Lovelyish

I don’t like the idea of my future husband seeing strippers the night before our wedding. It’s insulting to think he has to go out and “enjoy himself” before he’s “stuck with me.” I feel like I’m a big fat punishment. Like he has to go out and binge on cake before he’s stuck with salad for the rest of his life.

@here4onething@xanga - same here. well put.

this will be interesting with my SO because one of both of our best friends is the same dude haha, and we are a threesome pack of awesome friends because he introduced us to each other. I guess he goes to two parties? 

AWESOME!

I think that’d be a fun idea…but I’d never ask a guy friend or even a fiance to “tone down” their bachelor party. It’s up to the guy. I wouldn’t mind them going to a strip club either. I mean most of the female strippers I’ve seen aren’t exactly beautiful. Plus it’s one night and not like he’ll be falling in love or having sex with the woman on the pole. I guess it depends on your preferences and how your fiance is like too. If I end up getting married to the guy I’m with now then I’d have no problem with it. But like I said it just depends on the person.

there will probably be guys at my bachelorette party.  fortunately for them, i find male strippers ugly and obviously gay.  so we’ll be sticking dollars in some lady garments  

My boyfriend has no interest in going to strip clubs – he finds it degrading to women. We’ve talked and he doesn’t want any sort of bachelor party, we’re going to through an engagement party (I get my ring next month) instead!  

all your friends are ridiculously good-looking. 

I have a combination of male and female friends. My nights out with “the girls” almost always ends with one of us dragging a boyfriend / spouse / crush / gay guy / good male friend along. I don’t know what I would do if I went out with just the actual girls. That would be boring… and unsafe. Who’s going to scare off the persistent guys and carry the drunk girl to the car?

I suppose I am alone on this, but I would like to have a traditional GIRLS ONLY bachelorette party.

@here4onething@xanga - Well, that’s life.  Perhaps if women didn’t see it as their “duty” to suck all enjoyment out of a man’s life, then men wouldn’t feel the need to get in as much fun as they can before their life becomes nothing but misery?

@BimmerPhile@xanga - …My guy and I have lots of fun..and adventures!

@Jenny_Wren@xanga - Are you married?  Because ask any married man and he’ll tell you that women always act different after they get that wedding ring on their finger.

@BimmerPhile@xanga - I’m not married..yet. But my husband and I are both virgins..and lemme say..we are ECSTATIC about being married..in so many ways, haha. Not just sexual. Granted, though…we are really eager about that.

We really love each other. He’s been there with me through illness, financial hardship..as well as good times. And we have a lot of fun together. We share the same sense of “fun”, I guess you could say. It makes life a lot easier. We want to go to Iceland!!
…Also, I don’t know what married couples you know..but my parents have been married 30 years…and they have a ball! They are honestly really happy. Also, all the young married couples I know are really happy. I am not saying I haven’t seen my share of sad/unhappy marriages…but I have seen a lot of happy ones, too. Mostly, it is happy when both parties are really love and WANT to be faithful..and don’t feel obligated to be faithful.

@Jenny_Wren@xanga - I’m not talking about being faithful or pre-marital sex.  I’m talking about women’s unending need to come up with a never ending list of pointless crap to force guys to do just because they can.  Yea, he does it because he loves her, but it makes him miserable (and it’s not like the woman doesn’t know this).  That’s why, despite loving my girlfriend, I really have no desire to get married because the occasional stupid thing she makes me go to is bad enough that it makes me constantly think “Do I really want to put up with this crap for the rest of my life and never get to do anything I want to do ever again?”

@BimmerPhile@xanga - I think that helping one another goes with the “being faithful” package. I’m not necessary saying sexually faithful. I mean…longing to be there for them.

I am just curious–what kind of random stuff do you mean..? My fiance will get my medicine when I am sick…and he’ll pick me up something from the store if he’s already there. Or, he’ll drive me somewhere if I am kind of nervous to go there myself (a doctor’s appointment). Do you mean that kind of stuff..?

@Jenny_Wren@xanga - No, I mean the bogus list of chores (most of which aren’t even needed to be done) that women make up for men to waste their time doing.  Or the stupid dinners, flower shopping, etc where they know he’ll be bored out of his mind.

@BimmerPhile@xanga -  You dont have a girlfriend do you? You do realize not all girls are like that… Im not married, but I live with my boyfriend and have for quite some time now and I dont think putting a ring on my finger will make me any more different than I am now.

@BimmerPhile@xanga - Also, I clean mine and my boyfriends house mostly. He works a bit more than I do (we both work) so I figured since he works more it makes sence i clean more, but he still helps out. I also have never asked him to buy me flowers but he has before. He is actually the first guy to have ever boughten me flowers. And I dont think he gets bored… But I guess if thats what you think..

@bbanmen420@xanga - Yes, I do have a girlfriend (as stated above…..reading comprehension people!).  She’s better than most, but she still does that same crap that all women do, which is why I always avoid talk of getting married because I know from watching countless friends and family members get married that it only gets worse once the ring is on.  I’ve spent too much time working myself to death in grad school while working full time (often well over 40 hours a week) and too many sleepless nights to want to spend the rest of my life never getting to do anything fun or relax.

So you’re honestly going to claim that you never come up with lame social events that you drag him to when you know he’d rather be doing something fun?  You never come up with a bunch of things for him to do around the house / apartment that you could easily do yourself?  You never insist on some over-complicated event just to make him have to do more?  

I did a ladies only bachelorette party, but not because I didn’t have guy friends or wanted to keep it traditional. I think it’s just an unsaid assumption that it’s girls only. Although, if I had really planned it I probably would have invited a few more of my best friends.

I think it’s a great idea to mix. Seems like it’d be more fun that way anyway.

@wonderchica22@xanga - My best friend almost had a heart attack when I told her I didn’t want to be traditional. Just wanted to let you know you weren’t the only one that really likes the traditional way, she really does, too.

@BimmerPhile@xanga - Their “duty?” I’m pretty sure a woman doesn’t go after a man just to “suck the enjoyment” (as you so rudely put it) out of a man’s life. They should be able to have fun and enjoy themselves together. Sounds like someone just got out of a bad relationship…

I don’t have enough female friends to have a party with just them, so I’d prefer guys to be there if I were having a bachelorette party. I was a bridesmaid in a wedding last year, and for the bachelorette party, the girls (bride, bridesmaids, a few other female friends) went and crashed the groom’s bachelor party. I was working that night and unable to attend, but it sounds really lame and boring. Party with your friends, let your husband-to-be party with his, just don’t crash his party and make them party with you. That’s what the wedding reception is for.

Plus most of my female friends seem to be already married and popping out brats, so I doubt they’d be down for a fun party anyway. :/

@BimmerPhile@xanga - Wow. If you think all women are like that, you just date the wrong chicks or something. Not only do I refrain from giving my boyfriend of three years endless unnecessary chores, we talk and compromise on shit. If one of us cooks dinner, the other one has to do the clean-up. It’s just the mature thing to do. I mean… Do you really get that pouty about having to do things someone else wants to do? I mean, part of being in a committed relationship is sometimes doing things you weren’t exactly stoked about it. You do things with your girlfriend or spouse because you care for them and if something is that important to them, you should want to be there. You should also have balance in your life and have other people and activities to do as well… What the hell do you think life is supposed to be? Do you expect to meet some girl who will never ask you to lift a finger for anything, some girl for whom you won’t even care enough to want to do those things on your own? If you want to do whatever the fuck you want, for the rest of your life, you must avoid friends, dating, family, work, school… because all those people will, occasionally want you to do things you may not wish to do.

And I like how you’re generalizing and making it seem as though women are ALWAYS to blame. Not so. Women are human, men are human, and it is human nature to err. There are plenty of men out there, like you, who seem to really enjoy blaming women for making life suck when in actuality, nobody is actively trying to make you unhappy. If you think marriage is a woman slowly sucking the happiness from a man, you’re very wrong. Not all people who remain in unhappy relationships are married. Not all people who are married are unhappy and hateful towards their spouse, though your warped perspective would argue otherwise.

Yea, he does it because he loves her, but it
makes him miserable (and it’s not like the woman doesn’t know this).
 That’s why, despite loving my girlfriend, I really have no desire to
get married because the occasional stupid thing she makes me go to is
bad enough that it makes me constantly think “Do I really want to put up
with this crap for the rest of my life and never get to do anything I
want to do ever again?”

If it makes “him” truly miserable, then that sounds more like a red flag that something is wrong with the relationship, and not because all women are demanding bitches… And if that’s really want you think every time your girlfriend makes a mistake, then you really do notlove that chick. (And I bet if you bothered to ask her she wouldn’t tell you she thinks the same thing every time you fuck up..) If you think that married = never get to do anything you want to do ever again… Then I’m fairly convinced you are actually a five year-old, albeit one who is very proficient in typing at such a young age.

I really don’t care what my future husband does as long as he keeps his hands (and dick) to himself. I rather whoever I date and possibly marry to just be honest about strippers and porn. Honestly, I’d be more pissed about money he is spending if it becomes a normal thing. So I wouldn’t understand why he’d need a stripper in the first place?

I think it is cool though, that your friend had a bachelor party with ALL his friends and it just wasn’t a “dude” thing. I hope I can just go out dancing and have fun with my friends, both male and female, for my bachelorette party.

Our pre-wedding parties were separate boys from girls.  I would consider co-ed parties to be engagement parties.  But I suppose it depends on the group of people you’re dealing with.  If both the bride or groom are uninterested in having a night of debauchery, having a co-ed party is the way to go so friends can spend time together and have fun.

@ItsAll_A_LoveWar@xanga - Nope, I’ve been in a good (or as good as they get) relationship for about a year now.  Just because I have a great girlfriend doesn’t mean I’m blind to how girls behave in relationships – especially once they legally own half your stuff.  I’m sorry that you think honesty is “rude”, but if girls didn’t intentionally try to make guys miserable, then you wouldn’t be having to hear about it.  Girls always want to bash guys and say that they’re “afraid of commitment” – which isn’t true.  They’re just afraid of all the unnecessary pain you’re going to inflict on them just because you can.

@blackspiders@xanga - 

“ You do things with your girlfriend or spouse because you care for them and if something is that important to them, you should want to be there.”
If you bothered to read what I wrote (I know, so hard!  Damn Gutenberg for making reading common place!), you’d see that I have no problem with the rational occasional crappy thing you have to sit through.  However, women go out of their way to manufacture a constant stream of this crap just because they can.  The guy doesn’t know if he’ll find a girl who’s better and (if they’re married) divorce is far too expensive, so he has no choice but to take it up the ass because if he refuses to go, she’ll throw a temper tantrum like a three year old which will be even worse.
“If you think marriage is a woman slowly sucking the happiness from a man, you’re very wrong.”
Oh, of course.  It’s not like I know dozens of men who are married and are miserable.  You need to stop watching the self-effacing Dr. Phil who makes his money off of telling bitter housewives that women can do no wrong and that men are always to blame.
“And if that’sreally want you think every time your girlfriend makes a mistake, then you really do notlove that chick.”
Where did I say mistake?  Please, I’ll give you my credit card info if you can find where I said that word.  I said that men are miserable because women constantly create absurd tasks to make men do just for fun.  I think a large part of it (besides the pure sadism) is that most women (seriously, ask around and look at dating profiles) don’t have any hobbies – so they can’t grasp that there are things that a man MIGHT want to accomplish.  Why wouldn’t he want to waste 5 hours of his life at some pointless dinner or mind numbingly dull wedding filled with people he’s never met and you barely know?  He couldn’t possibly have something better to do, such as replacing an old part on the car, building new shelves by hand, reading (or writing) a book, doing something relaxing like playing golf.  Just because you spend your days doing nothing doesn’t mean he does.
“If you think that married = never get to do anything you want to do ever again… ”
Yes, I am, because most of my friends are married and I see how miserable they are and how they all say “Don’t ever tell anyone this, but a lot of times I wish I’d never gotten married”.  They hate never getting to make their own decisions, never getting to have free time to relax or enjoy hobbies, they hate the fact that their life is consumed by children that they didn’t want but their wives demanded that they have, etc.  Again, just because you think you know everything doesn’t mean you actually do.  These are real people who admit their real feelings to a close friend.
“ I’m fairly convinced you are actually a five year-old”
Right, this coming from a girl who looks about 12.  I tried checking out your site to see how old you actually are, but you have bitch-lock turned on because god forbid you meet people who don’t have your shallow mindset.  I’ve probably got a good decade on you and my male friends range from people in their early 20′s through people in their late 60′s – so I have a pretty good range of people to observe and draw my opinions from.  Just because you believe in the myth that a man must get married to a nagging bitch, have kids he doesn’t want to consume all his time and money, and live miserably ever after to have a “fulfilling life” doesn’t make it true. 

Honestly, I would rather have my bachelorette party with just myself for most of the time. I dont have any best friends that I can just let loose around. I dont want to bang some guys or get drunk and show people my boobs or anything. I would just go out, get drunk, and dance at some club then maybe invite my friends for a little more dancing than go eat at Waffle House. Have to have waffle house and friends at the end. Thats what makes a night so good.

I think it’s all personal preference. So with that said, personally, I quite like the idea of a traditional bachelorette party with just girls.

@BimmerPhile@xanga - That’s why me and you will never get married, I don’t date sexists who think women “suck fun”. Whether or not couples allow each other to see strippers or prostitutes on the side is a personal choice and frankly none of your business which decision I make. If your wife is cool with you seeing strippers have at it, but it’s not what I as a PERSON not just a WOMAN feel comfortable with.

And no it’s not “just life” because I have a choice about whether or not I get married/engaged and I have a choice to be with a man who respects me feelings/opinions without labeling my thoughts with sexism. I am educated, will make plenty of money when I graduate, and do not need to be supported. A boyfriend/husband is just an add on of my enjoyment in life and you better believe I would never settle marrying someone who couldn’t respect my feelings.     

@here4onething@xanga - Yup, it’s totally sexist to observe people’s behavior and decide if this is behavior you want to condone or not.  I guess it’s sexist of me to say that I don’t approve of a guy beating his wife too, because that’s behavior I observed and didn’t condone.

Did I say you, or any girl, needed a husband to provide for them?  Nope, I didn’t.  Again, you’re making up things to change the issue.  Why?  Because it’s easier to lie than to admit that you enjoy making men miserable to make yourself feel powerful.
“you better believe I would never settle marrying someone who couldn’t respect my feelings.”
And by “respect your feelings” you mean “be your bitch”, which is exactly what I’ve been talking about.  This double standard that men are supposed to sacrifice all of their happiness to make a woman happy while the woman doesn’t do a damn thing in reciprocation is ridiculous. 

@BimmerPhile@xanga - Flower shopping?????

Where the hell do you live? Women do that!?My boyfriend and I do not exchange chore lists, and we try to do special things once in a while to keep up the romance….not all women are like what you are describing…I’m waaaaaaay too lazy to do that. I would chastise you, but I think @blackspiders@xanga has it covered.

@blackspiders@xanga - Absolutely agreed on your friends with you and his friends with his. The bachelor party was definitely a blast but so was the reception—when ALL friends and family could join in!

@babybug329@xanga - But the things is, the girls at the bachelor party would have no issue with a night of debauchery. All three of us have been to strip clubs before, so it wouldn’t have rattled us, much.

The reason we laid so low was because the wedding was the very next day. None of us wanted to gamble a gnarly hangover stealing our attention from the incredible event at hand.

@beca - As long as everyone at the party was having fun, it should be fine.  At my husband’s friend’s bachelor party, ONE dude brought his girlfriend and there were no other women at the party…I thought that was a little weird.

@ChelseaSmilesMore@xanga - or…..just plain threesome

Going to a strip club is one thing. Having strippers come to a house party is a whole other story. I’ve known guys who had sex with the strippers at their parties, in front of their friends.

@here4onething@xanga - Amen. I always disapproved of that idea. And I wouldn’t want a male stripper at my bachelorette party!

Anyway, I think its cool to have people of either gender at your party celebrate with your friends, whether they are guys or girls.

I don’t have enough girls that know each other to invite out and have a good time with, so I’d probably want something more like a joint party… preferably at a casino or something! the funny thing is my boyfriend doesn’t even like going out/parties… so I have no clue what’s going to end up happening

I don’t plan on getting married but I’ve enjoyed watching my friends include both sexes in their wedding parties. It is more about spending a night with your friends and celebrating than it is about sharing a moment with other men/women. I think that’s the only question you asked so that’s the only answer I’m going to give. 

@BimmerPhile@xanga - When people tell me that a mark of manhood is marriage, I point out the vast numbers of deadbeat dads and abusive husbands out there and ask, “are they real men too?”

 Traditionally, a mark of manhood was the mastery of a craft, trade, career, etc., and marriage was seen as a BENEFIT of being a man, not the requirement for being one. In other words, you became a man by demonstrating your mastery in something, and marriage was one of the perks of achieving that status of manhood. 
What a lot of women do is project their own biological clocks on men and guilt-trip them into acquiescing when men wish to pursue their own paths in life. We’re considered commitment-phobic if we eschew marriage for the sake of our careers or other personal reasons, but when a woman does it, she’s lauded as being ambitious and breaking the glass ceiling and/or avoiding the “tyranny of the oppressive marriage institution”. What gives?

@BimmerPhile@xanga - When you start out with that much hate for women, none of them are going to make you happy. My husband does whatever he wants. He doesn’t require my permission or approval. We’ve been married for 34 years and know couples who have been together a long time and I can’t think of one of them that would agree with you.

@whyzat@xanga - That’s because you come from a fundamentally different time period. Times have changed, and so have gender roles. 

@BimmerPhile@xanga - “get married to a nagging bitch, have kids he doesn’t want to consume all his time and money, and live miserably ever after”

HAHAHA. has a good lilt to it, the wording. definitely does not sound ideal.

@QuantumStorm@xanga - “When people tell me that a mark of manhood is marriage, I point out the vast numbers of deadbeat dads and abusive husbands out there and ask, “are they real men too?” “

HA at this too.  funny, because unfortunately it’s true.  fortunately also, there are plenty of abusive moms and deadbeat wives out there to pick from too!

both of you, I just wanted to say hey, I see it too often and agree, despite all the defensiveness (a.k.a. guilt) happening up in here.

@QuantumStorm@xanga - I know young couples who are happy. I think you come from a fundamentally different frame of mind.

@whyzat@xanga - Marriages nowadays almost always start out happy. Give it time. 

@follow_my_beat@xanga - Hah! Is that a jab at the masks?

@BimmerPhile@xanga - You must really hate compromising and putting in some effort.  What does she want you to do?  Do the dishes or something??? lol.  God what a controlling life sucking person she is.