Ladies, we need to talk. It’s getting chilly. I’m sure you’re starting to feel shivers run through your bones. Maybe some of you even cracked open those winter wardrobes already. More power to y’all for it — nothing beats bundling up on a frosty day. But for all that’s right and just and sausaged-cased in the world, you gotta stop trying to pass off leggings as pants.
Would it be kosher for a guy to step outside in pajamas? Lounge around a coffee shop in a pair of long underwear? Go for a jog in Under Armor?
(OK, some of us do that last one. Moving on!)
Far be it from me to lecture about how to stay warm and cozy this winter — I won’t even pretend to know how uncomfortable most of your get-ups must be — but these pants pretenders are a reach too far to keep quiet. It’s not just lazy, it’s unoriginal.
I mean, from an oafish “gawking at pretty girls” point of view, leggings are a great for me and other guys. It keeps you ladies warm, it gives us something to distract us from sub-freezing temperatures and everybody comes out smiling. But — and I can’t emphasize this enough — us y-chromosomed ones are a bunch of goddamned idiots. If you’re looking to grab our attention by looking good, there’s other ways to do it than by pretending spandex is a reasonable alternative to denim.
So, do yourself a favor and think twice before pulling on those leggings this winter. Please. For your own sake.
And yoga pants? Consider yourself on notice.