I got to thinking, what would I say to my old self? By my old self I mean, the girl who stayed in her house and used food as company. Who ate until she felt sick, and then some. Who was ashamed of how much take out she had. Who barely cooked for herself. The girl who hated what she was. The girl who had turned into the person she had always felt like.
To that girl I say:
You are lonely! That’s all. You are a beautiful girl who is lonely. Who needs a friend, more than one. You miss the circle of friends you had in high school but you haven’t done anything about it. When you’re dad kicked you out, you felt like you were all alone and for a long time, you were. It doesn’t have to be like that. People who take care of themselves have more friends. That’s the honest truth. You can do anything you want to do! Action is all you need.
The first step wasn’t easy. Admitting that I had a problem, that I needed to change my life. It took me a long time to get to that place and I didn’t get there by myself. It took finding out I was sick to really make me change. Now I have people who keep me from being lonely. We call each other when we need to. I have places to turn when I need someone to talk to. That’s important. They help me keep myself healthy.
Losing weight is a challenge because the weight isn’t just on your body. It’s on your mind all the time. It’s every mean word anyone has called you. Every boy who has treated you wrong. Every fight you had with your parents. Every time you miss your mother. Food used to cover all those things for me. Now I have people, best friends, my wonderful boyfriend, they have taken that place that food used to fill.
I hope each of you can find that filler for yourself too.
If you could go back in time and tell yourself something, what would you say?