Lovelyish

I am civilized with two of my exes, and that’s only because I had to see them on a regular basis at one point. The others can go jump off a cliff for all I care.

I’ve tried to think I can be friends with my exs… I’ve been hurt b/c of it… I’ll think we’re just friends and he doesnt… which makes for a very awkward situation! I actually had an ex that I thought I was just FRIENDS with, try to do inappropriate things with me YESTERDAY just because “we’ve done it before” … ?!?! no?

Yes. My only ex and I are actually pretty good friends these days, even after our extremely bitter breakup. She was my first dance partner when I was learning to swing (I continued on to be a competitive dancer, she gave it up shortly thereafter), I reviewed and looked over the calculations in her thesis for her, and we still talk over skype and chat a lot (she’s in another country altogether now, as am I.

So although I’m nowhere near over her, were amicable and remain good friends. I just don’t really like her d-bag husband that much, lol!

Yes, you can. You just have to be somewhat repulsed by each other and life can go on. I’m pretty good friends with my ex and we get drunk at the bar and point out girls we think are cute, lol. He’s a failure at picking up chicks though. Poor dude. How’d he ever catch a dame like me?

Also, if helps if you have mutual friends you can also hang out with to buffer out the initial awkwardness. But mostly…you have to find each other gross…like thoughts of being intimate with my exe. *barf* *barf* *barf*

But I totally have one-to-one convos, give him dating advice (since he royally f-ed up with me), we hang out, and all sorts of stuff.

I think there needs to be distance between the breakup and the friendship. My first ex and I might be getting together this week for the first time in years, so we’ll see how that goes. We’ve been broken up for two years now.

Yes you can 100% be friends with your ex. But I think it depends on how the relationship ended, how close you were in the relationship, and how long the relationship lasted.

Oh and maturity and personality play a huge role too.

It is hard to be friends with someone that broke your heart… for a guy or a girl. But with time it can get easier. You will never be as close of friends as you were when you were in the relationship with the person, but you can be friends.

It’s possible, but rare. My relationship that lasted 6 years was very emotional, and we keep in touch but minimally so because feelings are still there and it just doesn’t work to be just friends after you have grown to be in love with someones, especially for that long. Now I have a few boyfriends who I dated for 6 months or less and I am friends with them with no problem.

depends, really. I’m good friends with one of my exes but he’s always been very logical and sweet. My other ex however has always been jealous and immature soooo hah

but yeah I think between mature, non-tragically ended relationships, things can work out platonically as long as everyone knows what to expect. 

Nah, tried, doesn’t work. Once you date, it’s never really the same.

I can say we’re friends but actually hanging out with an ex, not so much…I probably had sex with the guy and to be casual with someone I was so hot and heavy over for a while is just emotionally confusing, especially if we ended with things unresolved. It would be too much temptation, unless I had hated the guy…and then I obviously wouldn’t want to hang out with him.

If I wasn’t very physical with him and we realized the chemistry wasn’t there, then it wouldn’t be a problem.

Yes, under certain conditions.  I’m acquaintances with an ex of mine.  We dated for about a week (after having been friends for a while), and decided mutually that we weren’t a good fit.  So… I don’t know if you can really consider that a true boyfriend, but that’s not my point.

I do not believe that you can remain friends with someone after you’ve slept with them.  I think there’s just too much awkwardness and “oh-yeah-I-got-intimate-with-you…” buuuuut, I never say never.

depends, at the moment, I’m friends with my last ex, we’ve been together for 2 years and gotten along well, some dramas but everything ends in understanding, so when we broke up, it was surprising to her that I wasn’t dramatic about it, pretty cool, calm and collect, and still a support to her when she needs.  in turn, her cousin who was dating her ex, basically in a similar situation as my ex and I, their relationship ended very bad, and her ex was supposed to be the one who was cool, calm, and collected… (just something to throw in there but it could have been a slight factor as to why my ex and I smoothly were able to be friends.)

in any case, with understand between you two, then you can be friends, and pretty good friends for that matter as you both would know each other well and can help each other through things in life on certain mental and emotional levels. a lack of understanding means that less likely for you and him to be friends, or at least decent friends

I just recently broke up with a boyfriend I dated for a year. We aren’t on good terms. He seems not warming up to the idea of talking. I am way too heartbroken to even give him the benefit of friendship with him. I was a good person to him and I felt I deserved better.

On the other hand, unlike recent ex, I am still very good friends with the ex before recent ex. We talk everyday and I think we have a really good relationship friendship wise. It fell in that way because we established to one another that we can never go back to dating again, however we are really close friends. It makes me think every single day if he was the one and if I blew a really good thing. There’s no question about it, staying friends with someone you loved dearly means you had something special with them.  God has a plan for us all. That’s all I’m keeping in mind.

I don’t believe you can unless you are really, totally, and truly okay with the person. I will never be okay with being around my exes.

they just say hi to me if they happen to see me, but that’s it. I don’t get personal with them because I just don’t care to know anything about them and won’t include them in my present and future since they don’t deserve a place in my life it depends on how the relationship ended.

Yes, but it may not always be the best thing. Some relationships need to just be over and move on from. 

i have the same question. i think its hard if you were never friends to begin with and just went straight into being in a relationship. also, i think if you’re attracted to your ex or they’re attracted to you, there’s always going to be that elephant in the room saying “i did dirty things with you”. 

i dont know. 

i think its impossible. either a.) ill always feel something for them b.) theyre douches and i dont want to know them anymore or c.) ill be sexually attracted to them still and either they wanna be friends with benefits or ill be sad cuz i want to be more to them like i was before. so it is impossible in my case. 

personally, i think some people can forget the emotions while others can’t its just the way it is. for me i can’t just because it is hard to not remember the times we were together. idk i guess over time it just fades away but i feel like people keep their exes around as a safety blanket. 

possible with some time maybe?

I’m definitely friends with one of mine. We broke up like 3 years ago and now we hang out all of the time, no problems. Another one is only friends with me when his girlfriend says it’s okay. And yet another is NOT someone I even want to be friends with because he only sees me as a vagina, not as an actual person. So I guess it just kinda depends.

@Joobie82@xanga - “probably” had sex with the guy? oh, i’d love to hear this story…

If it was a serious relationship, no.

@hallentine@xanga - ”probably” as in, if I was dating him I was probably scrogging him.

I think you should just let it go, your boy/girl friend is like a friend that you can kiss and once you end the intimate relationship the friendship ends too. It’s all gone.

My ex refuses to be friends with me because his exact words are, “we can’t be friends, I’ll want you too much..” which makes me think ….why did we break up??

I don’t know, I’m having a hard time with this. The guy I broke up with back in 2009 was my first real, deep love. I’m at a place where I can think of him as a friend, but I don’t know if he is yet. Any time we talk he talks only about himself and doesn’t ask anything about me, and when I see him he’s really mean to me but says it in an “ohhh im just kidding” kind of way to where I”m like “oh…haha?” I mean I don’t know. I would like to be his friend because he was an important part of my life and I would like to continue to have his friendship, but whatever, maybe it’s for the best. :/

I think that one or other of you/us is going to want more than the other… so while one person might feel perfectly comfortable with being just friends, the other still has deeper feelings and wants more out of the “friendship.” I also kind of have to mention the ladder theory here, which basically says it’s impossible for guys and girls to be “just friends” period.
Personally, I’ve only dated a couple guys, but I don’t talk to any of the them anymore. My most recent ex was interested in staying friends and hanging out or whatever, but his BS is just too much and I know he had more than just friendship in mind. Plus he was always kind of manipulative and controlling, and between that, his BS and his immaturity, I just don’t want to have anything to do with him for awhile.

wow, this is exactly where i am now. except we never really even started dating or anything. but totally understand where you are at and wishes it can be solved easily  

saddens me to see that i’ve “lost” a friend at the moment. 

me and my girlfriend broke up over a month ago, these sounds like things she’d say or said. 

she just meant too much to me for her to just be just a friend. and i’d rather not be around when she finds my replacement,

i’m on good terms with all of mine lol. we’re friends!

of course you can!!

i m really good friend with my exex bf and we are planning to taking surf class

Well if you never loved each other it’s pretty easy

I have an ex who I am pseudo-friends with (and the relationship ended poorly). We’re friends on FB, we text occasionally, and I’ve seen him twice in the last year. Though, we do live 2.5 hours away so I don’t see a lot of people where he is.

What if, that it’s not him misunderstanding that you wanting to be friend is a sign of wanting to get back together, but rather you wanting to be a friend makes him afraid that he will want you back again? : O

My two exes from major, life-defining, long-term relationships are two of my best friends.  It was hard and it took awhile, and I hooked up with both of them long after the ends of the relationships, but we’ve all moved on (both figuratively and to other cities), and it’s kind of expected that I will see them whenever I’m in town, and still call each other up whenever we need to talk.

I have been in the past, although we didn’t have a very strong emotional connection to each other.  I actually think we just dated because everyone thought we’d be a good match.  We were friends before, tried dating, and then decided we were better off as just friends.  My other ex though, I’m not sure I could.  I broke it off with him, but I’m not sure I could ever be just friends with him.  I mean, I loved the guy, we were just at very different points in life.

It doesn’t seem like a good idea most of the time. And anyway, why would you want to? It’s not really necessary, and I hate that most of our generation seems to think that it is.

I’m not so short on friends that I need to keep in touch with the dudes who I had a reason not to stay with. I certainly don’t want them knowing every detail of my life now.

Depends on how much you loved each other, if you did at all.

it depends on the ex and the breakup. if the ex isn’t a doucher, if it was a clean breakup with no drama, and you’re totally done with the romance part of it, yeah sure i can be friends with him. but if he was an abusive asshole to me who threatened my life and that of my friends, or if there’s attraction still there for either party, or if it’s too emotional or dramatic…no. no contact is the best idea with anyone like that.

one of my exes is my brother-in-law now…and we wouldn’t touch each other romantically with a ten-foot pole. he was too much like a brother in the first place, we both know we shouldn’t have gotten involved.

another one of my exes is “My First” and we’re actually pretty good friends, but i don’t spend any time alone with him because he’s still attracted to me and knows how to turn me on….just not a good scenario. so we’re friends but only over the phone/text/net or with groups of people.

and my last ex (THE VERY LAST EX EVER, because i’m engaged now to the love of my life)…he was dangerous. restraining orders were involved when we seperated, and during the whole divorce proceeding, and i still will never allow him near me, our children, or any of my loved ones if i can help it. if my fiance ever sees him, his life will probably end. so that’s one ex i know i’ll never be friends with.

all but one of my ex is still friends with me.  sucks but he chose not to be my friend but it’s better this way.

I’m really good friends with 3 out of 4 of my exes.  It took time, but actually I only have a few really good friends, and my exes take up a good portion of them!   I think there’s a reason you two were attracted to each other in the first place, a connection.  Why waste that just because you didn’t work out as a couple?  But, both of you need to realize that. 

it usually involves “friends with benefits” if so.

I’m like best friends with my very first boyfriend ever, and I’m really close to another guy I only dated for about a month, if that. I feel like even though we dated and had sex our relationship has been more defined by our friendship. And my first boyfriend ever and I broke up five years ago, so yeah…definitely defined more by our friendship, which has lasted a lot longer than the ten months that we dated.

…And there was no funny business / friends with benefits crap with either of these two. Clean breaks. 

I think it depends on the people and the situation. I’ve had no trouble transitioning back to friends with my ex, but I’ve known others who haven’t been able to make it work or have no desire to be friends with their exes.

it can be done. it all depends on how the relationship ened. my very first boyfriend and i ended it because of the distance, so we are still civil to each other. my second boyfriend was my first SERIOUS relationship. we dated for a year and then i found out that over the course of that entire year, he cheated on me with 4 different girls. so obviously, i despise him and do not talk to him. my third boyfriend and i mutually broke up. the spark just wasn’t there anymore, but we occasionally talk.

basically, it can be done, given that you didn’t break up because of cheating, abuse, lying, etc.

I agree with cheesecakeloverk. My thoughts are the same. You liked these people for a reason when you agree to go out with. Granted they aren’t genuine jerks, why waste a good relationship just because you couldn’t make it as a couple. You never know. You could be letting the best friend you could ever have just walk on by.

As for me, I’m close friends with four of my ex’s. Some I had relationships with when we dated that could never be replaced by another. All of them I can still comfortably joke around with and talk to about my current relationship. One of which I share a phone bill with. When these guys loved me to death, but we had smooth break ups (Ok, I’m lying about one. He bawled when I broke up with him, but he is the one I share me phone with.). If anything, I think we are even closer than when we were dating.

The only ex boyfriends I didn’t stay close friend with were ones that were socially awkward. I’m still nice to them though and can hold a good conversation when I do see them.

I’m the exception to every rule… well when it comes to girls and guys relationships. I only have close guy friends; exception of one girl only because she is a copy of me in a different body. No joke. And, I am best friends with one of my ex boyfriends.

Really, it comes down to both parties. If one isn’t comfortable and makes the other feel so as well, then there is no way but if  one person can make the other comfortable about being friends, it works.

I dated my best friend when we were seventeen (we’re now twenty two) and we get along like a house on fire. I have no romantic feelings for him, but he’s still my best friend, even though we’ve dated before. I think it’s possible if you give enough space between the break-up and trying to stay friends. You can’t go from being in a relationship to being friends straight away – it’s too raw.

I think you have to cut ties once it’s over. It makes things difficult sometimes. 

Yeah, Im friends with all my ex’s. Our problems in our relationship had nothing to do with our friendship. Some people just dont know how to separate the two. Then again, I am seeing that most girls arent friends with the guys before they start dating and all of my boyfriends had been good friends of mine beforehand. 

It’s definitely possible. I’m still pretty close with all of my exes. I’d say that the most important thing, in my experience anyways, is to let the two of you have some time apart before you try the whole “friend” thing. I tried to jump into friend mode right away with one of my exes, and it did NOT end well. We eventually made it work, but in general, you need to make sure both of you have enough time to resolve any emotional attachments.

You said you’re ready to be friends, but you don’t think he is. That doesn’t necessarily mean he never will be (I’m sure it didn’t happen overnight for you either), you two are just moving at different paces. I’d say, back off for a bit and give him some time to work things out for himself.

It’s seemingly impossible for me and my ex. We had our good times, bad times, basically your post sums it up in a nutshell. We started off dating without really easing into a friendship first. Instant connection, and it lasted 4 years which changed my life forever.

Now that we’ve broken up though, there’s not much communication. We ran into each other a few times since March and it hasn’t been awkward, just some sexual tension and watching what you say, you know? I’m not IN love with him, but I love him. He’s honestly one of the most genuine people I’ve ever met, and I’d hate to lose him for good but I don’t want having a commited relationship with him to be the way.

Maybe you just can’t be friends with someone you’ve loved deeply before.

Just look at Carrie and Big. Didn’t work so well for them, eh?

I’m friends with all my ex-es though of course the level of depth in the relationship is different. There are certain topics that you might share with a regular friend that you might not be able to with an ex. Most of these topics relate to the things you once shared together.

The friendship is almost like an acquaintance…or a co-worker at best. That’s the best that most people can do before it gets a bit complicated I think.

I think a lot of it is how the relationship ended. Was their betrayal and lies, was it a mutual split, or did one person break the other one’s heart?

I think it also depends quite a lot on if you were good friends before you started dating someone.

One of my exes and i were friends for at least 2 years or so before we started dating and we only dated for a couple months so it was easier to go back to just being friends, a little weird at first but we’re still good friends now. But i can relate to what you are saying about trying not to lead a guy on. It is tricky. I know my ex still wants to be together so i have to watch what i say and how i say it sometimes.

Hell no. I tried being friends with an ex boyfriend and it just ended up dragging the pain of our breakup out six months longer. It also ended up putting me $400 in debt (long story).
I am also divorced and haven’t spoken to my ex husband since we signed the papers. There is absolutely nothing we need to talk about and frankly it would be disrespectful to my current boyfriend to talk to either of my exes. It would be disrespectful to me for him to talk to his exes as well.
The only reason I can think of why exes would need to stay in contact is if there is a child involved. Even then you have to be careful.

Me and my first love had been through A LOT. And to this day we’re still friends, sometimes it’s hard cause once in a while old feelings will pop up, but we’re friends and nothing more. It just works for some people

To me, staying friends with an ex the majority of the time is just asking for trouble. Even if you’re both over each other, your new significant other probably wouldn’t be thrilled that your best buddies with someone you were once intimate with. Just simply not worth the drama, to me at least. 

I’m FRIENDLY with 2 out of 3 of my exes. My first two relationships were 4 years each and as tough as my second relationship was, I can’t believe I’m friendly with him. It HAS been over 5 years. I think I made it a point since we grew up together and are close family friends. However, with this last bf, I don’t know if I would ever be able to be friends with him. Although the relationship was only 1.5 years and wasn’t dramatic and serious, the break-up really did me in.

I think it all depends on the circumstance. But overall, I don’t think it would be a probaly. Just know your boundaries. I think you can be FRIENDLY, but not FRIENDS.

Personally, I can’t. Someone once told me that there is only two ways exes can be friends: 1) You still love them 2) You never loved each other…and I’ve tried to love only as friends love each other and it was the biggest mess ever so…. Like I said I can’t be friends

I think it totally depends….. how long you dates, hon intimate you were, how the breakup played out… And I think if its going to happen at all there needs to be a lot of distance and time between breaking up and being friends.  For me personally, I am not friends with any exes.  There is one I am civil with when seeing mutual friends…. no hard feelings or sentimental feelings.  But yea, depends.

Well, if you’re a guy and you are involved with a woman, you better not be friends with an ex, or your woman will be completely neurotic.  So, better to put exes in the No Longer Exists Zone.

I am currently living with my ex and things just got outta control.

we’ve dated for 6 months and he dumped me becasue he said there’s no feeling to me anymore and then he is now with this girl in UK which they have never met in REAL LIFE. Only skpye and whatsapp. I wonder what would that girl think when she knows that her bf is actually living with his ex. lol

Anyway, I cried everytime they are on skype because I can actually hear their conversaton next door, I even cut myself just to want him back but he just doesnt care anymore. The point is we’ve been ignoring each other for few months after break up and then we started talking like the first day we met, i probably think too much lol

nope i dont think so

I don’t know. It’s different for everyone. Personally, I never keep in touch with exes. Once it’s over, it’s over, and I move on.

I’m friends with most of my exes. In fact, my two closest friends are ex -boyfriends. I don’t even find them unattractive.