So, two weeks ago I wrote a blog titled “Guy’s View: 7 Trends I Hate on Women.” It got a lot of press, a handful of negative comments from people with no sense of humor who thought I was directly attacking them, and a ton of outcries for a rebuttal of fashions guys love.
So instead of replying to all 300 comments individually, I thought I’d write a rebuttal to give girls an idea of what guys think is sexy in the world of fashion today. So here it is, in no particular order, and in no way a complete list: Fashions that are guaranteed to turn your guy on… or at least me.
Rocker Style: Think Pink, not Avril Lavigne. You don’t want to look like you’re patrolling the mall looking to find your latest trend at Hot Topic; you want to look like you could break out in song or kick a guy’s ass at any moment. Have a little edge. Not all the time (remember from the last article? A little of something is good, but a lot can be bad), but every once in a while layer on that extra eye makeup, tease out the hair, put on some ass kicking boots, a leather cuff and a bad ass attitude and hit the club. Guys are highly attracted to rocker chicks because the look exudes confidence and domination. You may not find your ideal Mister Right dressed up like this, but you’ll definitely land one hell of a Mister Tonight (if that’s what you’re looking for).
Rompers: I don’t know who decided to bring rompers back, or maybe they were never in style in the first place, but I love them. Throw some pigtails in for good measure and you have a sure-fire, head turning equation going on. I mean, just the fact that you can say, “I’m romping around,” is enough to let you know this fashion is winning, duh. A modified dress with shorts! How awesome and comfortable is that! Well, I’m still confused on how you girls get those things on, and the jury’s still out on romper lingerie, but wear one of these out on a nice summer day, and you’ll be sure to romp some guy’s world.
Hats: Fedoras, baseball caps, tennis visors or even Derby hats: they’re all great. Hats are a great not-all-the-time accessory you can wear to add something different to your look. I know you can curl your hair, put it into a pony tail or a bun, straighten it with an iron, or a whole mess of other things, but try throwing on a hat for a casual afternoon and watch the reaction. Sure, fedoras are the thing right now, but even a baseball or train conductor style cap works great for a sexy look too. Guys love a girl who can go to a ball game, drink beer, throw peanuts and dress appropriate with her favorite team’s ball cap. They also love the lavish, oversized, bordering-on ridiculous hats that girls wear at the Kentucky Derby. In my mind, fancy hats need to make a comeback at fancy events, stat.
Snowboard Gear: I don’t know why we all love this look, but we do. It doesn’t matter if you can barely get off the chairlift or if you can give Shawn White a run for his money on the half pipe. Bundle yourself up with oversized pants, jacket, mittens and huge goggles, and guys will think you’re cute as hell. I know this goes directly against my theory about oversized sunglasses, but you’re just going to have to deal with it. Sorry skiers, this doesn’t work for you. I guess it’s the element of imagination or the wonderment of what’s under all that extra clothing that gets guys going, but there’s really something amazing about standing on a plank of wood while covering up everything but your nose and lips that really gets us going:
Cowboy Boots: Well yee-ha, little lady. I don’t care if you can do the Tennessee two step or not, cowboy boots work really well on girls. It gives you the heel you need minus the possibility of breaking it when you’re wasted face, and it allows you the boot you crave without making you look like a hooker. These are boots you can wear with a skirt, jeans, rompers, cutoffs or nothing for that matter. Summer, winter, fall or mud season, cowboy boots are practical, comfortable, and badass. Get a really nice pair like Luchassee Classics and you’ll have a great conversation starter with someone who knows their boots. Plus, guys who wear nice boots usually have a good story to go along with them… Like that one time I shot a guy in Reno, just to watch him die.
Sarongs: These little flowing garments of temptation are perfect for the summer months, or for every day if you’re reading this in Mexico. With a sarong you’re holding something back. Leaving something to the imagination. It’s the aforementioned snowsuit for the beach… I guess. A guy can still see your shape and your curves, but not your bikini line. Do you think it would be fun to watch a stripper come out on stage completely naked? They call them strippers because they are stripping off clothing, and the anticipation is what gets the guys to throw more money, not the acrobatics (sorry everyone in pole dancing class). So not to make you feel like a stripper, but next time you’re strolling around the boardwalk, wrap a sarong around that ass and enjoy the benefits of temptation, anticipation and more eye contact.
Football Jersey After Sex: I don’t know how many guys have had the opportunity of watching a girl go to their closet and put on their favorite football jersey as a cover-up after sex, but the ones who have will tell you without a shadow of a doubt that it is the sexiest thing a girl can do after you two are done doing the dirty. Listen, their little man, big buddy, octagon, snake, pig in a blanket, Jimmy Johnson or whatever else weird they call it gets sensitive after sex. I’m talking about his penis! It hurts when you keep touching it right after he gets off! Hopefully you’ve realized this by now, but if you’re hearing about this for the first time, please call your boyfriend and apologize. So, looking for alternatives to turn him on after sex because he didn’t get you off the first time? Look no further then the Packers, Patriots or Panthers jersey in his closet.
Workout clothes: Do you ever hear your guy friends talking about how hot that girl at the gym was? Are you ever driving in a car with a group of guys while their heads, necks and whole bodies turn to watch a girl run by on the sidewalk? Well it turns out that girl probably wasn’t that hot, but there are couple of factors working in her favor that turned her from a 6 to an 9 in the guy’s one track mind.
One: She’s wearing sexy workout clothes. Yoga clothes, even the long pants, are awesome. Hell, I used to go to classes not only for the mental and physical workout, but for the visual as well.
Two: She’s doing something athletic. You can tell a guy a million times that you work out, but when he sees it in action, a subconscious reaction hits him and he starts to think about all the great residual effects of working out: Sex drive, longevity of a good body, stamina during sex, heart health, ability to do certain things in bed, new positions, kegel exercises. Even wearing workout clothes is enough to trigger this response in a guy’s head. So if you want to be comfortable, forget the juicy couture plush suit, and remember the spandex / tank top combo.
Three: Sweat. When people work out, they sweat. As long as you don’t smell real bad, guys will find this extremely sexy. Now, sweat doesn’t look good on a summer dress, but it looks great on a sports bra. Do you think it’s sexy when your guy comes home from a run, rips his shirt off and drinks a cold glass of water in just his running shorts? Well, stop being such a lady and let us see it too! If your guy is freaked out by your sweat, then he’s probably also freaked out by you bleeding, pooping or the idea of you ever having a kid… so you should probably re-think that one.
My suggestion for this summer? If it’s hot enough that you’re going to sweat outside during the day, just wear workout clothes wherever you go. That way when you get all sweaty, everyone will just think you came from the gym or a run. Girls will respect your drive to better yourself, and guys will think you’re hot, and not just because of the temperature outside.
Different fashions look better on different people, and this list won’t apply to everyone. I went to college with a bunch of preppy boys who loved pastels and popped collars, and called their pink pants Salmon. But I’m guessing they didn’t think I was too cool wearing jeans and cowboy boots either. I don’t think I’d ever suggest my Mom go with a rocker style for a night, or for anyone with a tiny head to wear a big hat. If you disagree with these suggestions, do me a favor and take a step back and look at your own situation from someone else’s shoes. Don’t throw out the “he must be gay” card immediately, but rather realize that I’m a normal guy, trying to help out a few single girls land that next great man. If you’re not already, give some of these tips a shot. How bad could it be? But remember: You don’t have to take my advice, I don’t care. I’m not the one who has to date you…
Guest blog submitted by We’re Just Not There Yet.