Lovelyish

Maybe look in a new area for jobs. Austin, for example, has a lot of places that are hiring, and more jobs are rumored for next year. Great city, I’ve lived here most of my life and love it.

There’s more than just NYC to look for a job. Anyways, my husband and I currently living with my parents until he is done with his masters. We can move out, but we rather not have his master’s loan after he’s done, having to pay for undergrad is enough. It’s a little difficult now, but it makes it tons easier later. It’s not so bad, as long as you just keep your parents up to date on what your doing, and spend a little bit of time with them. As long as your not living like you would in a hotel, parents are pretty cool.

Hey I never left! XD Partly due to the economy & partly because I got severely sick in college & I was forced to take a leave from school & work to recover. It hasnt been easy. But I dont think anyone in our generation should feel bad. I wrote a post about 2+ years ago on that. The economy is making it hard for college grads to survive alone so many still live at home, came back home or have 3 other roommates just to get by on the rent.

I’m trying to get back to NY with the help I have but you may have to relocate for a better job. I’m looking at many states. But dont just take a job just for the money. You want to make sure you’re in a safe area, the taxes wont eat up your money & most importantly, you need to know how to get around. If you dont have a car, this will be especially important because not everywhere is NYC. Some places (like shitty Florida) stop public transit at 9PM in some areas.

haha same to all the above! and I’m in PA too

I think the most important thing that people must remember is this: moving in with your parents after you have graduated does not mean you failed. It does not mean you are going nowhere in life, nor does it mean your 4+ years of professors and money produced nothing. This is a stepping stone. This is the part of the film where “Hide and Seek” plays in the background as you stare at your degree. You have more things going for you than the people who couch surf out of laziness; you have credentials and determination. A few years or even months from now, when you are making money and doing what your dreamboard and school counselor promised you, you are going to be even more proud of yourself for kicking ass and lightening up mom’s laundry load. Keep your head up and remember that although it may take more time than you envisioned, you’re going to find that little apartment in Brooklyn, hug your loving, supportive parents goodbye, and throw one hell of a house warming party. Don’t give up. You will make it.

I got a steady job when I graduated, a year later I got promoted and I’m still living at home and saving to buy my own apartment/house whatever I decide in about 2-3 years….I’m not embarassed. Though sometimes I wish I was living by myself but for now I can deal with it!

I have not moved back in with my parents and I have solemnly sworn never to do so. I can’t promise that that’s how things are going to go down, I just know what I want. As much as @chicbananas@xanga insists that it’s not a failure (And it isn’t – 85% of this year’s graduating class is expected to move back home with their parents as a result of the shitty job market, minimum wage not being a liveable wage, and many other factors that are nobody’s fault), I was never personally able to come to terms with it as such. To me, the idea of moving back home was the ultimate in throwing in the towel, and I refused to do it. I lost my job last May, and for a little while, moving back home seemed like the only option, but instead, I applied to as many jobs as I could (Somewhere between 200 and 300 in the course of a couple of weeks) and eventually landed something that allowed me to keep my apartment and afford my bills. I’m still living in the city (Well, in Queens, but I’d rather live in a non-shoebox apartment on a street with trees anyway), graduated, debt-free, gainfully employed, and busting my ass every single day to make sure that I have a little extra to put away in case something happens. 

So, to get back around to the question, I don’t have any advice on living at home. What I do have is advice on how to not get stuck there: 

1) Get a savings account. Put money in it, and make a deal with yourself that once it is in that account, you are not to touch it except in an emergency. That way, when an emergency like losing your job comes up, you’ll be able to deal.
2) Take your ego down a few pegs. You are not too good for that job at a cash register, or at a reception desk. A lot of places will pay you double what the minimum wage is to work a reception desk, and that’s a great entry level place to begin working your way up the ranks. Same with a cash register – the right person can pretty easily move up the ladder and land in management, which is always a boon for a resume.
3) Live below your means. I eat a lot of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. My bosses make fun of me because every time a free tray of bagels is put out in the common area, I grab one, slather it with complimentary cream cheese, and put whatever lunch I brought that day back in the fridge for the next day. Am I that broke? No. Do I have better things to spend money on than another $10 meal from Chipotle? Yea. When I got my new job, my boss asked where I lived, and I told him in Queens. He said that now that I’d be making more money, I can afford to move back to Manhattan, where I lived when I was in college. All I could think of was how much of a waste of money that would be. 
Moving back home is not a failure, but it’s also not something that anyone wants. Focus on what you do want, and take the necessary steps to get there, recognizing that those steps may not be in a straight line. And that’s okay too.

Remember when people used to value independence more than living comfortably?

I would work a horrible job and live in a disgusting apartment before I would live with my parents again. Why? Because I value my independence, and I am an adult.
To everyone who moves back home indefinitely (with no immediate plans to leave): GROW UP!

Actually, I wouldn’t mind coming back to live with my family. I’m a family oriented person anyway. I can live just fine with them and still have a sense of independence. No one is going to be using my room anyway…why waste that space?

Save money and move into an apartment or house if I find a guy I love enough.

I really don’t think I could live with my parents again.  I didn’t move out and come back, I lived with them as an adult (until 23).  I couldn’t afford to move out, which is why I lived at home until then.  After moving out, I love my independence, my freedom and not having to answer to anyone but myself.  If I went home to visit my parents and grandmother, I would go bonkers!  They would ask questions I didn’t feel they needed to know the answer to regarding work and relationships and my money.  My grandma also would ask if I could take her to the store.  Of course, that was never just one store, somehow I’d always end up spending the whole day with her, going to maybe 6 stores because she insisted that the fish is fresher in a particular store, the produce high quality in another.

However, if an able bodied, strong minded young person needed to move back home because of financial concerns, I won’t think less of that person, as long as it is only temporary.  I know many people my age (29-30) who live at home with no aspirations to finish school, get a driver license or start their career.  I can’t understand why they don’t want to get out and see the world, live their life.  Just as lifeonacitybusem4@xanga mentioned, I value independence over living comfortably.  And most definitely, if one is not living comfortably, one has to ability to change that.

@Lost_In_Reverie@xanga - I totally agree on saving an emergency fund and living below your means.

@babybug329@xanga - And I totally agree with you in the sense that you value your independence over the comfort of living at home. And sometimes I think that’s what it comes down to - no amount of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches would taste so bad that I’d rather be sitting in my mom’s kitchen every day eating her food for free. And that’s nothing against my mom’s cooking, or my family in general - I value my independence far too much and have been used to it for far too long to relinquish it now.

@Lost_In_Reverie@xanga - Nope, nothing compares to independence.  A friend had to move back to her mom’s last year after having moved out for 4 years with her boyfriend.  She was at her mom’s 6 months, tops.  ”She’s driving me bonkers!  This is going to be expensive and I am going to be broke for a while, but I gotta move out NOW!!!”  And you’re right, it’s not that you don’t love your parents, you just love your sanity more.

@Lost_In_Reverie@xanga - @babybug329@xanga - @lifeonacitybusem4@xanga - who says you can’t have independence while living with your parents?  

ok, maybe if yours are a pain in the ass.  but my mom stopped telling me what to do, when to come home, etc. the second i turned 18 and had my own car. in fact, i have more freedom living with her than i ever did in my campus apartment. i proved i was responsible enough to take care of myself.  the only reason i want to move out is because i want to live with my SO, and because i’d prefer living somewhere closer to school and both of my jobs.   
i think it’s really unfair to judge someone who chooses to live at home as wanting comfort over independence. some of us are lucky enough to have both.  most of my friends who do live at home would rather save up their cash for a down payment on a house than waste it on rent.  it’s not about being spoiled or lazy.  and in my financial situation, it’s more of a choice between comfort and living in my car or going to a shelter.  

@too_pretty_to_die@xanga - The term “independence” says you can’t be independent while depending on your parents for a place to live. Haha.

If you’re living at home, the implication is that you are not financially independent, so no, you can’t be independent and be living with your parents. If you’re living at home because you can’t afford to live anywhere else, you’re still dependent on your parents. It doesn’t matter if you do or don’t have parents who are on your ass about making your bed and being home before midnight, and it doesn’t mean that you’re irresponsible, but if, as you’re saying, if you were not living with your parents you would be living in your car, then you are not financially independent.

No one was calling anyone spoiled or lazy, and you can absolutely live at home and have your own life, but until you are paying your own rent (or mortgage) and electric and cable bills, buying your own groceries, doing your own laundry, etc. I don’t really think you can claim independence.

I just moved back home too. Its been week 3 and the parentals already driving me cray cray. need to find a job sooon and save up and gtfo again ughhh

@chicbananas@xanga - ah love this! Thank you for writing that!!

@DoRi_dOrI@xanga - You’re welcome

@Lost_In_Reverie@xanga - i wasn’t aware anyone my age values financial independence as much as social independence.  i’ve never heard a 20-something living at home say, “Man, I wish Mom and Dad would let me pay the mortgage!”  

frankly, i have the rest of my life to pay bills.  i’m in no rush for that to happen any time soon.  being financially dependent on my parents doesn’t mean they control my every move, or that i can’t do anything i would do if i lived on my own.  like i said, maybe i’m lucky.  but living at home is less like living with a parent, and more like living with a roommate who pays all the rent.  if anything, i have it way better than my friends who felt desperate to move out before they were financially stable.  financial independence is overrated.

I moved out a year ago. Times have been tough since. Tempted to move back but the thought of having to put up with my mother puts me back in my place. I love her but I can no longer live with her.
Anyone want to be my roommate? I have an empty room that’s starting to collect dust.

I’m glad I’m not alone. I graduated and figured I’d live at home (maybe a year) and then move out. After graduating it took me 8 months to find a job. Said job only paid $8/hr. My mom got a new job and moved to FL so I had no choice but to move with her. So here I am again looking for a new job with 0 prospects. Any prospects don’t want to pay you more than $10/hour. I don’t understand how the 20somethings are supposed to “grow up” if no one wants to pay them living wage….i’m so frustrated with life right now..

I’m dropping out (temporarily) this month, to pick back up next semester. I can NOT move back home. But what else can I do for 6 months? I need a job.

@too_pretty_to_die@xanga - And that is the attitude that gets this generation written off as lazy slackers. Because you’re right – living with your parents is like living with a roommate that pays all the rent, and if you’re shirking that responsibility because “you have the rest of your life to pay bills”, it makes it sound more like you’re not actually trying to become financially independent (which you clearly stated you’re not). 

Aaaaaand that’s one of the reasons no one takes our generation seriously. I recognize that there are a lot of contributing factors to the fact that there are a huge number of 20-somethings who still live at home, but to turn around and say “I live at home because I don’t want to pay rent” is kind of immature, and a lot different than saying “I live at home because I can’t afford to pay rent.” The former is what is getting our generation labeled as entitled, irresponsible slackers.

@PlAySliKeAnAnGel@xanga - Unfortunately, a lot of times what you have to do is pick up a second job. While I was in college, I had a night job. When I graduated, I kept the night job and got a day job. I worked both until I had worked my way up through day jobs to a point where I didn’t need the night job. Then, instead of quitting the night job, I simply cut back on the number of hours I worked there. That way, in case I ever lost my day job, I still have my night job where I could turn around and start working more hours again. 

I’m not sure what kind of work you’re looking for, but something you might want to try is low-level administrative work. It tends to pay slightly better than retail, and have some degree of upward mobility. Good luck!

@too_pretty_to_die@xanga - And frankly… no one WANTS to pay their mortgage; they want to have a home. Paying the mortgage for it is just a necessary evil. It’s also part of being an adult. And I think a huge problem we have is that we keep putting off being an adult because it’s hard and who wants to pay bills, right? But at some point, you have to grow up, take responsibility, and create a stable life for yourself. 

@Lost_In_Reverie@xanga - I like your constructive criticism ^.^

I’m not saying living with your parents is necessarily a bad idea, but they shouldn’t have to take care of you. I think when you move back in with parents, both of you should at least TRY to make it closer to a landlord/tenant relationship or even a roommate relationship. Don’t have your mom do your laundry, do your own. Do your own dishes. Take turns making dinner. Pay your parents rent, even if it is just a small amount. By just living there as you did before college, you are delaying growing up. I understand not being able to make it on your own financially, but by allowing your parents to take care of you like you are still a minor, you are just encouraging them to treat you like you are still a minor.

My brother is 26 and still lives with my parents. But my brother pays all his bills and takes care of himself for the most part. He contributes to the family bills. If my mom would let him, he’s probably do his own laundry (she says it’s easier if she does his with her and my dad’s and wastes less water). He has a lot of money saved up and he even already has an IRA. And he will take a job, even if it isn’t ideal, until something better comes up. My brother isn’t lazy and mooching off my parents.

I had to move back home a few times.  One time my mom said no. So I learned to be independent.  Sometimes that meant living on saltine crackers and jelly, but I did it.  Now I have two adult step-sons living at home, both dropped out of high school (before I was ever in the picture) and I just don’t see how they are ever going to amount to anything.  They both work in a pizza shop.  I told them once that without even a high school diploma (or GED) what they were doing now was their future.  If my husband hadn’t suffered so much loss in the last 4 years (lost his wife, then a son, then both parents) I would tell him they have to get out.

@Lost_In_Reverie@xanga - 

“And that is the attitude that gets this generation written off as lazy slackers.”
and anyone who would purposefully make their lives miserable to prove someone wrong in that regard is a moron.  i don’t mind being called entitled, because in my opinion it’s better than moving into a dump and living off ramen, just to prove you’re an adult to a bunch of people who don’t matter anyway.  where i come from, being an adult is judged by your intelligence and the ability to balance work and play… not whether you can pay bills.  
there’s a difference between thinking you deserve something, and happily taking advantage of something that’s offered to you.  i understand that some people aren’t as lucky as me, to have parents who’d let them live at home and still give them space and treat them as an equal adult.  but that’s exactly what it is…. luck.  why would i turn down an advantage to prove something as elusive and subjective as independence?  

Actually, my
ultimate goal after finishing school is to move back home to be near my
family. If I end up living with my family, it’s totally cool. Why?
Food’s good, company’s good, and I can help my family out with bills.
When I do start my own family, I am definitely committed to staying near
my parents or having them come live with me along with my siblings if
needed.

I love them and my parents worked really hard to raise me.
I want to be near them so that I can help them out after all of their
sacrifices for me.

@Lost_In_Reverie@xanga - I respect your opinion and I acknowledge your right to write about it.

However, have you ever tried looking at this in a culturally oriented perspective? Some cultures are really family-oriented, so it’s actually pretty normal for a son/daughter to move back home after college, find a job, save some money while helping their parents out for a few years [financially] before they start their own families. Even though living with your parents kind of implies that you do not have the means to be financially independent or live alone, that doesn’t mean it’s true. I would still love to live back at home and pay the bills for my parents if I could.

I don’t really know about your life or circumstances but I think it’s unfair to say that our generation is labeled as slackers and irresponsible. The way I see it is that I am doing what is responsible: helping my parents after they’ve helped me so much.

@aftershejumped@xanga - I think you’re making a totally valid point, but the person I was replying to made comments referring to A) Not paying any rent while living at home and B) Not wanting to pay bills because they “have the rest of their life to pay bills”. I think that’s VERY different from living at home because you want to help out your parents.