Every body is beautiful. Every single body out there is beautiful.
I was born with a right club foot. It was corrected, but my right calf ended up thinner than my left, and my right foot smaller. For most of my life, I figured everyone had something “wrong” with them, and it wasn’t a big deal. Until I realized that, due to my right leg being slightly shorter, I’d developed scoliosis.
I went through a severe panic. I started to hate my body. While I used to wear skirts and feel fine, I’d need to pair them with legwarmers or feel extremely self-conscious in public. I felt ugly. I’d look at myself in the mirror and panic and cry. I’d hate the feel of hip against the bed when I slept, worried about it being higher than the other one. There was a tangle of anxiety in my stomach always present, always making me inadequate. Everyone had normal feet. I didn’t. Everyone had normal legs. I didn’t.
I was jealous of people who felt bad about their body size, because they weren’t alone. They had positive reinforcement everywhere. Almost everything out there that deals with body image (especially for girls) focuses on weight. And, usually, people who worried about their weight had “normal” feet and “normal” legs. I felt powerless. I couldn’t diet or anything. All I could do was hate my body more and more every day.
I made it through this period of self-hatred, though. My friends told me it wasn’t noticeable. I acknowledged other good things about my physical appearance: my face, my skin, my curves. And, now, I’m at the point where I’m trying to embrace my right leg. It gives me character. I’m pretty attractive, and that’s just something that makes me unique.
Body dysmorphia is “a psychological disorder in which the affected person is excessively concerned about and preoccupied by a perceived defect in his or her physical features”, but everyone seems to think it solely refers to eating disorders and worrying about weight. According to the media, not being okay with your weight is the only issue that exists, so therefore it’s pretty much the only one addressed.
But what I went through definitely was body dysmorphia. I had an issue that I over-focused on and made worse than it was. But I was told that it wasn’t body dysmorphia because I wasn’t focusing on my weight. The struggle was sometimes a lonely one.
I was able to get past my issues for the most part, though I still struggle. But there are people out there dealing with more noticeable things than mine, things that effect movement or speech. They’re beautiful, they are so beautiful, and the things about their bodies, our bodies, that are “different” make us even more beautiful. Do they know it? Does anyone tell them? They can’t find an article about this in a magazine. The love-your-body movement doesn’t deal with this.
They need to know how breathtaking they are. They also need to know that these things are often much more noticeable to the self than to others and focusing on these things can often lead to body dysmorphia and depression. More people need to be aware that body dysmorphia can be about a lot of things, not just weight.
There have to be other people going through the same self-hatred I went through a few years ago. People who think that things are much more noticeable than they are.
They need to not feel alone. They need to know that their bodies are beautiful.
Every single inch.
Is there anything about your body that makes you insecure, Lovelies?
guest
No I didn’t have this but I do feel self-conscious about a few parts of myself.. at times I get acne and dark circles when I don’t sleep enough and I have this one tooth that’s not straight. I never got braces and while I still can, it’s expensive and I’d have to have it on for 3 years so I try not to smile showing my teeth in a lot of my photos.
tulip / 8 posts
i’m self-conscious about my jaw line, it’s too prominent and one of my eyes has a triple eyelid, making it awkward looking; i have to be very conscious about it and twitch that eye until the eyelid goes back to double for photos.
-b.
guest
Where do I begin? Anyway, if I had to choose, it would be my stomach. That’s the first area I tend to gain weight before anywhere else.
guest
I’m super self conscious about my stomach. I had surgery when I was little, and ever since then I’ve had a little ‘pooch’ type thing and it won’t go away, no matter how much weight I lose..
guest
when I was in middle to high school, I was self conscious about my skinny legs, but it wasn’t actually one of my insecurities or worries until other classmates directly pointed them out to me and teased me about them. because of that, I often avoided wearing shorts and even during p.e./gym class, I’d wear sweat pants instead of shorts to not bring attention to them. now that I’m older, mature people, but it could be biased since they were mostly men…have told me how attractive and sexy they think my legs are. the people that made fun of me were mostly females, who were bigger than me in their body types, so in retrospect, they put me down to make themselves feel better. I no longer dislike my legs. it wasn’t my problem, it was their projections of their insecurities onto me and I was younger and more naive, so I let it get to me. nowadays I think I’m hot and my s.o. thinks I am so that’s what matters to me than what strangers say.
daisy / 571 posts
everything.
I’m super hideous.
but, i seriously am glad you feel better about yourself<3
guest
Whoever told you that body dysmorphia has to be about weight is incredibly incorrect. Lots of people with fixate on things that have nothing to do with their weight (ears, nose, symmetry, etc.). It’s certainly true that sometimes people with eating disorders also suffer from body dysmorphic disorder but that doesn’t mean weight worries are a prerequisite to a disorder (even that sound effing stupid). So either the person who said that to you wasn’t a medical professional or they were ignorant jerks.
I fixate a lot on things (some weight related, some not) but I’m too busy trying to succeed at life to let it get to me as badly as I used to.
guest
BDD is not always related to just weight, it’s anything about the body. A lot of BDD victims go through an eating disorder, and may have OCD. I’ve never been diagnosed with BDD, but I’m quite positive I have a form
of it. I fret over my weight mostly, but every now and then will fret
over something minor that only I see (my “large” nose, fat cheeks,
pimples that aren’t there). I wish my legs could be thinner, my cheekbones more angular. I wish my lips weren’t crooked, and I want my jaw to be more defined. These are things I can’t fix, yet I fixate on them because I find these are my imperfections – even though people tell me I am beautiful. I may be perfect to them, but not to me.
cherry blossom / 27 posts
A disclaimer: the site edited out a few parts where I said that my attitude about being jealous of people who could diet was unhealthy and that I understand that weight problems are much more common and I can’t relate to or judge them (and that there is unfortunate and undeserved negative attention granted to heavier people in the media as well). This edit really focuses on my saying that other body image issues aren’t given attention in the media without delving as much into other stuff I said– but it’s so understandable, because my original post was quite long-winded.
Just wanted to throw that out there before anyone got annoyed.
guest
I think I might have a mild form of this. I never got braces, so my teeth are not exactly straight. I hate my smile. I hate my smile so much. I never smile with teeth in pictures. I just know I look terrible. Now, I am trying to improve my smile and stare at the mirror for such a long time, trying out new looks and making my smile nicer. It’s a shame because I have such nice lips. I decided that a dimple would really help, so my once dimple-less face, now has a dimple after trying very hard to develop one.
It is terrible, but I can’t get over it.
dahlia / 2103 posts
This was a very well-written post, I enjoyed it. I hope you can continue to make peace with your body and, also important, help other people to realize that they’re beautiful too. It helps to have outside affirmation when you have a distorted view of yourself, and I see a lot more tearing down than I do building people up in this society.
I know that I definitely have BDD about my weight and my midsection mostly, though it isn’t as bad as it used to be. I’m aware that my view is distorted, but it takes daily maintenance to change my mindset even when I’m aware that it’s not accurate. Idk if anybody remembers the post on Lovelyish awhile back about My Body Gallery , but going there was a real eye-opener about how I REALLY see myself. I searched for girls my height and weight (5’10″ about 197 lbs) and thought, “None of these girls are what I would calll fat. They look pretty good!” So then I searched for people at my height and who weighed 60-70 lbs more than I do, and those pics are what I really, truly think I look like. I guess I hadn’t realized how far off I am sometimes.
guest
I definitely have weight issues–I have an eating disorder, and lost a lot of weight because of it, but I still feel like I look the same. I’m working on it.
But I also think I have this to an extent because I have a lot of body/facial hair. It’s the curse of a Middle Eastern woman. It’s genetics, but it still makes me feel insecure and utterly paranoid. After a few days after waxing, I freak out, thinking everyone can see my facial hair again. It sucks.
guest
My teeth are definitely a big insecurity of mine. I even had braces, but the orthodontist did a really crappy job. I’ve had an eating disorder for about three years now, too, but I feel like that makes me happier most of the time.
guest
I was diagnosed with BDD 6 years ago, and I definitely have it still. It’s frustrating getting people to understand how severe BDD really is. Every time I’ve tried to explain BDD, the person I am explaining it to comes to the conclusion that they also have BDD because they don’t like the way they look. It’s very common for girls to be self conscious about their appearance, but people with BDD take it to very extreme measures.
In my own experience, and also with people that I have talked to that also have BDD, most of us are concerned with facial features, the nose being one of the most common things people with BDD worry about.
There’s a fine line between BDD concerning your weight and an eating disorder.
cherry blossom / 35 posts
I don’t like my stomach & I’ve been trying to get rid of it. Thanks for posting this..I just may have that syndrome you mentioned.
guest
you see it alot in people who get excessive plastic surgeries.
guest
Many people find me attractive and I get compliments all the time, but there are certain things about me that I absolutely HATE and obsess about them all….. the time. I just don’t complain about them to others because I know there are worse cases; however, that doesn’t mean it makes me feel better about myself. I always say if ever I win the lottery I am fixing those damn things. :’(
peony / 1 posts
THANK YOU for your post!
I also hate my right leg. I was born premature and my right leg was never as strong as my left leg and is like yours, shorter than my left (I guess is is a type of mild cerebral palsy, but even writing that makes me want to throw up. I also have scoliosis as a result of the difference in length.) I used to walk with my foot turned in since I was a kid and to this day, I have to concentrate on turning it out when I walk. My right foot is also two sizes smaller than my left (makes buying shoes a nightmare and depressing experience.) I have had surgeries that have caused my right calf to be considerably smaller than my left and for many years, I was OK with it. I’ve had some (clueless) people ask why I walk with a limp and once even a socially-inept boss asked me about it.(this was two years ago) For the most part though, no one mentions it but once in a while I catch people looking.
Recently I went through a bad break-up and for the first time ever, have suffered anxiety, panic attacks and depression for the last six months. Prior to this relationship I’ve only had one other serious boyfriend, although I have dated a lot. In the past two months I have become more and more depressed about my leg, even though I’ve been told I am very attractive and I am extremely social and have a lot of good friends. I feel like the last two guys I was serious about eventually couldn’t deal with how I walk or how my leg looks but they didn’t want to tell me. (I know this may be unrealistic but I am convinced of it.) When I think about my leg, I am unable to walk at times and I freeze up or my leg becomes spastic. This draws more attention to it and I hate it. I tried to explain it to my therapist and she didn’t get it because I wasn’t totally honest. I also haven’t told it to my psych nurse practitioner because she’s kind of dippy and I’m afraid she won’t get it either. Anyway, I’ve never read anything like what I’ve been going through for 36 years until your post. It makes me feel a little bit better.
peony / 1 posts
Your post.. & the last one before mine made me cry. I have NEVER in my life seen or heard of anyone having the same condition as I do. I have the same thing, except with my left leg. It is smaller and just a bit shorter than the other, causing me to walk with a slight limp. I came by this posting by accident.. Just was looking at images trying to understand why I was born how I was. I am 26 years old and have even more recently become very down on myself and depressed about a situation I will never be able to fix. It feels good to know there is someone else out there dealing with the same thing and I’m not alone. Thank you for posting this.. It means a lot.
peony / 1 posts
Thank you for the post, I haven’t met or talked to someone with the same ‘right leg’ issue. My story is kinda similar: the foot was fixed through operations but I’ve got scars, different size feet and calfs. Until I was about 13 I never used to care but then during teenage years I would only wear long pants/skirts regardless of weather and I wouldn’t wear open shoes because I didn’t want anyone to see the weird leg as I thought it would make people like me less.
Anyway two years ago (I’m 25 now) I had a plastic surgery and got a calf implant which I think mentally helped me to be able to wear shorts and skirts in the summer again:) I still do have to try a lot of shoes on before I can get a pair but it is possible:) although the surgery did help me mentally and my leg does look better, it is still not the same as the left one and never will be. Whenever I feel down about it I just remind myself that I’m lucky to even have legs that are fully functional:) and I wish I wasn’t so hard on myself before, now I know that people who love and care about you don’t care if your legs are different or teeth/nose//belly are not perfect because it’s not what defies you..