“The eagles who soar through the sky are at rest / And the creatures who crawl, run and creep. / I know you’re not thirsty. That’s bullshit. Stop lying. / Lie the f— down, my darling, and sleep.” Oh. My. God. Is this real?
No, not really. This bedtime story book is written for parents who have read one too many stories to their little kiddies. I have to admit, I think it’s pretty funny. Obviously, this is NOT a book that you would actually read to your children.
Novelist Adam Mansbach wrote this parody after his own daughter refused to go to bed one night. It has become virally popular on Amazon, after a PDF of the book was leaked online. The audio book is narrated by Samuel L. Jackson, which is just too perfect.
Is this the funniest thing you’ve seen all day? Or do you think the author crossed the line?
guest
samuel l. jackson said that’s what he told his kid before bed lol.
daffodil / 1601 posts
LMAO!
I know you’re not thirsty. That’s bullshit. Stop lying.
That’s so effing true.
guest
anything narrated by samuel l. jackson is a win
guest
Oh man, I saw that book in Barnes and Noble the other day, it’s hilarious. I wanted to get it as a gag gift for my pregnant SIL, but I’m a little afraid that she would actually read it to her kid.
guest
Lol! That’s awesome.
lily / 5148 posts
Amazing ;P It’s pure win!
orchid / 191 posts
I love it. And people wonder why I don’t want kids. Well, this book explains it. LOL!
daisy / 598 posts
lol i love it! so something i know i would think/want to say if i had kids.
guest
Completely perfect. =D
guest
Lol win.
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If this is real, I know what I want for Father’s Day
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Hahaha, this is so perfect.
guest
Freakin hilarious! hahaha!
orchid / 242 posts
LOL! This is genius!
hydrangea / 53 posts
i think its briliant the author is not the one with the problem its idiot parents who would actually think its a childrens book and read it to their child.
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daffodil / 1525 posts
Boyfriend read that to me on the phone last night
guest
My boyfriend and I went to Chapters and looked for some books to read and he found that. It’s great
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I’d buy it & I don’t even have kids.
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i lol’d
orchid / 183 posts
We were laughing over this at Chapters, so awesome!
guest
The reading by Samuel L. Jackson had me in tears it was so funny! He is pretty much the perfect person to narrate that story. Hilarious
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LOL, but it’s so true!
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After watching the video, I’m don’t feel so bad about not having children.
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Oh my god, I’m crying. Samuel L. Jackson nails the audio reading. This is great! XD
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Its gotta be the best kid’s book I’ve heard on audio in a long time! The only ones that come close are the harry potter books
guest
I know what I’m getting my brother as a present for his birthday…
guest
“this is so far past the line you can’t even see the line- the line is a dot to you.” (authors of Friends)
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Never mind.
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LOL! “Hell no, you can’t go to the bathroom. You know where you can go?”
guest
Oh my god that’s amazing XD Hilarious.
I don’t think he crossed the line. Like was said, it was obviously not meant to be actually for children.
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Aw, the video won’t work! :/
guest
I saw a youtube video where a grandma was actually reading that to her grandbaby. It’s funny but I think it’s a little bothersome because some people are stupid enough to actually use it as a child’s book.Gotta love the dumbasses. They’re also the ones who buy, “I’m a shit factory” shirt for their kids.