Yesterday we talked about whether or not Kat Von D should have known better than to accept ex-fiancé Jesse James’ fidelity pledge as true — given his past habit of cheating (you know, how the two first came together). The resulting Lovelies’ comments didn’t exactly reach a consensus on warning signs of a potential swindlers. But more importantly perhaps, we never quite decided on one thing: If a guy or girl cheated before, does that mean it is bound to happen again?
turnyalightsdownlow made a point:
i love Kat but when it comes to relationships it seems like she always picks the worst guys . but statistically speaking 75% of relationships that are formed as a result of infidelity fail – so should we really be all that surprised?
People need to stfu about ‘once a cheater, always a cheater’ because that is NOT always true.
Digital_Angel21 spring-boarded off that same sentiment:
…it’s not ALWAYS true. But it’s important to know why they cheated and if it has happened more than once. And I think if they did cheat in the past, you shouldn’t be paranoid per se, but more alert to his behavior. And not surprised. You are taking a risk, but if you think the guy is ‘good enough’ for whatever reason, then it makes sense.
She brings up a good point. Does an instance of infidelity become null if he can back it up with a good reason? Just how good and unique would that reason have to be to reassure you that it won’t rise again during your relationship? And how many occurrences does he have to have under his belt before his actions are considered serial?
iones-island brings up another interesting assessment with which to examine past two-timing incidents — whendid it happen?
I would say why isn’t a good question; it doesn’t matter why. was it because the sex was bad? it begs the question ‘what if (s)he isn’t satisfied with me?’ was it because they were apart for too long? how long is too long; an 8 hour work day, a weekend, a business trip? maybe it was because (s)he was mad at him/her for something. what is it that will set him/her off? what if I make him/her mad?
i think a better question would be ‘when’ was it when they were like 15 and young and stupid? yeah, maybe they will change, pretty decent chance. was it when they were older and allegedly wiser? not so likely. in this case i think we can safely say that he is well past the stage where we can chalk it up to being young and stupid and call it what it is, a character trait.
When and how does disloyalty become a character trait? Which matters more: Why it happened or when it happened? What would make you date a guy or girl who has cheated in past relationships?