Possibly the biggest question among viewers’ minds for this Fall’s premiere season has been, “How will CBS kill off Charlie Sheen?”

We were given hints here and there, i.e., we knew it was violent and that Charlie would not appear in the episode at all, but other than that mum’s been the word.  Last night, September 19, 2011, all was finally revealed!

The premiere of the revamped “Two and a Half Men” aired and CBS was forced to finally tell us how they killed their main character. We also got to see Ashton Kutcher’s big return to television, but unfortunately, it seems that Charlie’s shoes might be too big for him to fill.

The show opens immediately to Charlie’s funeral scene with a slower version of the famous “Men” theme song, setting a mockingly somber mood.  The room is filled with women that Charlie charmed over the years as well as Alan, Jake, Berta, and Evelyn. 

But it’s our favorite stalker Rose who is given the honor of breaking the news of how Charlie died while they were in Paris getting married.

Charlie Harper accidentally slipped on a platform and fell in front of a train, his body “exploding like a balloon full of meat.  There is slight speculation about whether it was really an accident or if Charlie had a little extra help slipping because Rose mentions that she walked in on Charlie showering with another woman when she came home shopping.  Sadly, this mystery will never be solved.

The premiere is full of jokes and avoids the sadness that most funeral episodes usually convey to their audiences.  This isn’t surprising since Sheen left on such bad terms with those in charge of the show.  What is surprising is the writers get a little jab in at Sheen, by referencing his drug issues at the funeral when one man stands up and claims that Charlie Harper owes him $38,000 for “pharmaceuticals.”

CBS seems to be working very hard to keep the show alive without Sheen.  One tactic they have adopted is bringing in famous names for short cameos.  This episodes cameos included John Stamos and Jenna Elfman and Thomas Gibson (Dharma and Greg), who go to the condo’s open house.

It’s not until ten minutes into the half-hour long show that Ashton Kutcher shows up outside, soaking wet after attempting to drown himself in the ocean.  The suicidal, broken-hearted billionaire isn’t so witty, but has some good comments that fit in with Kutcher’s past roles as the stupidly funny guy. 

The new “Two and a Half Men” features a lot more Jon Cryer.  While he’s not bad at entertaining a crowd, I can’t deny that I’m not looking forward to him  carrying all the punchlines in the upcoming episodes.  Replacing a witty Charlie with a stupid Walden (Kutcher) will force the writers to sacrifice the quickfire give-and-take conversations that “Two and a Half Men” has become known for over the years.

It turns out that the show really might need Charlie Sheen and all of his craziness to survive.

Are you still watching “Two and a Half Men”?  What did you think of Charlie’s replacement?