Lovelyish

Yes. Lying will just come back to bite you in the ass, why bother with the drama?

…………Or you could just acknowledge the fact that you’ve both grown up.  If you were great friends, as you’ve said, I’m sure that the two of you can be civil toward one another.  My best friend and I are monumentally different, but it’s about growing up, not growing apart.  You shouldn’t give up on a friendship simply because you think the big city girl and small country girl can no longer have any common ground.  That’s just silly.  Try to get to know her again, I bet you’ll be pleasantly surprised at how much the two of you still have in common.

If you’re upfront about stuff, it’s more painful initially, but it cuts through a ton of that drawn-out, endlessly annoying crap you would have to suffer through later.  Being honest and straightforward is always the best policy long-term.

i have two best friends who are basically like my sisters. if one of us is having a bad hair day, we tell each other. if one of us is thinking about wearing something unflattering and they ask for an opinion, we will tell the truth. 

that being said, I’ve had a few friends who have changed, become different people, and we first stopped talking and then stopped being friends. Now, whenever we see each other it’s always awkward because we can never address the elephant in the room. It would have been nice to talk to these people and just get some insight and closure about our ending friendship.

Wow, very snobby. Unless you’re leaving something out, you basically feel uncomfortable around her now because, having moved and gone to college, you are way too cool and mature for someone staying at home and keeping her life the same as it always was. She *might* like her life the way it is, who knows?

I say don’t bother telling her. She’s figured it out by now, and an official “dumping” will just bring back the pain of being so shabbily treated by someone who she thought was her best friend.  

Yup. The truth hurts but lies hurt worse.

Truth keeps people out of limbo. Wouldn’t you want the truth?

@ohveryoung@xanga - i agree with you so much. given that i was the friend who’s best friend.. and her “grew apart” .. I think the whole, “nothing in common” and growing apart shit is just excuses. a big thing is making time for people you want in your life. like really.. giving up your best friend because you moved on to bigger and better things is what it sounds like to me.. bs

You can tell the truth without sounding like an asshole. Just tell her the logical reasons why you don’t hang out with her anymore. And if she can’t handle it well that is her problem. Nothing more you can do. I rarely ever lie to my friends but I do leave certain details out sometimes. There are just some things that I think or do that people can’t handle and nothing productive will come out of me saying literally EVERYTHING I think. Cause at that point you cross the line and move into opinionated bitch territory and I don’t want to be that kind of person.

Of course I tell the truth. Lying is just childish and is just going hurt more when it comes out in the end.

It sounds like you don’t want to be her friend because you went to college and she didn’t.

hahaha NO. i dont think they will accept me as i truly are. but yes, i do have friends that i tell everything to. but i wish my closest friends could accept me

i know what you mean, it happend to me too, with my best friend of 6 or 7 years. it just happened that we stoped talking – we hear occasionally but even then i see she’s just the same goose i actually can’t listen. well, i have changed and she perhaps did, too.. but not in a good way.
anyways, don’t feel guilty, don’t start THE talk with her unless she does and then explain what you feel – if she will be hurt, she has to get over with. losing a friend in any way is hard, it was probably for you too, at least sometimes.

I do agree that just because you went away for college and your friend stayed behind doesn’t mean that you should have stopped the friendship. Your friend probably has undoubtably changed through experiences of her own that had helped her grown into an adult. I think it’s kinda sad  you choose to stop what you said was a great friendship simply because you thought you two had nothing in common anymore.

I don’t think you should have an “official” talk with her at this point. HOWEVER, there’s always a chance that you two coule end up being friends again. My best friend since high school said some really mean things to me after my first serious relationship and we didn’t talk for a few years. But then, we reconnected again. Our friendship won’t be the same but at least we’re working on it. That’s the grown up thing to do.

I never went to a 4 year college or university and pretty much stayed close to home. But that doesn’t discredit the life experiences I’ve had since high school.

Honestly, unless you’ve left out something important as to why you two are no longer friends, I think it should have been better if you were honest with her prior to going to college.

As for being truthful with friends, I think it depends on what the person and what type of relationship I have with them.. If it’s a haircut/color or clothes, I try to very honest about it. If it’s a decision about moving or other important life change, unless the person is my best friend or family member, I more or less try to edit what I say. Some people I know really don’t like or know how unedited I can be.

But even if I have to talk to someone about a friendship, I always try to do it in the upmost respectful and private matter with said person.

alright well everyone seems a tad bitchy on here but ohkay . i guess i’ll be the only one to go against the grain [ what else is new ] . i completely understand what you’re saying and where you’re coming from. i was in the very same situation – i went away for school and my friend stayed at home, living with her parents + the only time she left the house was when her mom took her to work and then came to pick her up. she had the same exact routine every single day and nothing ever changed. when we would talk i felt like i was monopolizing the conversation with my new and exciting adventures of college life while she repeatily said the same thing over and over. no one tells the truth 100% of the time + if you say that you do then you’re a fucking liar – HA the irony . there’s really no ” good ” solution to this problem so just let it be as is .

If it had to be said and there was no way around it..then yes, I would be honest but usually I do lie a lot. I don’t wanna hurt people or their feelings for no reason or for any reason, so when I do have to tell the truth, I’m always ready for the consequences.