Lovelyish

Make them semi-strictly online friends. Don’t try to hard to actually see them in person. It seems to me like they don’t think the effort is worth it. Vague answers usually means they see you as a “plan B” if their original plans dont work out.

For as loud and talkative I am I’m actually a pretty shy person. I contact friends and make conversation but it’s not a natural process for me because it’s difficult for me to communicate over a machine. I’m pretty easy to understand in person but I’m a nightmare when you take the human contact out.

When someone is unable to hold up their end it’s very difficult for me to reach any further because of the lack of face to face communication.   

A lot of people don’t realize what a spaz I am navigating a phone conversation so by calling someone, they don’t realize how hard I am trying to maintain a good friendship, so it frustrates me when someone doesn’t return with the same enthusiasm.

Really, the friends I care about are the ones who know what a re-re I am at these sorts of things so it’s never an issue with those friends anyway.

THIS is the story of my life! I eventually gave up, because I couldn’t deal with it anymore. Honestly though, why don’t you just tell them how you feel? Maybe they don’t even realize what they’re doing, or they don’t realize how much it bothers you. Speak your mind, because nobody can read it! : )

I definitely know what you’re talking about and, I’m said to admit that I often do this, too.

Let them know that it bothers you gently (with something like a “Hey, we kind of fail at meeting up don’t we… XD”) and if you don’t see more effort, then you’ll just have to stop putting as much effort as you do. When they initiate conversation, that’s fine, but I guess it’s about not pinning as much expectations, you know?

It’s a sad part of life. =[

Perhaps you find it difficult to keep in touch with your friends from high school because you don’t feel they fit into your life equation anymore.  The might have gone off to pursue different things or live a different lifestyle than you.  I, too, found it difficult to keep in touch with my friends immediately after high school.  It was a very confusing time in my life, I really didn’t know what I wanted to do with myself, our schedules didn’t allow for time to be spent, etc.  But after a few years, maybe 5 or 6 years after high school, I reconnected with many of them and have been great, close friends again.  During the first 5 years out of high school, we didn’t have Facebook, but we kept in touch through email, phone calls and text message/instant messages, but rarely.  Everyone was busy, but now that we’ve gotten into the swing of things, we’ve learned to manage our time better and made time to nurture our friends.  I would recommend focusing on your education, and the friends in your close vincinity until school’s finished.  You can still occasionally message your other friends to catch, but it sounds like they’ve got their plates full as well, or they’ve moved onto greener pastures.  It’s only natural for one to grow apart from some friends, as well grow up and decide that you want different things in your life.  It’s much easier to let go of someone you didn’t have a close attachment to then to be dumped by a friend in your face.  Be cordial.  You never know when your paths might cross again, and it’s best to have more bridges available when you need them.  One thing I learned is to grow some tough skin and never take anything too personal.  You will know when someone is your real friend.  And often, if you can count the number of real friends on one hand, consider yourself pretty lucky.  You will find that real friends will celebrate with you in the good times, cry with you in the worst times, always tell you the truth and accept you exactly for who you are.  Best wishes.

…people change, as do their circumstances.  It might just be that this is the situation they are comfortable with, and no need to get upset about.  It’s where their at right now and more likely than not, has nothing to do with you. 

Being a friend usually means accepting each others limitations.

I know what you mean I have recently thought about this too. When you go off to college, you meet people who are not from the same place as you, so you end up spending summer with childhood/HS friends. 

I would slowly drop the friends who don’t take initiative to keep in touch. There are friends with whom you will always feel connected to, no matter how long you haven’t seen each other, because there was a deep bond developed in the first place. 

I know what you mean. I think it’s a good time for you to meet new people. My friend’s dad told me that you’ll talk to your friends again when you’re 50 because everyone is busy right now. 

My problem is that there are some people that I used to be really close to but they can’t really handle the fact that I’m busy with work and school and extra curricular activities so they get mad and we started drifting apart because I can’t text them every damn day. It’s sad, but I’m sorry, when I’m not at work, I’m in class, when I’m not there i’m in a Sigma Tau Delta/Phi Kappa Phi/NSCS/Lit Club/Sentinel meeting. 

I had this problem, too. With my one friend, I finally realized that the friendship was over. It had been struggling for a while and then when we finally did see each other in person, it was like we didn’t even know each other anymore. I have another friend that I don’t want to give up on, but it’s difficult. Her family moved so the only time we can now see each other is during college (when we’re both extremely busy). I think you just have to evaluate which of those friends are worth it. 

Sounds like you’re pretty much facebook-only friends. Don’t attempt to hang out with them anymore, clearly, they don’t care that much about it, so why waste energy? If you’re alrght with having folks that you just update through fb, keep them around, if not, drop them.

I have this problem all the time and I hate it. I have pretty much lost all of my friends from high school because of it….

You can just keep them as online friends. I have a ton of those, but only a handful who will see me in person and hang out with me (and that’s fine with me). I can’t imagine 2000 people trying to see me all the time! Some friends you should keep in contact with in case one day you make a move into their area or land a job in their company or something. You never know. I have a few friends who have generally stopped talking to me, but if we’re in the same place we’ll hang out and catch up. Just be flexible and know friendships develop over time usually for the better (in terms of you).

i totally know what you mean! i swear i only really have my boyfriend as a friend lol

I can be pretty hard to make plans with because I am so busy, usually with work. It’s just a fact of my life that my friends have had to get used to.

What bugs ME is that I live about an hour and 10 minutes away from my core besties with whom I have been friends with since I was at least 5 and *I* have to drive up to see them, they very very rarely drive down to see me. They always claim they can’t afford it, or whatever other excuse, so I end up doing ALL the driving, and often, when I do get into town, I STILL do all the driving because there husband has the car, or their car is messy or has no gas in it. For me, my best friends are expensive, but I do it because I love them.

i have the same problem! i’ve learned to let go… i use to hang with these people all the time in high school, but since college started, we’ve lost touch, just the occasional fb wall post here and there. and for those who don’t even bother to talk to me, i just delete them from my friend’s list… i know i’ll never see them again, and if i do because a mutual friend invites the two of us to a party, then i’ll just casually say “hi” and by on my merry way.  i might sound harsh saying it, but they’re not worth keeping if they don’t reciprocate.

I don’t particularly enjoy “talking” via PingChat, cell phone, nextel, facebook, or any other way if it isn’t in person… or a video chat via Skype.
I just feel uncomfortable talking into a thing or typing out my conversation with a dear friend. That’s a big problem when it comes to keeping in touch… but I have managed to keep my closest friends from High School (except for one, but that’s just a whole different story that does not involve keeping in touch… we actually go to the same university).
I think you should cut them a little bit of slack and see where it goes in the future. It is perfectly normal for old friendships to just… fall apart. You don’t live in the same place, your interests change, theirs do too. It happens.

This annoys me so much too!

As much as I love my friends (who do this), if they’re not going to put in effort to maintain a friendship, I can’t be bothered to either.

I’ve been at that point before. I think this is just something that happens as a part of life, as bittersweetromanticsaid – all you can do is just stay in touch with them.

However, I definitely would NOT cut them off or give up on them – I did that with my high school friends when I got frustrated over their lack of staying in touch, and I’ve regretted that seriously for the past 4 years. TRUST me, even if it gets reduced to a mere online interaction here and there, it’s still worth keeping.

You know, people can tell you to end your friendships or whatever, but in a world already ruled by technological conversations, take what you already have and hold on. These people aren’t harming you or anything, and you seem to want to remain friends, so what would actually be helpful to you is to be decisive.

Yes, it’s sucky to have to put yourself out there but if these people are truly, and already, your friends, they aren’t judging and you won’t be rejected. They’re just lazy and busy. So tell them when you’re free, and ask what day works for them. Make super awesome plans and hold on to the summer while you can, aha.

i’m the vague friend. I don’t initiate contact.

at all.

and i don’t mention future plans of hanging out either.

I don’t know bout your vague friends but i always assume that my friends have lives that are more important than me. And i accept and am comfortable with being the occasional friend who’s available when needed. Like a dusty toy on the shelf, i’m always there just in case. I guess, really, I’m okay with being my friends “Plan B.”

I don’t put effort into friendships, except to be dependable, so if i’m invited specifically or asked to do something or be somewhere- I do it.

I’ve considered that i may be what they call a “Fair- weather” friend, but my friend’s tend to contact me more often when things aren’t going so well. So, i’m not sure what to make of that.

But anyway, Your friends may just be comfortable being your friend in an online kinda way. and unless you are SUPER interested in hanging out, it’ll probably never happen. It’s not that they don’t like you, probably, it’s just ….*shrugs*

“making plans with them is like freaking pulling teeth.” my best friend is like this. it frustrates me to no end. when we happen to see each other at church [when she's home on break], everything’s great, but when i try to make plans with her, she’s always busy and she tends to not answer messages and/or wait until the last minute to tell me she can’t hang out. i’ve even talked to her about it and nothing’s changed. i think i’ve hung out with her twice this summer and she leaves today. in fact, she told me she’d text me when she was done packing to let me know if she had time to hang out. she hasn’t done that yet. i bet she’s gone by now.

Eh I’ve been feeling like this too. It’s really hard and frustrating sometimes.

I wish I had a real solution to this, which is difficult because I’m going through this too. But the only answer is to try and weed out who cares about you, because I have a friend who I’m very close with, but she’s also very flaky. So it’s…kind of difficult.

Keep them purely as “Facebook friends”.  I guess that works for me… heh.

Hmm.. well, not being rude when I say this, you know how you lost interest in hanging out with some friends? Maybe the friends that don’t make an effort have lost interest in you. It’s probably nothing personal, it just happens a lot when you go to college or even just graduate high school. Don’t take it personally but I would probably say something like, “If you have an interest in hanging out, let me know when you’re free.” & leave it at that. Might just be a waste of time to try so hard, you know?

I can’t help you here. All my friendships are one-side this way, even for initiating conversation. It sucks