Lovelyish

after a while I’ve just found that it’s easier (and even more enjoyable) to just hang out with like minded people. but that’s just me.

I don’t drink either. It can be a little awkward, but I just explain that I’m the designated driver rather than say I don’t drink alcohol at all. My close friends don’t have a problem with it, it’s other people who are weird about it. 

I rarely drink…rarely. A lot of people don’t care, pretty adult about it.

I’ve noticed that a lot of people get blitzed EVERY weekend (and on some week days) in college.  I don’t drink, I hate what it does to people, and after having seen all the alcoholism that runs through my family, I doubt I’ll ever feel a desire to get drunk.  ANYWAY.

Like the first commenter said, I tend to stick with like-minded people.  But if they’re your friends, they’ll respect your decision not to drink, and hopefully they’ll include you in their activities that don’t involve drinking, at least sometimes.  However… I fear that you may drift apart due to the separate lifestyles.  People who drink heavily and people who don’t drink at all DO have totally different lifestyles, as far as I’ve seen with my own eyes.

Good luck with your situation!

I haven’t really lost friends (I’m a teetotaller, but I have a high intolerance to alcohol anyway… think Asian flush to the max) but I have drifted from some. If I hang out with a group of friends who do drink, I’m usually not the only DD so I’ll have some company. In most cases, my friends drink socially and not to get drunk. At the very least, they tend to be respectful enough of me to not get trashed. If you can’t find likeminded people, look for those who are willing to keep hanging out with you + shared hobbies and booze apart. My boyfriend drinks casually, though never to get drunk, and he has since he was in high school but in the past six months we’ve been together, he’s had one beer around me.

Admittedly, it is a bit harder to make friends in college when you’re not getting wasted at every kegger in the neighbourhood, especially if you admit that you don’t even drink to begin with.

I was the same, as a teenager, and even now at 27, I’ve never been drunk for similar reasons.  I’ve found a few drinks I can tolerate and even enjoy now, but I’ve never had alcohol for the sake of being drunk.  I can give you a few thoughts, if you wish, based on my own experience. Take it or leave it.

Number one:  Stop being such a tightass.  They probably wouldn’t lie to you about  drinking if you reacted less haughily about it.  They probably dont’ want to disappoint you, which is why they’d bend the truth.  I’m not saying it’s right, but if they’re acting that way, it’s probably for a reason.  Have you made them feel bad about it? 

Now don’t get me wrong: I understand fully how uncomfortable it can be when everyone around you is puking/screaming/being ridiculously stupid, and you have to be around for it.  But here’s the kicker: you DON’T have to be around it.  I used to get as pissed off as you about this… but the thing is, while I dont’ agree with crazy teenage drinking: it’s going to happen anyway.  Not to generalize, but this is a time in life to try things, to do stupid shit, and your friends are going with that full-on.  It’s fine that you’re taking a measured, mature approach… but it’s also fine (as long as they’re not endangering themselves or others) that they’re doing it too, because as you’ll see down the line, the opportunity for such experiences comes a lot more rarely later on.  They’re doing what they want to do, but you can too, and no one has to be unhappy. 

Number 2: Ask yourself why you are around friends who make you uncomfortable.  What do you have in common with them? My point is: You don’t have to go to the parties, you don’t have to be around them when they’re like that if you don’t like it.  You can chill with those people when they’re doing the things you have in common with them, in an atmosphere of “live and let live”, if you will.  If there’s nothing beyond that that keeps you guys together though, outside of parties, maybe you should consider hanging around folks you have more in common with. 

Just be honest with yourself and others, and be respectful is my advice.  Everyone’s going to experience things in their own way.  While it’s tiresome, take the time to explain your choice.  I’m sure they’ll respect it, and inversely, you can respect theirs.  They might be looking pretty stupid, but as a non-drinker, I’ve always sort of been envious of the stories of drunkery drinkers have.  But you’ll live your own experiences your own way.

Anyway, I’m rambling.  Point is, do what you wanna do, live and let live.  It’ll be alright, there are others like you out there.

Rather they get wasted for fun than wasted out of depression or anger. I went through a lot of friends before I turned 21 because lifestyles really start to change at that point. Some people go partying, like to smoke, some people focus more on school, some more on friends. It’s OK to say “I really like you as a friend but I can’t be your friend when you’re doing this.” And you can either be their friend other times or realize that you two just aren’t meshing anymore. Which sucks, but sometimes it just happens.

I don’t drink either, and have pretty much the same attitude as you. But since going to college, I learned that I had to loosen up about it. People drink — it’s just a fact of life. My close friends are pretty like-minded, but for those that aren’t, I let them do their thing as long as I don’t have to take care of them when they’re puking, and as long as they don’t pressure me to drink. You should probably try to be okay with them having a drink or two around you, but make very clear that being lied to is NOT okay. You shouldn’t have to deal with something you absolutely don’t want to.

I am straight edge and happy about it. I do not need to depend on alcohol for any reason. It’s unhealthy, deadly, and disgusting.

I care about my life so that’s why I do not drink.

I like to say that I have two sets of friends. I’ve never taken a drink of alcohol. For a while, I was very close to a group who drank. They were & still are some of my best friends. But things happened that separated me from them (we’re still friends though, I just don’t hang out with them hardly anymore). I never had a problem with them drinking. We hung out on New Years and EVERYONE but myself had a drink. Well… got drunk. I’ve always been the DD when around them. It’s kinda fun getting to drive everyone’s vehicles.

My other set of friends are closer to me. They don’t drink, either. We love joking around at how we can get into crazy, idiotic stuff and have an awesome time AND remember what we did. Sans alcohol. XD

Anyway, It’s all about what YOU want. If you don’t want to be around people who drink, then don’t. Tell them you’re not comfortable with it. You’ll be lying to yourself and to them if you continue to battle whether or not you want to hang with them. I know friendship is important, but you need to make sure that it’s healthy, too.

Guess I’m in the minority here…I drink, but my friends don’t.  That’s not to say they never drink…but they do it a lot less often than I do (which is once a week at the most).  I think there is a middle ground; drinking for fun doesn’t make someone an alcoholic or a bad person, but the problem is that most people (especially when underage) don’t know when to stop, and they also combine drinking with really stupid stuff like driving or sex.  Dumb dumb dumb dumb.

I guess you have to consider how important the disparity is to you.  It’s definitely true that the binge drinking lifestyle is totally different from yours…I didn’t really drink at all in college for that very reason.  I didn’t want to be a part of the “get wasted every Friday and Saturday night because that’s what you do in college” crowd.  If you feel strongly enough about it that you don’t respect anyone who drinks for fun, then you might have to explore the possibility of hanging out with a different crowd.  Either that or just lighten up on it a little bit.  I don’t mean that to be bitchy…but if you really do feel that strongly about it, it’s going to be difficult to be friends with people you don’t respect or that you don’t feel comfortable being with when they drink.

I have a lot of respect for people that choose not to drink because it’s hard thing to stick to sometimes…I chose not to while underage and didn’t start until I was 21 and (almost) out of college.  I think a lot of people grow out of the party phase and learn that you can drink responsibly if you keep your head on straight.  It’s not all about puking in alleys or falling down on the sidewalk for everybody

You’re not always going to like the things your friends do. That is just a fact. Unless they’re doing something that is going to kill themselves or severely hurt others then it is none of your business. I don’t drink either but it’s because both of my parents were alcoholics. And despite that I have tried alcohol once in a blue moon and it turns out I hate the taste of it anyway regardless of the emotional reasons.

If I can’t handle being around someone that is drinking at the time I just leave. Some of my friends are nice enough to ask me if it’s ok to break out the booze because they know the shit I’ve been through. But I aboslutely cannot be around people who can’t relax without a drink. It reminds me of how it started with my mother. As well as people who decide buying a bottle of vodka is more important then buying groceries or paying the bills. Anything that is destructive when it comes to alcohol, I will not tolerate. My boyfriends mother is like that and unfortunately we are living with her now. I try to avoid her like the plauge because I just can’t help the way her drinking makes me feel. So you’re free to have your thoughts and feelings about alcohol but understand that if you want others to respect the fact that you don’t want them to do it around you then you have to at least accept that it’s what they do.

Well, you don’t respect them because they get drunk AND you feel betrayed by them… Sounds like you need some new friends. Anyways, I hope you’ve at least been drunk before. Otherwise, you’re being ignorant. Alcohol, yes, in larger amounts, will make one act dumb. But sometimes acting dumb among all of your friends who won’t judge you is a ton of fun- who wouldn’t want to act dumb and silly and wild with all of their best friends? On the other hand, having a drink or two on an evening can be relaxing and cause one to let loose, something we all need once in a while. Getting hammered and blacking out every week? Not ok. Getting drunk, especially at such a young and carefree age? As long as you’re safe and not drinking and driving, go crazy. 

What a way to generalize. There is a difference between getting drunk every weekend and drinking responsibly, which is what I do. A couple of drinks every now and then do not make me the person you described, which is someone who acts “incredibly stupid, forgetful, and regretful.”

I think that your friends lie to you about drinking because they know what your reaction will be, and that is one that will just annoy them.
You know how you feel self-conscious about what will happen because you don’t drink? How they will react? That’s what their probably thinking when you ask them if they’ve had any drinks.

As for friends who pressure you into doing something you don’t want to do, then you do have to get a bit far from those friendships… but then again, you’re pretty much pressuring your friends into doing what you want them to do: not drink.

There’s nothing wrong with responsible drinking, accept that it is something that happens and if you don’t want to be around people who drink too much then just DON’T.

I have the same exact problem as you. I’m going to be 18 in 2 weeks, and my boyfriend drinks often. We’ve been together almost 3 years, so I’m not going to leave him for something as dumb as drinking, but it does bother me. & it bothers him that I don’t drink because he always wants to bring me to parties, but I always refuse. Why would I wanna go sit at a party & be the only one sober?

I believe in waiting until you’re legally old enough to drink, and even when I’m 21, I probably won’t. I hate the taste of alcohol. & many people think I’m stuck up because of it, but whatever. I do consider myself a hell of a lot better than those who drink & party underage, and much more mature & responsible.

I used to never drink. I hated the smell of alcohol, the taste, the way it made me feel, everything. But then I found a few things I really liked. They are not very strong, so I would need to drink a lottttt to get drunk. And honestly, sometimes I do. But at parties and stuff, I don’t want to just sit and watch as my friends play drinking games, so I’m glad I found some things that I like. Don’t rule out alcohol. Having the occassional drink, especially one thats only like, 5%, will not get you drunk, act stupid, forgetful, etc.

I seriously thought I was the only one with this problem. Since I’m surrounded by people who drink all the time I started to feel like I was the only person out there who doesn’t get into the whole “getting drunk” thing. I’m glad to know that I’m not the only one out there who doesn’t drink.

In highschool my group of girls were all into drinking except for 2 others, and 1 had a love/hate relationship with drinking. As the years progressed the 2 got into it and the 1 got out of the hype. I still get invited to their parties and stuff but I turn them down. They did try to get me to drink though, and go on about how “OH TONIGHT WE’RE GONNA GET YOU SMAAASHED” Yeah no thanks. It’s pretty useless trying to get into something that you’re not into. 

Well then why do you go into situations with them where they could be getting drunk? If you find the only place you hang out with these people are places that they like to get drunk, maybe you shouldn’t be friends with them. And also, I would recommend you loosen up a little bit. I don’t care if you dislike drinking, I don’t like getting wasted either, but if no one is doing anything to you while drunk why do you care what they do? There’s nothing wrong with having a couple of drinks every now and then, and there are actually some really good cocktails out there that don’t taste or smell like alcohol. I recommend smirnoff ice to start off with (when you turn 21 of course!)

I use to not drink all that often, but that seems to be more or less not having the chance to. I am normally DD, and when I go to parties that is what I tell people, I don’t mind being around drunk friends, I honestly find amusement in it. Honestly, drinking and getting a little silly is a great get away once in a while.

Try having a drink once in a while, like coolers. Go to a few parties, just say you are DD or hold a drink so people won’t ask.

I’m allergic to alcohol and it never bothered me until i moved to Ecuador. They don’t know how to have a “good time” here without excessive alcohol. I used to go hang out with them either way. But, after a couple of times…where they tried to convince me to drink and i kept telling them i couldn’t (and i didn’t really want to anyways cos on top of being allergic i think it tastes bad in general)…they stopped inviting me. They won’t hang out with me because i’m not like them. I was perfectly content just watching and dancing with them once they got drunk enough…but to them you aren’t “one of them” unless you are drinking yourself. I can’t drive…so i can’t be any sort of designated driver…and they SWEAR this one guy drives BETTER when he’s drunk so they don’t want one either way. So yeah…it ended up me having no friends here….and i can’t wait to leave and head back to the states where people don’t judge you for not being able to drink.

@nimbusthedragon@xanga - i couldn’t have said it better myself!

Not many of my friends drink…and neither do I.

If I was in that situation, I guess I would stop being such a pussy.

Or get some new friends. If you feel this strongly about it, then why are you so worried about losing friends?

Clearly you care about your values more than your friends, so why even beat around the bush?

And it’s ok to have values, really, it is. People with values are stronger people. I personally enjoy drinking. But I commend you for having your own values.

Honestly though, if those are your values, then you better go all the way with them. Otherwise, you are just a hypocrite. If you don’t want to be friends with someone because of the way they are acting, then DON’T BE FRIENDS WITH THEM. STOP WHINING ABOUT IT.

Maybe once they realise that they actually lost friends over something like that, they will change their ways. If they don’t give a shit, then they’re not really too great of friends, are they? & Maybe you should stop wasting your time & find better friends that care about you & match your values.

I’m the person that does drink. See I don’t think its such a big issue that your friends are drinking, the real issue is that they do it to get absolutely fucked up. If they go to a party but are chill about it, you know 2 shots and thats it for the night or one game of beer pong or they take just one beer or drink that they have with them the entire night, sweet lay off a bit and let them do their thing, they already know your against it but they aren’t being a danger to anyone. BUT, if everyweekend they are like “I’m bored…we need to get wasted….then that’s different and you have every right to be upset, but don’t impose your views on them. In highschool I think I could count on my two hands the number of people that didn’t drink, its kind of a given that teenagers are going to be doing stupid shit and you kind of have to let your friends get that out of their system, and this might take awhile because college is kinda the same deal except people are more ambivalent about the issue as long as you don’t stand in the way of a good time. I have 3 friends that don’t drink and 4 people that are against smoking but I still am able to hang out with them because we understand that these are our views and values and we accept the fact that we will just agree to disagree. So you can either be there for your friends in other ways while they learn some lessons or be done with them if you can’t take the fact you guys stand on different sides of the issue. It really is that simple.

I am the EXACT same way… Sadly, I’m drifting away from those friends because it just bothers me so much. That & the fact they’re so busy getting wasted all the time that they never really talk to me anymore =/. It really sucks since I’ve known them since elementary and middle school but… what can you do. I just hope that they have a reality check or something soon and realize what they’re doing. Thankfully, the friend I’ve been closest with for the longest has kept the balance between college and partying. My other old best friend like completely flunked every single one of her classes.

I think the hardest part is that you shouldnt have to change for people. But when you love the people that do the things you hate, what else is there to do?

My personal opinion? What bugs me is my boyfriend is way too young to be drinking, especially because he is so ambitious and alcohol can ruin people. And while this bugs me, he is very very smart. I trust him, i just dont trust his friends. But it is hard to know that if you dont speak up about it, they will think you are okay with it, or something bad could happen. But if you do speak up about it, you will seem like a kill-joy or too controlling.

I am only 16 and see no point to drinking and probably wont for a long time. I have never allowed myself to go to a party because i am scared to death of how i would feel seeing my boyfriend, who i love, doing something that i absolutely despise. Drinking is still really new among my friends. So it is bound to get to the rest of them soon.

For me it is about protection. He is supposed to protect me and be there for me, but he cant do that with a drink in his hand.

But my conclusion: I havent figured it out yet. I just told him that he needs to tell me the truth and just hurt me because that is better than him lying to me about it. Sometimes I feel like maybe if i was around it i would just get used to it, but i dont want to risk seeing him that way because he absolutely means the world to me and him not being a drinker was one of the reasons we got along so well in the first place.

So yes, i still dont know what to do. Maybe just accept the fact that everything happens for a reason. Let it be.