Are you bored with your day job? Are you also having a baby? Quit that shiz (the job, I mean) and apply to be a stock photo pickle model! Here are some helpful tips for aspiring preggopickleteers that I’ve gleaned for you by searching some photo sites:
First of all, definitely pose seductively with the pickle. Men are reading these websites too, you know: OHHHHH YEAH.
If you’re not feeling particularly sexy, just go to town on the pickle. Don’t be shy! Leave no feeling of pickle desire untouched with your mouth. Smile with your eyes!
Serious actors only: Want to take things to the next level? Crazy eyes will help viewers really understand that you are craving those pickles like whoa.
If you’re classy, cut one into a dainty wedge shape for the camera:
You should try to select pickles that don’t resemble a jar of Shrek fingers.
Also, ice cream! Because that’s what pregnant ladies eat with pickles. Duh!
You don’t even have to be pregnant! Aim a pickle and a pregnancy test at your mouth at the SAME TIME. Being a model is hard!
Follow all these tips and you’ll be well on your way to putting your unborn child through Yale with pickle photo royalties. I’ll say I knew you when!