I had a wonderful boyfriend for most of high school, who I loved and who taught me more than I can even begin to contemplate. When senior year ended, we decided it was best to break up. I was going to college in NYC, and he was going on an internship in Hawaii for 6 months. There was no way that was going to work out, and we were both ready for new experiences. It was a mutual decision, and it was the best one I’ve made, although I didn’t know it at the time.
In the beginning it wasn’t so bad. We still talked every week, and it was almost like we had never broken up, since we still loved each other but had decided not to be together. And then he got a new girlfriend, and my heart was broken. It was all very dramatic. Looking back on it though, I’m so happy that I was forced to move on. College is meant to be a time of new beginnings and new experiences. It’s a time for hooking up with cute boys, making new friends, trying new things and learning about yourself.
Here’s why it’s better to be unattached:
1. Independence. I thought I was all sorts of independent when I had a boyfriend. Wrong. Independence means being able to figure things out for yourself. That means just you.
When you’re dating someone, it’s hard to do that since you always need to hear their opinion, or know what their schedule is. By being single, you’re allowing yourself to truly grow. I had to learn the subway system by myself, go grocery shopping for myself, meet knew people by myself. I was able to grow up.
2. Meeting new people. Yes, that means boys too. I have an amazing group of friends in the city, who are both guys and girls. If I had a boyfriend, I know he would be jealous and would always want to know who I’m with and what I’m doing.
I don’t want to deal with that. I want to have fun with my friends and meet new people. And along with meeting new people, I want to meet other boys. Hot, sexy-ass boys. Which brings me to my next reason….
3. Hook-ups. They will happen to you. Whether you are single or not, sexy boys will find you and try to touch your boobs. Do you want to have to say no to that? “Sorry, James Franco, I can’t hook-up with you tonight at this raging roof-top party at a random NYU dorm because my boyfriend Jimmy wouldn’t like that. SORRY, GO AWAY JAMES FRANCO.” Hey, you never know. I met him.
4. Living your own life, just for you. After my boyfriend and I broke up, I had a chance to reflect on our relationship. It was a really good one, but I started to see that as much as I thought I was being myself, I was really doing a lot of things just to please him. I died my hair blonde, partly because I wanted to, and partly to please him. I never dressed like I normally would when I was with him. I dressed more slutty. Again with the pleasing.
It seems really stupid that I did those things, but at the time I thought it was a great idea. Once I was single, I got to do whatever the hell I wanted. I dressed for me, went through a billion different hair colors, and in the process learned more about the kind of girl I am, and want to be. I don’t worry about pleasing anyone but myself anymore. If a guy likes me, he should like me for me; make-up or no, hot clothes or sweats.
I know a lot of girls will read this and say, “But my boyfriend DOES love me for me, and isn’t nagging or annoying or jealous, and would totally let me hook up with James Franco, and we will be together until the world ends in 2012.” Awesome for you! But I hope you take these tips to heart, and consider the probability of experiencing different people, and how it can help you grow.
What do you guys think? Are you ready to be single and ready to mingle?