is your fault?
Stop sounding so weak.

@LightBlue21@xanga - I don’t think rapists are “normal”- I meant it in the context like, your everyday average man could be a rapist.  They aren’t all Ted Bundy type psychopaths.  That was my point.

This ad isn’t talking about stranger rape, this ad is talking about date/acquaintance rape.  Did you even read it? 
Telling women how to protect themselves is only half the battle- why
don’t they try to educate men on how to receive actual consent?

Carrying pepper spray might help in any type of rape scenario, but do we REALLY need to get to that point where every woman needs to carry pepper spray and a rape whistle just to go out?  Why can’t men just STOP raping women?  THAT is my point.  THAT is why victim blaming type sexual assault ads just DON’T WORK.  Men need to be educated how to NOT rape women- not JUST tell women how to protect themselves.

@posterofagirlxx@xanga - If you just have something against tips that help women lower their chances of getting attacked, then just say so.

Also, psychological counseling with professionals is actually extremely ineffective when it comes to people who commit sexual violence. Posters? Probably have less luck. If you’re so angry then design a program that can rehabilitate rapists.

@LightBlue21@xanga -  I never said I was against it, I simply said that it’s just half the battle, it’s redundant, it’s been done before etc etc etc and IT DOESN’T WORK.

I’m just trying to get people to see the issue from another perspective.  It seems like you’re just closed minded and trying to shut me down saying I’m just a poster.  Well, maybe if more people thought like me there WOULD be more sexual assault eduction that focused more on men and the gaining of consent.  I have a strong opinion about this and I will voice it- if it doesn’t work, WHY KEEP DOING IT THE SAME WAY?  Women have been warned for years and years to carry pepper spray, not walk alone etc etc and THEY STILL GET RAPED.  This kind of awareness simply doesn’t work.  I’m just calling for change.

PS How would you know that rehabilitation doesn’t work?  Experimental programs are being tried out at least in Canada to rehabilitate offenders.  My cousin was working on such a project with good results.  The US?  Not so much.  Not much public money goes into social services because the US doesn’t give a shit about it’s ordinary citizens, but that’s a rant for another day.

@posterofagirlxx@xanga - No, you were saying it’s victim blaming, and that’s why it should be taken down.

I’m close-minded? Oooh. Okay, how about this retort: YOU’RE CLOSE-MINDED >:0 >:0 Maybe you should open your eyes and see that reminding women to take precautionary measures is not as horrific as you make it seem.
Past research has shown counseling to be minimally effective for perpetrators of sexual assault. They haven’t figured out a way to fix rapists yet. So while they conduct that research, women should take their safety into their own hands.
I’m clearly not against research for rehabilitating rapists and figuring out ways to lower numbers of rapists; you’re just irrationally angry over precautionary measures for women. So stop. It’s really helping women.

I see absolutely nothing wrong with this. The fact remains that yea, if you drink heavily at a party you could pass out (be unable to say no) or be so wasted you just go home with strangers. One time I got so drunk I ended up wanting to stay at this weird old dude’s house (i have NO idea why!!) & my friend left me. He proceeded to try & get me to sleep with him & could have taken advantage of me but my friend came back for me at just the right time. I took personal responsibility, especially since the guy was wasted as well & didn’t really know what was going on except he thought he was going to get laid, & I never drank that much at a stranger’s house again to prevent myself from being put in that situation. Once it’s happening, there’s nothing you can do about it & you should never blame yourself but if you’re smart about the moments leading up to it, 9 times out of 10 you can avoid being in that situation.